— Charles Dickens, Oliver Twist, 1838.

*. *. *

How often, in the nearly 200 years since those words were written, do you suppose Mr. Bumble has been proven right? The nearest answer would probably be: Countless times.

And in today’s news was possibly the best — and certainly the most hilarious — evidence of that bit of wisdom, contained in the following headline:

“Russia fines Google
$20,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000”

[Hanna Ziady and Anna Chernova, CNN, October 31, 2024]

No, CNN was not playing a Halloween trick on us. As a result of Google’s having blocked pro-Russian channels on YouTube — some since 2022 — a Russian court had earlier ordered Google to restore the channels or face the penalties, which have been doubling every week. And today’s figure has been set at 2 undecillion Russian rubles, or US$20 decillion. That’s around $20 billion trillion trillion — dwarfing the size of the entire global economy (estimated by the IMF at $110 trillion). [Id.]

Considering that Google’s parent company, Alphabet, has a current market value of “only” $2 trillion . . . well, I was going to estimate the number of years it would take them to pay off a judgment of that size, but my calculator exploded, along with my brain.

[Ed. note: Wait just a second — that would make Alphabet’s market capitalization 1.8% of the whole freakin’ global economy. I’m not an economist, but . . . is that even possible?!! Or has the IMF undervalued the world?]

*. *. *

And now — oh, thank Heaven! — along comes my knight in shining armor, Kremlin spokesman Dmitry Peskov, to explain how his government has come up with this particular figure, rather than something they might have a snowball’s chance in hell of ever collecting. During a call with reporters today, he admitted that he “can’t even pronounce this figure right,” but said that the sum was “filled with symbolism.”

“[Google] should not be restricting the actions of our broadcasters on its platform,” he added. [Id.]

Oh, Dima . . . even you had to be laughing on the other end of that phone call.

But that’s good. If the number is only symbolic, then maybe they’ll settle for a reasonable sum . . . let’s say, just for example, $100. Because that’s about what their claim is worth.

Twenty billion trillion trillion dollars, indeed! Why don’t we just throw in Las Vegas as a bonus?

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
10/31/24

P.S. Thanks for the belly laugh, Dima. It was the highlight of my day.

I’ve been there, just once, and fell in love with it: the capital city of Helsinki, the countryside, Ainola (home of composer Jean Sibelius), the friendly people, the education system, the fresh seafood, and even the climate (I am not a hot weather person).

Just one thing would make me hesitant to live there. No, actually two things. One is the language: it is one of only three languages comprising the Finno-Ugric group, the other two being Hungarian and Estonian. And they’re not related to any other language group — not the romance, or the Germanic, or the Slavic — and only slightly to each other, making them pretty much indecipherable to anyone who wasn’t born or raised in one of those three countries.

But more unnerving is Finland’s proximity to Russia. The two countries share a border of about 830 miles in length, and while that has not been a serious problem for some years, more recently — specifically since Russia’s invasion of Ukraine in February of 2022 — Finland has significantly tightened its border controls. It also wisely joined NATO last year.

And last week, a Finnish court ordered the seizure of Russian assets in Finland worth approximately 4.6 billion euros in accordance with a ruling of the Permanent Arbitration Court at The Hague. This judgment is by way of compensation to the Ukrainian company Naftogaz, whose assets were illegally seized by Russia at the time of its 2014 annexation of Crimea.

Among the properties seized In Finland were the Russian Center of Science and Culture in Helsinki, four other Russian-owned buildings in the Aland Islands, and a seaside property in Kirkkonnummi used by Russian diplomats for recreation purposes. [Abby Chitty, Euronews, October 30, 2024.]

It didn’t take long — just until yesterday — for the Russian Foreign Ministry in Moscow to summon the Finnish ambassador in order to protest the seizure of its properties in Finland. A statement issued by the Ministry “demand[ed] that the Finnish side review this illegitimate decision as soon as possible. If necessary, the Russian side will take retaliatory measures.” [The Moscow Times, October 30, 2024.]

Well, of course you will. Did anyone doubt that?

Authorities in Moscow are now accusing Finland’s enforcement authority of confiscating 45 properties, including those used by Russia’s embassy in Helsinki — about half of which are allegedly protected by diplomatic immunity, such as “country houses and apartments where diplomats reside.” [Id.]

The Kremlin, of course, has said it will contest Finland’s actions by “all legal means.” [Id.]

I sincerely hope they’re not thinking of using the same “legal means” by which they annexed Crimea in 2014, and undertook their “special military operation” to “reclaim” the rest of Ukraine in 2022.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
10/31/24

Here’s a Halloween tale (and tail) for you.

Forget Willard; forget Ben; forget Ratatouille (the one from the movie, not the vegetable dish). Fictitious rodent characters are cute; real ones . . . not so much.

And when they’re the size of a cat . . . some of them as long as three feet, half of which is body and the other half tail . . . let me outta here!

Luckily — for the rats, at least — not everyone feels as I do. A non-profit known as APOPO, based in Tanzania, has found that these muroids-on-steroids, also known as the African or Gambian pouched rat (the pouches are in their cheeks), have such a keen sense of smell that they can be trained to sniff out landmines, tuberculosis, and survivors in the rubble of disaster zones. [Alex Rodway, CNN, October 30, 2024.]

No wonder they’ve been dubbed HeroRATs.

And now, the enterprising folks at APOPO are putting these big guys to work as crime-fighters.

Did you know — and I did not — that illicit wildlife trafficking is a $23-billion-per-year industry worldwide — the fourth largest, after counterfeit products, drugs, and humans? And little Alfred in the red vest (all right, so I decided to name him) and his fellow heroes are being trained to sniff out a variety of wildlife, and precious items such as elephant tusks, rhino horns, pangolin scales, and African blackwood. [Id.]

Of course, they can’t do everything that, say, a dog can do, like tracking through the Serengeti. But Dr. Izzy Szott, the behavioral research scientist who leads this project, points out that, “being ‘very small and agile,’ rats have the upper hand in a densely packed shipping container.” She also explains that, unlike dogs, rats will work with multiple handlers, and are cheaper to train, maintain and transport. [Id.]

And once Alfred (or any of his rat pack friends) identifies a target in a suspect shipment — and this is kind of cute — “it alerts its handler by using its front paws to pull a little ball attached to a custom-made, neoprene vest, which triggers a beeping sound.” [Id.]

So, obviously having conquered any traces of ratophobia (yes, that’s the real term, also known as musophobia), Dr. Szott and her team are working with these exceptional Cricetomys (of the family Nesomyidae, in case you were wondering) to help catch the criminals who would deprive the world of some of its most majestic animals, which in turn can have a devastating effect on entire ecosystems. [Id.]

It takes about a year to complete training, so with an average life span of eight years, the furry detectives are considered a worthwhile long-term investment, according to Dr. Szott. They have a routine training program from Monday through Friday, with “regular playtimes in a big outdoor kennel filled with rope toys and running wheels.” [Id.]

It’s like a Montessori School for heroRATs.

All right, that one is pretty cute, I admit. I mean, drinking through a straw and all that. But . . .

Their importation is now banned in the United States, as they have been blamed for a 2003 outbreak of monkeypox. But some people don’t pay attention to laws and regulations. And others fail to understand about wildlife. You know, like the “wild” part, and about trying to breed them as pets in non-indigenous areas. Back in the 1990s, a private breeder in the Florida Keys allowed some of these babies to escape, and they have since become invasive. But despite efforts to eradicate them in the area, they have been sighted on Key Largo and in Marathon, Florida.

Which is way too close to home to suit me. I still haven’t come to terms with the alligators down the road.

Just sayin’ . . .

Happy Halloween, everyone!

Brendohchka
10/31/24

Although they deny, deny, deny that they’ve felt much of an effect — and indeed they have found work-arounds to some of them — it’s no secret that Russia is indeed hurting, both economically and politically, from the sanctions imposed on them by the United States and numerous other Western countries since the invasion of Ukraine on February 24, 2022. And they’re not just European nations.

Among the countries to have taken steps against some of Russia’s “bad actors” over the past two and a half years are Australia — which alone has sanctioned more than 1,000 Russian individuals and companies — and its neighbor, New Zealand.

It’s also well-known that Vladimir Putin, despite all his protestations to the contrary, is royally pissed.

So, like any spoiled brat, he’s been spending a good bit of time — the part that’s not devoted to screwing with the U.S. election process — trying to get even. And this week he decided to pick on the two South Pacific nations by banning 131 Australians and nine New Zealanders from entering Russia.

Oh, no! How ever will they survive such punishment?!!

The list of Australians includes officials of the defense industry, broadcast journalists and public figures, who now stand accused by Russia of promoting an “anti-Russian agenda.” The same holds true for the nine New Zealand Defense Ministry officials, including three deputy ministers. [RadioFreeEurope/RadioLiberty, October 29, 2024.]

Other than putting a crimp in any discussions that may have been taking place between the two defense ministries, I’m finding it difficult to imagine this action alone having much of a negative impact on Australia’s or New Zealand’s day-to-day affairs.

But, as I find myself saying much too often these days, we simply have to wait and see what happens next.

I’m sure we’ll be hearing something from the Kremlin’s ubiquitous spokesman, good old Dmitry Peskov, before long.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
10/30/24

This was in yesterday’s late news:

“Shawn Mendes took some time during his concert in Colorado on Monday to address a personal topic.

”In a video shared widely on social media, the 26-year-old singer took a break during his performance at Red Rocks Amphitheatre to share ‘the truth’ about his sexuality.” [Lisa Respers France, CNN, October 29, 2024.]

And that’s where I stopped reading. Because I don’t care whether Shawn — or anyone, celebrity or otherwise — is L, G, B, T, Q, or any other letter of the sexual-identity alphabet. I only care if you’re a decent human being.

Some things are personal, and I really don’t need to know. Like who you slept with last night, who you’re going to vote for next week, or how often you shower. I can’t say this often enough or emphatically enough:

I really don’t need to know these things. They are not what makes you . . . you. And they are none of my business.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
10/30/24

According to Google Translate, it’s this:

Great. Now . . . how do you pronounce that? (Okay, all you Korean speakers, please put your hands down.)

I do have a reason for asking — and it’s a good one. It’s because of the rumor that’s been circulating for a week or more to the effect that North Korea has agreed (or offered) to send about 3,000 troops to Russia to be trained for possible deployment in Ukraine.

And I was immediately mentally transported back to a classroom in New Hampshire in 1950, and a teacher’s explanation of America’s involvement in something called the Korean War. And how scared we all were, because the North Koreans were Communists, and they were being backed by the Chinese Communists, and maybe even the terrifying Communist Soviet Union.

And it wasn’t at all the way it was depicted years later in M*A*S*H. It was real.

And it’s real today. Only this time the situation is reversed, and the North Koreans are sending help to the Russian forces, which are daily being reduced by the large numbers of casualties they’re suffering at the hands of the very same Ukrainian people they were supposed to have conquered more than two years ago. Life is strange.

Russian President Vladimir Putin, of course, had no difficulty in justifying his use of foreign military personnel; he merely pointed out NATO’s support of Ukraine . . . though conveniently ignoring the fact that no NATO country has troops on the ground in Ukrainian territory. But he rationalized:

“When we have to decide something, we will decide … but it is our sovereign decision whether we will apply it, whether we will not, whether we need it. This is our business.”

And:

“The sooner they realise the futility of such an approach in relations with Russia, the better it will be for everyone, and perhaps, above all, for themselves.” [Anastasia Teterevleva, Reuters, October 25, 2024.]

End of discussion.

And now NATO has confirmed that more than 3,000 North Korean troops have indeed been sent to Russia, with more than 12,000 expected by December. According to South Korean intelligence, included among those troops are fighter pilots. [RadioFreeEurope/RadioLiberty, October 28, 2024.]

*. *. *

But what do the Russian soldiers think of the “help” they’re receiving from their Asian friends? Well, it seems they have some concerns, such as how to communicate with them, how commands will be given, how ammunition and military kits are to be issued and explained, and how you warn them to duck when they’re about to be taken apart by a Ukrainian drone. [Victoria Butenko, Maria Kostenko and Lauren Kent, CNN, October 25, 2024.]

In an audio intercept from an encrypted Russian transmission channel, Ukraine’s Defense Intelligence reported one Russian soldier describing another, the latter having been tasked to “meet people” — presumably as a sort of official “welcome wagon” representative. Clearly, that Russian greeter was displaying some uncertainty as described by his buddy:

“And he’s like standing there with his eyes out, like … f**k. He came here and says what the f**k to do with them.” [Id.]

What to do with them, indeed? How many of those soldiers — the Russians and the Koreans — are likely to speak each other’s language? What if the “help” turns out to be a hindrance? Did Putin give that any thought before making his deal with Kim Jong Un?

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
10/30/24

How on earth do you go about stealing 48,000 pounds of . . . well, anything, really? But in this case, it was cheese. Top-quality, rather pricey, artisanal Cheddar cheese. All 24 tons of it.

The reason is simple enough: it’s worth, at wholesale, around $390,000. But how do you pull off a heist of this magnitude? You clearly don’t just break into the dairy and carry out a 24-ton chunk o’ cheese — not even broken down into smaller chunks.

No . . . if you’re in England, you have it delivered.

Now, that is a twist worthy of an episode of Midsomer Murders — but happily without the murder part. The perps (that’s perpetrators, to non-mystery fans) posed as legitimate wholesale distributors for a major French retailer, and presumably arranged the transaction in the usual manner.

The victim — Neal’s Yard Dairy, which sells top-quality British and Irish cheeses to stores and restaurants worldwide — only realized it had been scammed when the delivery had already been made. The company posted the following statement:

“Over 950 wheels of Hafod, Westcombe, and Pitchfork Cheddar were delivered before the fraud was discovered. Despite the significant financial blow, we have honoured our commitment to our small-scale suppliers and paid all three artisan cheesemakers in full.” [Lianne Kolirin, CNN, October 28, 2024.]

Now, that’s British class for you!

I should think the cheese police would have a fairly easy time in tracing the thieves. After all, there had to be a delivery address. Surely you can’t squeeze 950 wheels of Cheddar into a post office box!

And they have had additional help from celebrity chef Jamie Oliver, who has sent out an appeal to his Instagram followers:

“You’re going to think I’m joking but I’m not — there’s been a great cheese robbery. Some of the best cheddar cheese in the world has been stolen. . . . If anyone hears anything about posh cheese going for cheap, it is probably some wrong’uns.” [Id.]

Oliver went on to wonder what the thieves would do with “lorryloads of posh cheese. Are they going to unpeel it from the cloth, and cut it and grate it and get rid of it in the fast food industry, in the commercial industry? I don’t know — it seems like a really weird thing to nick.” [Id.]

You said it, Jamie — it is indeed a weird one: “The Great Posh Cheese Robbery.” It’s a sad thing for Neal’s Yard Dairy; but it’s tailor-made for one of those great British comedies.

As long as Colin Firth is in it, I’ll be in the front row.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
10/29/24

And the Golden Microphone Award goes to . . .

My boy . . . Dmitry Sergeyevich Peskov!

Congratulations — you did it again, Dima, with your brief but brilliant performance as “Sincere Guy” claiming to be promoting peace in the Middle East. Your straight-faced presentation put even that master of the genre, Buster Keaton, in the shade.

You almost had us believing you this week when you did that shtick about Israel’s recent strikes on Iran. Allow me to quote your own words back at you:

“Russia is maintaining contacts with all parties to this conflict. We have contacts with Tehran, and we have contacts with the Israelis and the Palestinians.

“Russia is constantly doing everything possible to call on the parties to show restraint and to facilitate any attempts to de-escalate tensions.

“… There is still an extremely tense situation in the region and, of course, it is very important now to promote restraint in this regard.” [Reuters, October 28, 2024. Bold emphasis is mine.]

I have emphasized the funny bits, in case you don’t realize just how amusing you are. That part about the need to “show restraint” and “de-escalate tensions” — well, that’s just classic! Do you even know what a talent you have for irony?

And in case you still don’t get it, I have five little words that should help:

“Special Military Operation in Ukraine.”

Just sayin’, Dima . . . just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
10/29/24

Elon Musk: Visionary, industrial and entrepreneurial genius, risk-taker, and now . . . political activist.

But, as in everything else he undertakes, lower-level politics could never satisfy him; he has to be at the top. He is not only Donald Trump’s new best friend; it seems he is also edging closer and closer to Vladimir Putin. If it’s true, then he has managed to plant himself smack in the middle of the political ménage a trois of the century.

During the past three years, Musk has reportedly met with dozens of political figures, including presidents and prime ministers. There was, for example, a well-publicized visit to Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to smooth out an antisemitic post on Musk’s “X” platform; and a quieter visit with Argentine President Javier Milei, reportedly concerning a variety of matters. According to “a review of Musk’s meetings, calls and conversations with political figures around the world since August 2021 . . . Musk has gone from being one of the world’s wealthiest and most influential businessmen to an increasingly powerful player in global affairs.” [Clare Duffy and Way Mullery, CNN, October 25, 2024.]

And now there are the unconfirmed reports of regular communications with Russian President Vladimir Putin. According to the Wall Street Journal, since late 2022 Musk has been in regular contact with Putin and other Russian officials about Starlink and other matters. Of course, the irrepressible Kremlin spokesman, Dmitry Peskov, has called this report “absolutely false,” and said that Musk and Putin have only ever spoken once — before 2022, and over the phone. There was no comment on this from Musk’s attorney. [Id.]

Regardless of the precise number or nature of his contacts with world leaders, there is no doubt that Musk has become a major player in international political and economic affairs — not to mention his very outspoken support of Donald Trump in the U.S. presidential race. So why would he do something so completely, outrageously, insanely stupid . . . ?

No . . . that’s definitely not it. He may be a little — well, a little more than a little — strange, but he is definitely not a dummkopf. Still, to do this really weird thing . . .

I am, of course, talking about his million-dollar payoffs to registered voters in certain specific swing states just a couple of weeks before the most hotly-contested, contentious, and closest presidential election in recent memory? The payoffs for which Philadelphia’s District Attorney, Larry Krasner, is now pursuing a civil lawsuit against Musk and his political action group, America PAC, charging them with carrying out an “illegal lottery scheme” in Pennsylvania. The suit alleges:

“America PAC and Musk are lulling Philadelphia citizens — and others in the Commonwealth (and other swing states in the upcoming election) — to give up their personal identifying information and make a political pledge in exchange for the chance to win $1 million. That is a lottery. And it is indisputably an unlawful lottery.” [Id.]

Surely, Musk or his lawyers or someone in his cadre of advisers must have said at some point, “Hey, is that even legal?” So why did he go ahead with it?

But who knows why Elon Musk does anything? His thought processes are often a complete mystery to those of us not on his astral plane. What is clear is that — as the world’s wealthiest individual, and a risk-taker with an ego the size of Black Hole TON 618 — he is a force to be reckoned with.

And one who will not be contained.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
10/29/24

In true Facebook parlance, today I am feeling . . . Lucky!

Because my good and true friend from Georgia (again — the country, not the state) has sent me what I asked for . . . no, actually much more than I had even hoped for . . . about his country’s political situation. And I have designated today a Learning Day, to be dedicated to reading and — yes — learning.

And when I’ve absorbed as much of that subject as my humble brain will handle at one sitting, I will take a walk in the lovely October sunshine, come back to my easy chair, and open the cover and flyleaf of the newest book in my collection: Patriot. It’s the just-released, posthumous autobiography of Alexei Navalny, started in a hospital in Germany while recuperating from an attempt on his life by means of poisoning, and completed during his incarceration in a Russian penal colony.

I have a feeling it’s going to be one of those page-turning, no-time-to-eat, “go-away-dog-get-someone-else-to-scratch-you” days. I’m not even sure about that walk now.

So, see you tomorrow . . . assuming I’ve been able to put the book down tonight. It’s nearly 500 pages, so it may take a while.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
10/28/24