Well, it’s Groundhog Day again.

Well, it’s Groundhog Day again.

Well, it’s Groundhog day again.

Well . . .

Oh, wait . . . that movie has already been done, and I loved it. But we do keep repeating the whole groundhog thing, just not every day, but once a year. Every year. Almost exactly six weeks before the official first day of spring. Anyone else notice the coincidence?

But accuracy aside, it’s a charming tradition, and the good folks of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania seem to get a kick out of it. There may not be much else to do in Punxsutawney in February, so I wouldn’t dream of ruining this for them. But I was curious about Phil’s history, so I did a little reading, and here’s what I found:

The tradition is an offshoot of Europe’s Candlemas Day, and was brought to the U.S. by German settlers in Pennsylvania in the 1700s.

Phil — whose full name is “Punxsutawney Phil, Seer of Seers, Sage of Sages, Prognosticator of Prognosticators, and Weather Prophet Extraordinary” — first achieved recognition on February 2, 1886, when the first official Groundhog Day was proclaimed by the local Punxsutawney Spirit newspaper.

He once (in 1986) traveled to Washington, DC to meet with then President Reagan. Wow! I spent most of my life in Washington and never got to meet a president. That’s impressive. He has also (in 1995) appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show. I’ve never been invited to do that, either. Now I’m getting annoyed. What’s a groundhog got that I don’t (besides fur)?

Now, this next one really ticks me off. Since 2010, the well-meaning but sometimes over-zealous folks at PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) have apparently been calling for Phil’s retirement. That’s not the problem — he is, after all, at least 138 years old, counting from the first official Groundhog Day in 1886. What’s infuriating is that the PETA people want to replace him with an “animatronic groundhog.”

What the hell is that??!!! A wind-up Punxsutawney Phil? Or perhaps a more advanced, remote-controlled version? Artificial intelligence?

I DON’T F**KING THINK SO!!!!

Who’s with me on this? Okay, maybe Phil should retire; but even the Queen — who was almost as old as Phil — was granted the dignity of being replaced by another human. Surely there’s an adorable groundhog out there who could be trained to do Phil’s job. It’s not that hard: just wake up, be held in the air by a man in a tall silk hat, look around to see if the sun is shining, and go back to sleep. Hell, a chipmunk could do that! But a piece of tin coated in fake fur? Are they serious??!!! And it’s not as though he’s ever been mistreated or neglected. What is their problem?

I have to end this now . . . I’ve become too emotionally invested in the whole story. In addition to which, I’m really tired of typing “Punxsutawney.” I even remember how to spell it now!

By the way, I am happy to report that Phil apparently predicts an early spring this year . . . possibly as early as March 19th. Imagine that.

TTFN,
Brendochka
2/2/24