I’ve always known, of course, that some of our fellow primates — monkeys, chimps, baboons, apes, politicians — are very smart. After all, Darwin tells us we’re their direct descendants. (Well, maybe not the politicians.)

What I had not heard of, though, is something known as the “infinite monkey theorem” — a thought-experiment used to explain the principles of probability and randomness. The basic tenet is that, given an infinite amount of time, a monkey randomly pressing keys on a typewriter would eventually type out the complete works of Shakespeare.

Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle! That’s truly incredible . . . except that it could never happen.

Or so say two mathematicians from Australia. Researchers Stephen Woodcock and Jay Falletta have conducted a peer-reviewed study that determined that the amount of time it would take for a monkey with a typewriter to reproduce all of Shakespeare’s works — plays, sonnets and poems — would be longer than the lifespan of our universe. [Hannah Ritchie, BBC News, October 31, 2024.]

Wait . . . what?!! Our universe has an end date? That’s not what I wanted to hear today . . . or ever.

But I digress. Back to the monkey business.

Woodcock and Falletta’s calculations tell us that, while mathematically acceptable, the theorem is “misleading.” And this was not just their gut feeling; they did the hard calculations, which were based on the current global population of chimpanzees, which is around 200,000.

And they concluded that, enlisting every chimp in the world, and teaching them to type one key per second until the end of the universe (mercifully, they don’t say when that is expected), they still wouldn’t come close to producing Shakespeare’s complete works. In fact, there would only be a 5% chance that a single chimp would even type the word “bananas” in its own lifetime. And the probability of that one chimp constructing a random sentence would be one in ten million billion billion. [Id.]

But give that little monkey-face a whole bunch of bananas for making the effort.

The study’s conclusion is this:

“It is not plausible that, even with improved typing speeds or an increase in chimpanzee populations, monkey labour will ever be a viable tool for developing non-trivial written works.” [Id.]

So it seems that our hairy brethren are destined to remain forever the purveyors of party tricks, much like J. Fred Muggs and his appearances on the Dave Garroway Show of yesteryear.

*. *. *

By the way, the BBC article went on to discuss the most widely-accepted hypothesis for the end of the universe. In typical scientific double-speak, it is called the “heat death theory,” although it envisions a slow, cold death. Go figure.

Whatever it’s called, it describes a final act wherein the universe “continues to both expand and cool — while everything within it dies off, decays, and fades away.” [Id.]

Sounds pretty much like any individual human being, getting older — expanding, cooling, decaying, and fading away — also with no known “use by” date.

God really does have a diabolical sense of humor.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
11/1/24

They’re survivors and heroes, those hostages of Vladimir Putin who walked out of his prison camps in an historic prisoner swap on August 1st of this year.

They were in prison because of their opposition to the blatantly corrupt, authoritarian government of a man who would rule the world . . . and rule it with an iron fist.

Well, the good news is that, although they may now be living in forced exile, their love of their home country — the one not ruled by a bloodthirsty tyrant — has not diminished. Nor has their determination to continue the fight against Putin’s tyranny, to restore freedom and hope to Russia, and to return home once more.

So Vladimir Kara-Murza and Ilya Yashin have joined with Yulia Navalnaya — widow of Putin’s principal opposition leader, Alexei Navalny, until his unexplained death in a prison camp in February of this year — in organizing a major anti-war demonstration in Berlin, Germany, on November 17th.

Their purpose? To demand the resignation of Russian President Vladimir Putin.

Wow! “Go big or go home” takes on new meaning with this crew — as well it should, considering what they, and so many of their countrymen, have suffered.

In a video made on October 30th, Navalnaya said that “. . . we must show ourselves and the whole world that there is an anti-militarist and free Russia.” [RFE/RL, October 30, 2024.]

Yashin, in an announcement on his Telegram channel, said that the march will demand the “withdrawal of Russian troops from Ukraine, while holding Vladimir Putin accountable as a war criminal, and the release of all political prisoners.” [Id.]

And in Prague, when meeting with supporters, Yashin said that he, Navalnaya and Kara-Murza would soon present an “anti-war, anti-Putin initiative” to include many emigres as well as people still living in Russia. [Id.]

*. *. *

Inasmuch as unauthorized protests are now prohibited in Russia, and permits are routinely denied for anti-war demonstrations, staging such events outside of the country is one of the few options open to Putin’s opponents. Hopefully, there are enough groups in exile, and a sufficient number of supporters, to render the demonstration in Berlin a huge success.

Not that there is really any hope of forcing Putin’s resignation any time soon. But protests have a way of spreading. And who knows what the future may bring?

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
11/1/24

In the Russia ruled by Joseph Stalin (from 1924 to his death in 1953), if you were foolish enough, or simply unfortunate enough, to displease him in any way, you could be fairly certain of two things: that your life was about to end, and that all traces of your existence would disappear with you.

Long before the days of artificial intelligence and today’s digital photoshopping, Stalin’s photo technicians were adept at altering pictures to make someone (usually Stalin) look better, to change the background or the wording on signs . . . or to make a person disappear completely, as in the famous photos below. In other words, to rewrite history.

The names and any mention of disgraced individuals would also be deleted from all printed material. I can only imagine how many times the country’s textbooks and encyclopedias had to be reprinted.

In the decades following Stalin’s death, political life in Russia slowly — very slowly — became less terrifying. And in the 1990s, after the breakup of the Soviet Union and the institution of the Gorbachev reforms, the repressions of the Soviet era began to fade into distant memory. But not for everyone.

In 1991, October 30th was officially designated as Russia’s Day of Remembrance of Victims of Political Repression. Since then, each year on that date memorial events — known as “Returning the Names” — are held in cities and towns across Russia to honor the victims of Soviet-era atrocities. A memorial stone, known as the Solovki Stone, has been erected on Moscow’s Lubyanka Square — in front of the notorious headquarters of the former KGB (now the FSB). And each October 30th since 2006, the Memorial Human Rights Center has held an annual ceremony at that spot. [RFE/RL, October 30, 2024.]

In cities from St. Petersburg to Vladivostok, participants in similar ceremonies have included relatives of the dead and survivors of the Gulag, rights activists, and others who simply want to be a part of the remembrance. The names, ages, occupations, and dates of execution or imprisonment of the victims are read aloud. The past must be remembered in order not to be repeated.

But . . .

Recent actions of the Russian government may be placing the future of these remembrances in question. For example, the Prosecutor-General’s Office “announced plans earlier to review past decisions on the rehabilitation of repression victims, prompting fears that the state may seek to rewrite or diminish the historical narrative surrounding Soviet atrocities.” [Id.]

In June, changes were announced to the official Concept on Victims of Political Repressions that “eliminated references to the mass nature of Soviet purges and removed calls to commemorate their victims, effectively sanitizing the historical account of state-sponsored violence.” [Id.]

And this week, the decision to cancel the Returning the Names event in Moscow was blamed on a “sharp increase in COVID cases” [id.] — always a handy excuse, but in reality just one step in a concerted effort by the government to draw attention and discussion away from past Soviet crimes . . . and from the repressive actions of the Putin regime of today.

*. *. *

In the shadow of other world events, these may seem like minor concerns. But they amount to one very major issue: rewriting history. Think of how much easier that will be now, with the advent of artificial intelligence and the government’s exclusive control of mass media.

And seen in conjunction with other recent occurrences — the broad use (or misuse) of the new “Foreign Agents” law, the imprisonment of journalists and dissidents, the unexplained deaths of political opponents — well . . .

The calendar may say it’s 2024, but in Russia it’s beginning to feel like 1950 again.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
11/1/24

— Charles Dickens, Oliver Twist, 1838.

*. *. *

How often, in the nearly 200 years since those words were written, do you suppose Mr. Bumble has been proven right? The nearest answer would probably be: Countless times.

And in today’s news was possibly the best — and certainly the most hilarious — evidence of that bit of wisdom, contained in the following headline:

“Russia fines Google
$20,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000”

[Hanna Ziady and Anna Chernova, CNN, October 31, 2024]

No, CNN was not playing a Halloween trick on us. As a result of Google’s having blocked pro-Russian channels on YouTube — some since 2022 — a Russian court had earlier ordered Google to restore the channels or face the penalties, which have been doubling every week. And today’s figure has been set at 2 undecillion Russian rubles, or US$20 decillion. That’s around $20 billion trillion trillion — dwarfing the size of the entire global economy (estimated by the IMF at $110 trillion). [Id.]

Considering that Google’s parent company, Alphabet, has a current market value of “only” $2 trillion . . . well, I was going to estimate the number of years it would take them to pay off a judgment of that size, but my calculator exploded, along with my brain.

[Ed. note: Wait just a second — that would make Alphabet’s market capitalization 1.8% of the whole freakin’ global economy. I’m not an economist, but . . . is that even possible?!! Or has the IMF undervalued the world?]

*. *. *

And now — oh, thank Heaven! — along comes my knight in shining armor, Kremlin spokesman Dmitry Peskov, to explain how his government has come up with this particular figure, rather than something they might have a snowball’s chance in hell of ever collecting. During a call with reporters today, he admitted that he “can’t even pronounce this figure right,” but said that the sum was “filled with symbolism.”

“[Google] should not be restricting the actions of our broadcasters on its platform,” he added. [Id.]

Oh, Dima . . . even you had to be laughing on the other end of that phone call.

But that’s good. If the number is only symbolic, then maybe they’ll settle for a reasonable sum . . . let’s say, just for example, $100. Because that’s about what their claim is worth.

Twenty billion trillion trillion dollars, indeed! Why don’t we just throw in Las Vegas as a bonus?

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
10/31/24

P.S. Thanks for the belly laugh, Dima. It was the highlight of my day.

I’ve been there, just once, and fell in love with it: the capital city of Helsinki, the countryside, Ainola (home of composer Jean Sibelius), the friendly people, the education system, the fresh seafood, and even the climate (I am not a hot weather person).

Just one thing would make me hesitant to live there. No, actually two things. One is the language: it is one of only three languages comprising the Finno-Ugric group, the other two being Hungarian and Estonian. And they’re not related to any other language group — not the romance, or the Germanic, or the Slavic — and only slightly to each other, making them pretty much indecipherable to anyone who wasn’t born or raised in one of those three countries.

But more unnerving is Finland’s proximity to Russia. The two countries share a border of about 830 miles in length, and while that has not been a serious problem for some years, more recently — specifically since Russia’s invasion of Ukraine in February of 2022 — Finland has significantly tightened its border controls. It also wisely joined NATO last year.

And last week, a Finnish court ordered the seizure of Russian assets in Finland worth approximately 4.6 billion euros in accordance with a ruling of the Permanent Arbitration Court at The Hague. This judgment is by way of compensation to the Ukrainian company Naftogaz, whose assets were illegally seized by Russia at the time of its 2014 annexation of Crimea.

Among the properties seized In Finland were the Russian Center of Science and Culture in Helsinki, four other Russian-owned buildings in the Aland Islands, and a seaside property in Kirkkonnummi used by Russian diplomats for recreation purposes. [Abby Chitty, Euronews, October 30, 2024.]

It didn’t take long — just until yesterday — for the Russian Foreign Ministry in Moscow to summon the Finnish ambassador in order to protest the seizure of its properties in Finland. A statement issued by the Ministry “demand[ed] that the Finnish side review this illegitimate decision as soon as possible. If necessary, the Russian side will take retaliatory measures.” [The Moscow Times, October 30, 2024.]

Well, of course you will. Did anyone doubt that?

Authorities in Moscow are now accusing Finland’s enforcement authority of confiscating 45 properties, including those used by Russia’s embassy in Helsinki — about half of which are allegedly protected by diplomatic immunity, such as “country houses and apartments where diplomats reside.” [Id.]

The Kremlin, of course, has said it will contest Finland’s actions by “all legal means.” [Id.]

I sincerely hope they’re not thinking of using the same “legal means” by which they annexed Crimea in 2014, and undertook their “special military operation” to “reclaim” the rest of Ukraine in 2022.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
10/31/24

Here’s a Halloween tale (and tail) for you.

Forget Willard; forget Ben; forget Ratatouille (the one from the movie, not the vegetable dish). Fictitious rodent characters are cute; real ones . . . not so much.

And when they’re the size of a cat . . . some of them as long as three feet, half of which is body and the other half tail . . . let me outta here!

Luckily — for the rats, at least — not everyone feels as I do. A non-profit known as APOPO, based in Tanzania, has found that these muroids-on-steroids, also known as the African or Gambian pouched rat (the pouches are in their cheeks), have such a keen sense of smell that they can be trained to sniff out landmines, tuberculosis, and survivors in the rubble of disaster zones. [Alex Rodway, CNN, October 30, 2024.]

No wonder they’ve been dubbed HeroRATs.

And now, the enterprising folks at APOPO are putting these big guys to work as crime-fighters.

Did you know — and I did not — that illicit wildlife trafficking is a $23-billion-per-year industry worldwide — the fourth largest, after counterfeit products, drugs, and humans? And little Alfred in the red vest (all right, so I decided to name him) and his fellow heroes are being trained to sniff out a variety of wildlife, and precious items such as elephant tusks, rhino horns, pangolin scales, and African blackwood. [Id.]

Of course, they can’t do everything that, say, a dog can do, like tracking through the Serengeti. But Dr. Izzy Szott, the behavioral research scientist who leads this project, points out that, “being ‘very small and agile,’ rats have the upper hand in a densely packed shipping container.” She also explains that, unlike dogs, rats will work with multiple handlers, and are cheaper to train, maintain and transport. [Id.]

And once Alfred (or any of his rat pack friends) identifies a target in a suspect shipment — and this is kind of cute — “it alerts its handler by using its front paws to pull a little ball attached to a custom-made, neoprene vest, which triggers a beeping sound.” [Id.]

So, obviously having conquered any traces of ratophobia (yes, that’s the real term, also known as musophobia), Dr. Szott and her team are working with these exceptional Cricetomys (of the family Nesomyidae, in case you were wondering) to help catch the criminals who would deprive the world of some of its most majestic animals, which in turn can have a devastating effect on entire ecosystems. [Id.]

It takes about a year to complete training, so with an average life span of eight years, the furry detectives are considered a worthwhile long-term investment, according to Dr. Szott. They have a routine training program from Monday through Friday, with “regular playtimes in a big outdoor kennel filled with rope toys and running wheels.” [Id.]

It’s like a Montessori School for heroRATs.

All right, that one is pretty cute, I admit. I mean, drinking through a straw and all that. But . . .

Their importation is now banned in the United States, as they have been blamed for a 2003 outbreak of monkeypox. But some people don’t pay attention to laws and regulations. And others fail to understand about wildlife. You know, like the “wild” part, and about trying to breed them as pets in non-indigenous areas. Back in the 1990s, a private breeder in the Florida Keys allowed some of these babies to escape, and they have since become invasive. But despite efforts to eradicate them in the area, they have been sighted on Key Largo and in Marathon, Florida.

Which is way too close to home to suit me. I still haven’t come to terms with the alligators down the road.

Just sayin’ . . .

Happy Halloween, everyone!

Brendohchka
10/31/24

Although they deny, deny, deny that they’ve felt much of an effect — and indeed they have found work-arounds to some of them — it’s no secret that Russia is indeed hurting, both economically and politically, from the sanctions imposed on them by the United States and numerous other Western countries since the invasion of Ukraine on February 24, 2022. And they’re not just European nations.

Among the countries to have taken steps against some of Russia’s “bad actors” over the past two and a half years are Australia — which alone has sanctioned more than 1,000 Russian individuals and companies — and its neighbor, New Zealand.

It’s also well-known that Vladimir Putin, despite all his protestations to the contrary, is royally pissed.

So, like any spoiled brat, he’s been spending a good bit of time — the part that’s not devoted to screwing with the U.S. election process — trying to get even. And this week he decided to pick on the two South Pacific nations by banning 131 Australians and nine New Zealanders from entering Russia.

Oh, no! How ever will they survive such punishment?!!

The list of Australians includes officials of the defense industry, broadcast journalists and public figures, who now stand accused by Russia of promoting an “anti-Russian agenda.” The same holds true for the nine New Zealand Defense Ministry officials, including three deputy ministers. [RadioFreeEurope/RadioLiberty, October 29, 2024.]

Other than putting a crimp in any discussions that may have been taking place between the two defense ministries, I’m finding it difficult to imagine this action alone having much of a negative impact on Australia’s or New Zealand’s day-to-day affairs.

But, as I find myself saying much too often these days, we simply have to wait and see what happens next.

I’m sure we’ll be hearing something from the Kremlin’s ubiquitous spokesman, good old Dmitry Peskov, before long.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
10/30/24

This was in yesterday’s late news:

“Shawn Mendes took some time during his concert in Colorado on Monday to address a personal topic.

”In a video shared widely on social media, the 26-year-old singer took a break during his performance at Red Rocks Amphitheatre to share ‘the truth’ about his sexuality.” [Lisa Respers France, CNN, October 29, 2024.]

And that’s where I stopped reading. Because I don’t care whether Shawn — or anyone, celebrity or otherwise — is L, G, B, T, Q, or any other letter of the sexual-identity alphabet. I only care if you’re a decent human being.

Some things are personal, and I really don’t need to know. Like who you slept with last night, who you’re going to vote for next week, or how often you shower. I can’t say this often enough or emphatically enough:

I really don’t need to know these things. They are not what makes you . . . you. And they are none of my business.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
10/30/24

According to Google Translate, it’s this:

Great. Now . . . how do you pronounce that? (Okay, all you Korean speakers, please put your hands down.)

I do have a reason for asking — and it’s a good one. It’s because of the rumor that’s been circulating for a week or more to the effect that North Korea has agreed (or offered) to send about 3,000 troops to Russia to be trained for possible deployment in Ukraine.

And I was immediately mentally transported back to a classroom in New Hampshire in 1950, and a teacher’s explanation of America’s involvement in something called the Korean War. And how scared we all were, because the North Koreans were Communists, and they were being backed by the Chinese Communists, and maybe even the terrifying Communist Soviet Union.

And it wasn’t at all the way it was depicted years later in M*A*S*H. It was real.

And it’s real today. Only this time the situation is reversed, and the North Koreans are sending help to the Russian forces, which are daily being reduced by the large numbers of casualties they’re suffering at the hands of the very same Ukrainian people they were supposed to have conquered more than two years ago. Life is strange.

Russian President Vladimir Putin, of course, had no difficulty in justifying his use of foreign military personnel; he merely pointed out NATO’s support of Ukraine . . . though conveniently ignoring the fact that no NATO country has troops on the ground in Ukrainian territory. But he rationalized:

“When we have to decide something, we will decide … but it is our sovereign decision whether we will apply it, whether we will not, whether we need it. This is our business.”

And:

“The sooner they realise the futility of such an approach in relations with Russia, the better it will be for everyone, and perhaps, above all, for themselves.” [Anastasia Teterevleva, Reuters, October 25, 2024.]

End of discussion.

And now NATO has confirmed that more than 3,000 North Korean troops have indeed been sent to Russia, with more than 12,000 expected by December. According to South Korean intelligence, included among those troops are fighter pilots. [RadioFreeEurope/RadioLiberty, October 28, 2024.]

*. *. *

But what do the Russian soldiers think of the “help” they’re receiving from their Asian friends? Well, it seems they have some concerns, such as how to communicate with them, how commands will be given, how ammunition and military kits are to be issued and explained, and how you warn them to duck when they’re about to be taken apart by a Ukrainian drone. [Victoria Butenko, Maria Kostenko and Lauren Kent, CNN, October 25, 2024.]

In an audio intercept from an encrypted Russian transmission channel, Ukraine’s Defense Intelligence reported one Russian soldier describing another, the latter having been tasked to “meet people” — presumably as a sort of official “welcome wagon” representative. Clearly, that Russian greeter was displaying some uncertainty as described by his buddy:

“And he’s like standing there with his eyes out, like … f**k. He came here and says what the f**k to do with them.” [Id.]

What to do with them, indeed? How many of those soldiers — the Russians and the Koreans — are likely to speak each other’s language? What if the “help” turns out to be a hindrance? Did Putin give that any thought before making his deal with Kim Jong Un?

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
10/30/24

How on earth do you go about stealing 48,000 pounds of . . . well, anything, really? But in this case, it was cheese. Top-quality, rather pricey, artisanal Cheddar cheese. All 24 tons of it.

The reason is simple enough: it’s worth, at wholesale, around $390,000. But how do you pull off a heist of this magnitude? You clearly don’t just break into the dairy and carry out a 24-ton chunk o’ cheese — not even broken down into smaller chunks.

No . . . if you’re in England, you have it delivered.

Now, that is a twist worthy of an episode of Midsomer Murders — but happily without the murder part. The perps (that’s perpetrators, to non-mystery fans) posed as legitimate wholesale distributors for a major French retailer, and presumably arranged the transaction in the usual manner.

The victim — Neal’s Yard Dairy, which sells top-quality British and Irish cheeses to stores and restaurants worldwide — only realized it had been scammed when the delivery had already been made. The company posted the following statement:

“Over 950 wheels of Hafod, Westcombe, and Pitchfork Cheddar were delivered before the fraud was discovered. Despite the significant financial blow, we have honoured our commitment to our small-scale suppliers and paid all three artisan cheesemakers in full.” [Lianne Kolirin, CNN, October 28, 2024.]

Now, that’s British class for you!

I should think the cheese police would have a fairly easy time in tracing the thieves. After all, there had to be a delivery address. Surely you can’t squeeze 950 wheels of Cheddar into a post office box!

And they have had additional help from celebrity chef Jamie Oliver, who has sent out an appeal to his Instagram followers:

“You’re going to think I’m joking but I’m not — there’s been a great cheese robbery. Some of the best cheddar cheese in the world has been stolen. . . . If anyone hears anything about posh cheese going for cheap, it is probably some wrong’uns.” [Id.]

Oliver went on to wonder what the thieves would do with “lorryloads of posh cheese. Are they going to unpeel it from the cloth, and cut it and grate it and get rid of it in the fast food industry, in the commercial industry? I don’t know — it seems like a really weird thing to nick.” [Id.]

You said it, Jamie — it is indeed a weird one: “The Great Posh Cheese Robbery.” It’s a sad thing for Neal’s Yard Dairy; but it’s tailor-made for one of those great British comedies.

As long as Colin Firth is in it, I’ll be in the front row.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
10/29/24