As most of my readers — all six or eight of them — are Americans, let me explain. David Mitchell is a British actor/comedian whom I have only recently discovered through the magic of BritBox TV, which I received as a gift from a friend this past Christmas. (The gift was a subscription to BritBox . . . not David Mitchell himself tied up with a big red bow. Although that would have been nice too.)

So there I was, mindlessly scrolling through the list of British shows I’ve never heard of before, in search of something that didn’t involve serial killers, psychopaths, or incestuous relationships. And there was an advert (that’s British for “ad”) for a new show titled, simply, “Ludwig,” starring this rather ordinary-looking chap with a graying beard, a hairline disturbingly reminiscent of Adolph Hitler, and absolutely mesmerizing dark eyes. I had already missed the first three episodes, so I hastened to catch up.

A brief synopsis: Oddly enough, the principal protagonist, played by Mitchell, is not named Ludwig; he is, instead, James: a brilliant mathematician and puzzle-solver, rather quirky and introverted (a gross understatement), whose identical twin brother — a more normal fellow named John who is a police inspector — has mysteriously disappeared, leaving a warning note for his wife and son to do the same instead of taking them with him.

But rather than take the hint, the wife engages her brother-in-law to try to find John, because he’s smarter than the entire Cambridge Police Department, and because she’s afraid to let them in on John’s secret, which she doesn’t know in any event.

So James — shy, nervous, slightly OCD, and with no crime-solving expertise whatsoever — takes on the persona of his brother and . . . although by the third episode he still has no clue as to his sibling’s whereabouts . . . begins solving other crimes for the police, using his skills as a puzzle-solver.

Well, by this time, I am irretrievably hooked on this completely improbable premise. But this is a weekly show, so I have to wait until the following Thursday for the fourth episode . . . and I still have no idea why the show is even called “Ludwig,” other than the fact that its background music consists mainly of Beethoven compositions: specifically, his Fifth Symphony (BA-BA-BA-BUM!), and “Ode to Joy” from the Ninth, used alternately depending on the mood the directors are trying to set for the specific scene.

Are you with me so far?

No? Well, you’d better catch up, because we’re off again . . .

*. *. *

By S1/E4 (Season 1, Episode 4, in case you’re not into TV serials), I have decided that David Mitchell — the real one, not the fictitious James, or John, or Ludwig — is my kind of guy. His facial expressions, while mostly serious or even totally blank, are hilarious and spot-on (another Britishism — I’m really getting into those). And he’s sweet. But more importantly, he’s very smart and he corrects people . . . little factual errors, or incorrect suppositions, and — my personal favorite — their grammar!

Okay, I know I’m basing this on the Ludwig character and imparting that imaginary person’s traits to a real-life individual. But don’t we all do that? Haven’t you ever believed that, say, John Wayne was an honest-to-goodness cowboy hero? So just stay with me here, because I’m coming to the good part.

*. *. *

Now it’s between Thursdays, I’m waiting for the next segment of “Ludwig,” and I’ve already watched every episode of 23 seasons of “Midsomer Murders” so many times I actually remember who the incestuous, psychopathic mass murderer is in every single one. So I go program-surfing again, and I feel the need for a laugh, and I settle on some sort of comedy-quiz-panel show called “Would I Lie To You?” And in the picture accompanying the description of the show, I spot a familiar face.

(Don’t all raise your hands at once; you know I’m going to say it’s David Mitchell.)

*. *. *

I’m not ordinarily a huge fan of quiz shows because, whether I know the answer or not, I find it frustrating to (a) not actually win the prize when I’m right, or (b) be proven inadequately informed, yet again, when I’m wrong. But — come on, now! — it’s David Mitchell, so I have to give it a go. And there are multiple seasons of this show, so maybe there’s something to it.

And by the end of the first half-hour segment, I’m laughing so hard I’m practically wetting myself.

Quick tutorial: There is, of course, a moderator (Rob Brydon), plus two panels of three celebrities each: the regular two team captains — David Mitchell and Lee Mack — and a rotation of four celebrity guest panelists. They are given the most ludicrous situations to describe and enlarge upon as though they were true, and the opposing team tries to determine truth from lies.

It sounds simplistic . . . and, in fact, it is. But these people are so quick, so funny, and so unfiltered, that they get themselves into uproarious exchanges having nothing whatsoever to do with anything. Yet — and just when you’re thinking none of it is true and it’s all just a load of tosh (British again) — one of the stories turns out to actually be . . . true.

And I think to myself: “My God, I’ve led a really dull life!”

I mean, seriously. I’ve had some bizarre experiences over the years — some genuinely funny, others merely embarrassing (haven’t we all?) And I’ve even written about a few of them. But it’s a wonder some of the people on this show haven’t been locked away years ago, for their own safety.

And yet it’s not slapstick. Somehow, British people manage to make even the most outrageous insults sound like compliments, leaving you wondering what just happened. Either it’s an innate part of their charm, or they’re all complete hypocrites . . . but whatever it is, it works for me.

Now, the guest panelists consist of a wide variety of personality types: some perfectly normal (whatever that is), others a bit on the wild side. And in the midst of all of the verbal mayhem sits one who looks and speaks more like an Oxford professor than an actor: straight-faced, mostly serious (even when he’s joking), correcting other panelists’ errors, and occasionally — but not too often — cracking up.

And that, of course, is David Mitchell.

So I’d like to thank him for coming into my life at exactly the right time — when I most needed a few good belly laughs. It’s a scary world out there, and sometimes I just have to shut down the news reports, grab a snack and a beverage, and tune into a couple of hours of BritBox to rescue me. Because otherwise, I’d be in a rubber room by now.

It’s cheaper than therapy, you can do it by yourself or with a friend, and you don’t need a prescription for it. I highly recommend it.

Thank you, David.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
4/7/25

Imagine that you are a citizen of a country that has been invaded by a much larger, stronger aggressor, and have barely managed to survive bombardments, missile and drone attacks, and the incursion of land forces in order to escape to another country — a safe place where you can be sheltered until the war ends and you are able to return to your home to begin rebuilding.

Then imagine receiving an email notice from your host country — which you have considered to be your safe haven, your guardian angel, your savior — that you have just seven days to pack up and get out, and where you go and how you manage it are your own problem.

And it was two days after April Fool’s Day, so you’re pretty sure it’s not some sort of a sick joke.

Well, thanks to the Washington Brain Trust, that’s exactly what happened last week to a number of Ukrainians — legally in the U.S. under a Biden-administration humanitarian parole program — who had nowhere to go and no time to make arrangements for themselves and their families.

The message, which was designated a “notice of termination of parole,” said simply: “It is time for you to leave the United States. . . . Do not attempt to remain in the United States — the federal government will find you.” [Jessica Dean and Kaanita Iyer, CNN, April 5, 2025.]

The fact that the notice was followed the next day by another email advising that the first one had been sent “in error” can never erase the trauma that the recipients endured when they believed that their lives were once again being upended. They were told the second time around that “no action will be taken . . . the terms of your parole as originally issued remain unchanged at this time.” [Id.]

“ . . . at this time.”

In light of the mass deportation of migrants being undertaken by the Trump administration at this very moment, the initial message must have seemed doubly threatening. And which one should they believe? Even if the second notice — the correction — is true, what does it mean by “at this time”? What might happen tomorrow, or next week?

The Department of Homeland Security (DHS) has now confirmed that the “parole program has not been terminated,” and stated that there are no plans to end the program. But the psychological damage has already been done.

According to Angela Boelens, president and founder of IA NICE, an organization created to help sponsor Ukrainian families: “This shocked everyone that received this.” She spoke of two women — one with an infant and the other pregnant — who contacted them and “were just immediately terrorized. They were crying, calling their sponsors, saying, ‘What did I do?’” [Id.]

Boelens said, “It’s actually left us with more questions than what we had before. We’re asking ourselves as sponsors and as a community, you know, ‘Who wrote this letter? Why was it written in such harsh terms?’” [Id.]

“Who?” and “why?” indeed!

*. *. *

Coming, as it has, on the heels of SignalGate, wherein — just in case any reader has actually been able to forget that unprecedented disaster — a reporter was mistakenly included on a conference call with top defense and security officials concerning an imminent attack on Houthi rebels in Yemen, who knows what to believe any longer . . . other than the fact that the inmates are actually running the asylum in Washington!

And you think the “Cuckoo’s Nest” was scary?

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
4/6/25

Just hours after posting my regular weekly status report on Russia’s political hostages today, I was saddened to read of yet another U.S. citizen being held for alleged criminal violations. And this case presents a different twist, as the prisoner has now been forcibly admitted to a Russian psychiatric hospital.

In a country where criminal charges are frequently concocted out of thin air for political purposes, it is difficult — and sometimes impossible — to separate fact from fiction. But here is what is known about Joseph Tater.

He was arrested in August of 2024 following a confrontation in an upscale Moscow hotel (unnamed). He allegedly became abusive and “behaved aggressively” when asked to see his documents. He was refused accommodation at the hotel, and police were called; he later is said to have grabbed the arm of a police officer, which constitutes assault. [Associated Press, April 6, 2025.]

According to Russia’s TASS news agency, at a court hearing in September, Tater claimed to have come to Russia seeking political asylum because he was being persecuted by the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency (CIA). He was scheduled to stand trial on April 14th of this year on charges of assaulting a police officer, which carries a maximum sentence of five years’ imprisonment. [Id.]

The tale gets a big murky here. A Moscow court has ordered Tater admitted “non-voluntarily” to a psychiatric hospital on the basis of a medical evaluation on March 15th, when doctors described him as displaying signs of “tension, impulsivity, persecutory delusions, and lack of self-awareness regarding his condition.” [Id.]

Yet TASS had previously reported that he had been released from pretrial detention at the end of March. The two reports are obviously contradictory, and it is unclear when the court’s decision was actually rendered, or whether he ever was released at all.

In any event, Tater is reportedly now living in the hell of a Russian psychiatric ward — a common practice in Soviet times that, according to human rights groups, is being increasingly employed by Vladimir Putin’s regime. His defense attorney has appealed his hospitalization on the grounds that it is an attempt to “isolate the defendant from society.”
[Id.]

*. *. *

The main question, to my mind, is not whether Joseph Tater did or did not lay hands on a police officer, which would be a legitimate criminal charge to be sorted out in the April 14th hearing; but why he was given a psychiatric evaluation in the first place. Was he indeed showing signs of “tension, impulsivity, persecutory delusions, and lack of self-awareness regarding his condition”? And if so, were these signs truly abnormal, or merely the result of being held incommunicado in a Russian prison . . . a situation that might drive any normal person to behave irrationally?

Or is this just another case of political persecution, merely using an alternative means of holding him prisoner for a longer period of time? And if so, why not simply wait another eight days and find him guilty of the original assault charge?

This is an odd case, and one in which the subject may actually be “guilty” of behaving as accused. But if so, and if he does indeed exhibit clear symptoms of psychiatric abnormality, it then becomes a question of whether he is being properly treated.

Having already been declared mentally unstable (for lack of a more scientific diagnosis), should he not immediately be returned to the United States for treatment? Or will the Russian courts still try him on the assault charge, slap some convenient label on him such as “paranoid schizophrenic,” and lock him away indefinitely in a place designed to drive him completely insane?

*. *. *

Joseph Tater is in a desperate situation, more complicated than the others we have been following. Rest assured, I will be searching for updates.

In the meantime, another name is added to the list.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
4/6/25

Last week I reported on the conviction and sentencing of 12 members of the Ukrainian Azov Battalion who have been tried — by a Russian military court — not as prisoners of war, but as terrorists, and given prison sentences ranging from 13 to 23 years.

There has been no further news as to the whereabouts of these men, and I still do not have their names. To me, they are “The Azov 12,” and they remain — tragically, along with all of the others — on our hostage list.

*. *. *

So we continue to keep our vigil for all of those unjustly held hostages known to us in Vladimir Putin’s GULAG of penal colonies:

The Azov 12
David Barnes
Ales Bialiatski (in Belarus)
Gordon Black
Andrei Chapiuk (in Belarus)
Robert Gilman
Stephen James Hubbard
Ksenia Karelina
Ihar Karney (in Belarus)
Vadim Kobzev
Uladzimir Labkovich (in Belarus)
Michael Travis Leake
Aleksei Liptser
Ihar Losik (in Belarus)
Daniel Martindale
Farid Mehralizada (in Azerbaijan)
Nika Novak
Marfa Rabkova (in Belarus)
Igor Sergunin
Dmitry Shatresov
Robert Shonov
Eugene Spector
Valiantsin Stafanovic (in Belarus)
Siarhei Tsikhanouski (in Belarus)
Laurent Vinatier
Robert Romanov Woodland
Vladislav Yesypenko (in Crimea)
Yuras Zyankovich (in Belarus)

*. *. *

And — like a broken record — I again offer this plea to Donald Trump in the White House . . . though I assume it will likely continue to fall on deaf ears, as it has thus far:

“Amidst all of the hubbub of your new administration, it is imperative that these innocent men and women not be forgotten. Negotiations for their safe release have been underway for some time. President Joe Biden succeeded in bringing home 16 innocent people on August 1st of last year, and you have added two others to that list. But you should be trying to do even more. Whatever else you do, this should be high on your list of priorities. The people you promised to represent are counting on you.

“Perhaps this would be an appropriate time to remind you also of the oath you swore on January 20th:

“‘I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.’

“I’m sure there’s a copy of that Constitution lying around the White House. If not, you can Google it. This is what it looks like, in case you’ve forgotten.”

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
4/6/25

Back in the day — those prehistoric times before Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson made that beautiful movie whose title became a meme — I had a wish list, much like those of everyone I knew. I wanted to travel, to see the world; to take flying lessons; to parachute from a plane (not while piloting it); and to do a stand-up routine at New York’s famous Comedy Club.

I also wanted to find a cure for cancer and discover a means to bring about eternal world peace. But at that point I knew I had ventured outside the realm of realistic ambitions, so I limited myself to the fun stuff.

With the exception of travel to some amazing places, none of those wishes came true . . . flying lessons were too expensive; I couldn’t quite master the “tuck-and-roll” part of parachuting; and I finally had to admit to myself that I seem to be the only one who really thinks I’m funny.

But that’s no reason to give up wishing, and hoping, and striving . . . just for different things. So what if I’ll never climb Annapurna? So what if I’ll never be able to buzz the White House in my very own Cessna Skyhawk? Just look at the things I have done:

— I’ve already outsmarted the life-expectancy tables by six years;

— I’ve climbed a mountain (a small one) in Czechoslovakia;

— I’ve lived abroad, twice;

— Seen more countries (about 15) than most of my friends;

— Survived living in Moscow during the “Great Mafia Wars” of the early ‘90s, where I had my very own KGB minder;

— Learned another language;

— Passed out in a five-star restaurant;

— Raised two children (no mean feat);

— Attended both the Bolshoi and the Kirov Theaters;

— Hand-fed an apple to a horse named Nagano in Montreal;

— Flown in a World War II biplane where I was seated in front of the pilot, so that it felt as though I was in control;

— And more . . . including a few things better left unsaid.

Still, reminiscences will only keep a person happy for so long; we all need things to look forward to. So . . . taking into consideration my present circumstances, I’ve made a new bucket list, which I would like to share with you:

First: I would like to live long enough to accomplish at least three of the other items on this list. That’s important, because once you’ve reached my age, you begin to see the wisdom in eating dessert first.

Second: I still plan to read at least one more volume of the Great Books (leather-bound, gold-embossed) that I bought over 50 years ago in a moment of great optimism and total madness. I have already read Doctor Zhivago and The Brothers Karamazov; I’d like to tackle some Shakespeare next. We’ll see.

Third: I would like to bake one more cheesecake. My recipe came from my mother, who in turn got it from a New York friend of hers eons ago. Everyone who has eaten it has declared it the best cheesecake ever. The only thing stopping me from creating another one is mobility. And height. It’s hard to maneuver around a kitchen and manipulate a mixer, bowls, measuring utensils, a spatula, and all the various ingredients when you’re (a) unable to move about without your rollator, and (b) too freakin’ short to reach the big mixer on the countertop.

Fourth: I want a mani-pedi. I’ve never had either, because I never considered them necessary. But now is the time for a little frivolity, don’t you think?

Fifth: I’d like to go skinny-dipping. Always wanted to, just never had the nerve. Of course, in my present condition, it would be best if I were to do this alone, with no one to witness. I really should have done it when I was much, much younger and still reasonably good-looking.

Sixth: I really don’t like New York . . . it’s the only city, of all the cities I’ve lived in or visited, that evokes an otherwise dormant sense of paranoia. But I have always wanted to attend the Metropolitan Opera on opening night, in full regalia. I’ve probably seen “Moonstruck” once too often, but that’s the image I have.

Seventh: Like most people, I’d love to win the lottery. I don’t want hundreds of millions of dollars . . . it would be more of a burden than a blessing. Just a few million so that I could share it with the people I love, and spend my remaining years not worrying whether my Social Security check will be in the bank again this month. Of course, in order to accomplish this, I’d actually have to buy lottery tickets, so my goal is to do that.

Eighth: I would like to be able to publish my book.

Ninth: I wish I could get rid of this life-long compulsion of correcting everyone else’s grammar. I know it’s annoying; but I was brought up and educated in an age when “he and I” — not “me and him” — went to the movies. It’s like fingernails on a blackboard.

Tenth: And finally — in a segue from a bucket list to a Cinderella-style wish list — I would really love to place an advance order for my next life (assuming there is to be one). I would ask to be taller, have perfect teeth, be able to sing on-key, and be sufficiently well-coordinated to be able to play tennis.

And I would really, really, REALLY like to be reborn into a world of peace and harmony.

But that’s probably asking way too much.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
4/5/25

As a blogger with an admittedly limited readership, I am always delighted when my offerings are read by people from faraway lands. I have counted more than 50 countries so far, including some of the smaller ones such as New Zealand, Malta, and Norfolk Island, as well as the much larger Canada, China, and Russia.

But recently I have begun searching my viewer reports for signs of life from two places I had never heard of before this week, when Donald Trump declared them sufficiently vital to the U.S. economy and the balance of trade to slap tariffs on them: a few hundred square miles of glaciers and volcanic peaks known as Heard Island and McDonald Islands.

Legally a territory of Australia, the islands are so remote and so barren that they are uninhabited by humans, aside from the occasional visit by a research expedition.

Vegetation on the inhospitable surfaces consists primarily of mosses and lichens, providing no sustenance for land animals. There is, however, an abundance of seabirds, penguins and seals.

And those are the readers I am now waiting to hear from. If they are subject to tariffs, then I have to assume they are also intelligent enough to be creative, to conduct business, to read, and to use the internet. So come on, all you happy denizens of Heard and McDonald Islands . . . check me out, and let me know how the tariffs are affecting life down there in the Antarctic, so I can write about it and make your home the next big tourist attraction.

Who knows? You might even become an Amazon distribution center, or the site of SpaceX’s next failed launch . . . the possibilities are limitless.

But it also occurs to me that you might have been added to the tariff list by mistake, like that reporter on the Signal call about the Houthis. Stuff like that just sort of happens in Washington, you know. No big deal.

So, on second thought, perhaps we should all just leave you in peace, happy in your ignorance of the ways of man.

You have no idea how well off you are!

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
4/5/25

Much to my regret, I’ve never actually been in France, other than a quick stopover at Charles de Gaulle Airport en route from Washington to Moscow back in the 1990s. (And by the way — apropos of absolutely nothing — the dinner on Air France was the best airline food I’ve ever had.)

But my point is, I have no personal experience of the country; yet I find myself thinking today that I could happily live there, if only because of the ruling of the judge who, in entering a verdict against presidential hopeful Marine Le Pen for embezzlement of EU funds, said that her actions had amounted to a “serious and lasting attack on the rules of democratic life in Europe, but especially in France.” [Todd Symons, CNN, April 4, 2025.]

Then the court sentenced her to a four-year prison term (with two years suspended, the remainder to be served under house arrest), plus a fine of $108,000, and — and this is the best part — blocked her from running for office for five years.

Absolutely proportional to her crime, not “cruel and unusual” by any means, but stern enough to make it quite clear — to Mme. Le Pen and to anyone else contemplating similar actions — that such criminal behavior will not be tolerated.

But who jumped right in to defend her, calling the court’s ruling a “Witch Hunt,” and writing on his own Truth Social account (in all caps, no less): “FREE MARINE LE PEN”?

Anyone care to guess?

Why, it was our very own felon-in-chief, Donald Trump, of course. And why wouldn’t he? After all, this ruling could set a precedent . . . or at least an example . . . for the rest of the world.

So, instead of just keeping his mouth shut for once, he decided to throw his support behind the leader of the far-right National Rally party founded by her own father, Jean-Marie Le Pen, calling the ruling a purely political decision and claiming the “rule of law [had been] completely violated.” [Id.}

Wait . . . what? The rule of law has been violated by upholding the law? That sounds, in all frankness, pretty damned stupid to me . . . even considering the source.

Still, he went on to elaborate:

“I don’t know Marine Le Pen . . .” — and yet he feels qualified to offer a supposedly reasoned opinion! — “ . . . but do appreciate how hard she worked for so many years. She suffered losses, but kept on going, and now, just before what would be a Big Victory, they get her on a minor charge that she probably knew nothing about. Sounds like a ‘bookkeeping’ error to me. It is all so bad for France, and the Great French People, no matter what side they are on.” [Id.]

Now, where have we heard those excuses before?

Sorry about all of this, Great People of France . . . you’re stuck with a judicial system that insists on punishing its convicted criminals — and keeping them out of high office — regardless of their political affiliation.

What is this world coming to?

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
4/5/25

In a stunning move reminiscent of the way things are more commonly done in the Kremlin, Donald Trump has unilaterally swept aside three years of U.S. sanctions against Russia designed to force an end to the war in Ukraine, and issued an invitation — and a special visa — to Kirill Dmitriev, Putin’s Presidential Envoy on Foreign Investment and Economic Cooperation and head of the country’s sovereign wealth fund.

After a few days of hints from the White House that Dmitriev might be coming, followed by ambiguous statements from the Kremlin that nothing had actually been decided, we learned yesterday that he was already here.

Dmitriev told reporters on Thursday that he had met earlier in the day with members of the Trump administration, though he did not say specifically with whom he had spoken. What he did offer was this:

“I think [with] the Trump administration, we are now in [a] realm of thinking about what is possible, what can really work, and how we can find a long-term solution. Without doubt, we note a positive dynamic in our relations.” [RFE/RL, April 4, 2025.]

And then came that big Russian “but” . . .

“Of course, there are disagreements on various points, but there is a process, there is a dialogue, which in our understanding will help to overcome these disagreements. A series of meetings will still be needed for us to resolve all our differences. But the main thing we see a positive, creative attitude.” [Id.]

And he added on Telegram that restoring dialogue “is a difficult and gradual process. But each meeting, each frank conversation allows us to move forward.” [Id.]

So, once again — as the war drags on and more Ukrainian civilians are killed — we are left knowing nothing: not the people involved in the meeting, a general idea of what was discussed, or what next steps might be under consideration. He did say, though, that the unnamed members of the Trump administration conducted themselves “with great respect, ask a lot of questions, find compromises,” and that he “invited colleagues from the United States to visit Russia.” [Id.]

How nice! Ukrainian President Zelensky gets humiliation; Russia’s envoy gets great respect and compromises. Zelensky gets shown the door; Dmitriev invites us for a reciprocal play date on their turf.

We are now being referred to as “colleagues” from the United States. What’s next . . . “comrades”?

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
4/4/25

So here we are — an entire world filled with people desperately trying to remain relatively sane while our brains process the daily reports of wars, earthquakes, tariffs, inflation, starvation, the coming hurricane season, and whether or not Taylor Swift really said she’s moving to Canada — and some genius comes up with the solution to all of the world’s problems: More babies.

Actually, it’s more than just one “genius” — it’s an entire fringe group, almost completely from the political right, who call themselves “Pronatalists.” And they’re telling us . . . typically for any extremist group . . . that what is right for them is right for everyone. They’re all about large families, so that’s what the rest of us should be doing as well.

Procreate, procreate, procreate.

Just pop those little humans out, year after year after year, whether or not you can afford to support them, or have room to house them, or are blessed with the patience to deal with them as they reach their teens and begin telling you what a shitty parent you’ve been all these years because you didn’t pay enough individual attention to each of the 12 little darlings.

And no, this is not the product of one of my weird dreams during those occasional moments of REM sleep. As evidence, meet the Collinses . . . whose picture, unfortunately, looks to me suspiciously like an AI creation, but who are apparently quite real. (No offense intended . . . but don’t you see it too?)

Anyway, when interviewed in their 18th-century cottage somewhere in Pennsylvania, mom Simone was conservatively dressed in a black pilgrim pinafore with a wide collar. The interviewer said that, at 8:30 a.m., Simone looked a little tired from running several businesses, juggling four small children, and being pregnant with a fifth. That, at least, is completely understandable.

Asked if she and her husband Malcolm planned to continue having children after this next one, Simone said:

“At least seven, and as many as I can physically carry — 12 would be even more brilliant.” [Stephanie Hegarty, BBC, April 1, 2025.]

Well, I don’t know about you, dear reader, but that doesn’t sound particularly brilliant to me. Simone and Malcolm are already 37 ad 38 years of age, and theoretically, they could be grandparents before their youngest children are out of elementary school.

Ah, but there is method to their madness . . . because they have offered themselves up as models for pronatalism, opening their home to interviews and photo shoots so that they might better spread the gospel according to the Collinses.

They believe that falling birth rates are a big problem for society, and that larger families are the solution. However, they do not go about this randomly. They have claimed that they “have used special technology, during the IVF process, to screen their embryos for traits such as intelligence.” In 2023, they told an undercover reporter — yes, an undercover reporter! — that “The studies let us know what our genetic predilection for IQ is. We will never choose a child who is less privileged in IQ than either of us.” [Id.]

At this point, I hear you screaming: “No, wait! This is some kind of insane April Fool’s joke . . . isn’t it??!!!”

Because that’s exactly what I thought. But no . . . dad Malcolm Collins went on to explain to the BBC reporter:

“The easiest way to [spread the word about pronatalism] was to turn ourselves into a meme . . . If we take a reasonable approach to things and say things are nuanced, nobody engages. And then we go and say something outrageous and offensive and everyone’s into it.” [Id.]

So maybe the IVF technology thing was made up . . . which is a great relief, because it was beginning to sound like something out of a Nazi horror movie — you know . . . selective breeding, and all that.

*. *. *

And now, for comic effect, let’s bring the U.S. government into it — or, at least, certain members of the administration: those at the very top of the food chain.

The Collinses are encouraged by Elon Musk — said to have fathered 12 or 14 children of his own by a variety of baby mamas — having called fertility decline “the biggest danger civilisation faces, by far.” (Right . . . definitely bigger than global warming, or nuclear holocaust.) He is reported to have donated $10 million to the Population Wellbeing Initiative in Texas, which conducts research into fertility, parenting, and the future of population growth. [Id.]

Well, I certainly hope he used his own money for that, and not the salaries of all the people who have just been fired from their government jobs.

*. *. *

And that guy with no first name — JD Vance — also told people at an anti-abortion rally in January that “I want more babies in the United States of America.” [Id.] (It’s not clear to me, from this one short comment, whether he meant children of his own, or other people’s. But no matter.)

Then, of course, he helped to put some of those prospective parents out of work as well.

*. *. *

There’s also the new Secretary of Transportation, Sean Duffy, who boasts of having so many children (nine, at last count) that he sometimes loses count of them:

“If you look at what’s good for country and society, it’s to reproduce, to have kids. That shows that you’re healthy, you’re strong, and you’re patriotic.” [Casey Tolan, CNN, March 30, 2025.]

Otherwise, I presume, you’re an un-American weakling and need to be culled from the general population.

*. *. *

But let’s not forget Donald Trump’s contribution to the cause: an executive order signed on February 18th, improving access for IVF that recognized “the importance of family formation and that our nation’s public policy must make it easier for loving and longing mothers and fathers to have children.” [BBC, op.cit.]

Fine. Just don’t — whatever you do — try to have those kids vaccinated later.

*. *. *

Lest you think this Pronatalism movement is entirely about familial love and the warmth of a large family environment, be assured there is a political side to it as well. The Collinses, who describe themselves as former liberals who became disillusioned with progressive (i.e., “woke”) politics, consider themselves to be pragmatic and anti-bureaucratic:

“We are a coalition of people who are incredibly different in our philosophies, our theological beliefs, our family structures. But the one thing we agree on is that our core enemy is the urban monoculture; the leftist unifying culture.” [Id.]

Well, okay, then . . . I have a suggestion for the Collinses: Rather than continue suffering the “wokeness” of our “leftist, unifying, urban monoculture” (whatever that means), I know where you can get a really nice piece of farmland, at an unbelievably reasonable price, with neighbors who share your vision, in a place that is actively working to grow its population.

Just get in touch with the (formerly Canadian) Feenstra family in Nizhny Novgorod, Russia; they’ll help you through the immigration process.

*. *. *

At this point, I really don’t know what else to say, other than:

Please let this be another weird dream!

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
4/4/25

P.S. Because of the length of this article — not to mention the golden opportunity for a bit more wit and sarcasm — I am cutting it off here, and will be continuing with a second episode, tentatively to be titled, “Permission To Copulate … Not Merely Granted, But Actively Encouraged.” Stay tuned.

It wasn’t enough that they poisoned him, imprisoned him when he refused to die, and finally managed to end his life in a Siberian penal colony on February 16, 2024.

Or that they forced his family and colleagues to flee the country in order to avoid a similar fate.

Nor was it enough that they physically attacked a former member of his team, Leonid Volkov, in front of his home-in-exile in Lithuania just a year ago on March 12, 2024, beating him with a hammer and spraying tear gas in his eyes.

Now they — “they” being Vladimir Putin’s FSB goon squad — have gone after Volkov’s father: 69-year-old mathematics professor Mikhail Volkov.

In February, Professor Volkov was dismissed from his position at the Ural Federal University without explanation. And today (Moscow time), his home in Ekaterinburg, Russia, was searched — allegedly as part of an investigation into the financing of Navalny’s Anti-Corruption Foundation (FBK), which has been classified by the Russian government since 2021 as an extremist organization. Claiming that the elder Volkov had contributed to the FBK, they confiscated electronic devices from his home, and he was detained for interrogation.

Though he was later released, he has been ordered not to leave the city, as a criminal case has officially been filed against him. [Merhat Sharipzhan, RFE/RL, April 3, 2025.]

Leonid Volkov has said that his father’s treatment is “revenge for the work I have been doing, am doing, and do not intend to stop.” [Id.]

The FBK, of course, was the organization founded by Aleksei Navalny to investigate corruption within the Russian political hierarchy . . . and they found plenty of it. By designating it as an extremist organization, the Russian government ensured that its activities were banned, and that anyone contributing or connected to it — including journalists who merely covered Navalny’s court hearings — could face criminal charges. [Id.]

Since Navalny’s unexplained death a little over a year ago, members of his team — including his wife — have continued their work in exile. But Putin’s revenge knows no bounds; he continues to pursue the families of opposition leaders who have fled the country but left relatives behind.

*. *. *

In 2021, the father of another Navalny associate, Ivan Zhdanov, was convicted of a false charge of “corruption.”

The elder Zhdanov was given a suspended three-year sentence in December of 2021, but was then charged with alleged parole violation and sent to a penal colony in Archangelsk to serve out the sentence, despite the fact that the matter had not yet been finally adjudicated.

He was released from prison in November of 2023 . . . one of the lucky ones.

It is obvious that the crusade against all oppositionists — real or perceived — rages ever onward in Vladimir Putin’s Russia. And that it extends to the families and associates — and the families of associates — of those who threaten Putin’s absolute autocracy.

Even after death.

*. *. *

Mikhail Volkov, to my knowledge, is not yet in prison, though he is living under the shadow of criminal charges and travel restriction. And so I will not yet add him to our list of Putin’s political hostages. But based on the history of every other similar case, it can reasonably be expected that his will follow the predictable trajectory of detention, trial, conviction, sentencing, imprisonment, appeal, denial of appeal . . . followed by endless years of trying to survive in Dante’s Ninth Circle of Hell.

I hope I don’t have to begin a sub-list of Hostages-in-Waiting.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
4/3/25