Remember “Where’s Waldo?” That was for fun. But “Where’s Lloyd Austin?” Not so funny. In fact, not funny at all.
“Where’s Waldo?”
Because how do you lose track of your Secretary of Defense for days at a time, when even his deputy has no idea where he is despite having to take over his duties? And what would you do if there were a military emergency and you couldn’t find him? Did his wife know where he was? How — and why — did he convince her to keep her mouth shut? Was his life at risk during that time?
Holy f*ckin’ mackerel!
“I’m ba-a-a-ck!”
Okay, so we now know he was in the hospital, and he appears to be back at his desk and feeling fine. And the whole world doesn’t need to hear all the personal details. But it seems to me that, well, at least the President is entitled to some inkling of what’s going on with his Cabinet members. I mean . . . come on, now, people!
“He was where??!!!
What is this . . . Russia??????
No, it is not. But we do have laws, rules, regulations, prescribed procedures . . . and a chain of command. As a military man, Secretary Austin should be the first to realize the importance of that. And accountability. He is accountable to his boss — the President — and to the American people. I, for one, do not need to know why he was in the hospital . . . though, of course, I wish him well. But Joe Biden should know. Hell, common courtesy alone . . .
Tear down the wall! Remove the razor wire! Give the border patrol a well-deserved holiday! It’s time to celebrate, because America’s immigration problems have been solved at last . . . and by none other than Vladimir Putin. The man, as it turns out, is a genius.
Maybe Genius Is Contagious
Over the New Year’s holiday, some 3,000 or more migrants — most from the Central Asian “Stans” (Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, etc.) — were rounded up and arrested for alleged violations of Russia’s immigration laws.
In St. Petersburg alone, “Russian security forces hit the streets . . . on New Year’s Eve with the goal of hunting down migrants, rounding up as many of them as possible, and sending them off to fill the ranks of Moscow’s military in Ukraine.” [Allison Quinn, The Daily Beast, Jan. 3, 2024.] [Emphasis is mine.]
The plan, which had been in the works for several months, involved a raid on neighborhoods known to house the majority of the Central Asian migrants. An unnamed government source told Novaya Gazeta Europe:
“They have large families, and therefore the most preferred option is living in dorms and multi-room communal apartments [in certain areas of the city]. . . . It was in these areas that they decided to conduct mass raids.”
“Gotcha!”
Brilliant! Positively brilliant! In one master stroke, Putin not only got the immigrants off the streets; he also solved his military manpower problem. Why recruit so many good Russian boys when there are all these foreigners just hanging around, needing jobs?
*. *. *
Here in the U.S., we could adapt Putin’s model to our own needs. We might start with the busiest border crossings — Mexico comes immediately to mind, of course — where there are thousands already congregated and ripe for the picking. Just usher them into the country and herd them into trucks that would take them directly — do not pass Go, do not collect $200 — to Jail.
A Truckful of Migrants
Then we tackle the problem of those who are already living here. Because immigrants quite understandably tend to create their own neighborhoods along ethnic lines, it would be easy enough to hit those areas in every major city in the U.S.: New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Miami, Washington . . . you get the idea.
But if you’re thinking they would be processed to weed out the illegals for deportation back to their home countries, you’re wrong; that would be a terrible waste of manpower. No, no, no. We use the Russian model: mobilization. Who cares about status? Legal, schmegal. They’re all useful somewhere.
Our armed forces are woefully short of cannon fodder . . . er, enlistees. (Sorry about that.) So, we just take all the strong, healthy young men and women — say, ages 16-40 — and put them in uniform, give them rifles and a bit of training, and make soldiers out of them, to be deployed wherever they’re needed. Any extras could be put to work on our aging infrastructure — highways, bridges, dams, etc.
Boot Camp
The next group — ages from around 41 to 65 — we divide between “educated” and “uneducated” categories. The educated group — those who speak decent English — can be used to cover jobs that are hard to fill with Americans because they don’t pay a living wage: clerks in 7-11 or McDonald’s, grocery baggers, security guards, and so on. The uneducated get the menial jobs that Americans turn their noses up at. (“Up at which Americans turn their noses”? Grammar can be such a pain in the ass.) Anyway, those are the jobs like trash collectors, street sweepers, office building cleaners, sewer maintenance workers. What did they expect when they came here — executive positions? Education? Free housing and medical care? Hell, our own people don’t get those things without paying through the nose. What are we running here . . . a charity?
Somebody’s Gotta Do It
Now for the really tricky categories: the elderly/infirm, and the children. There’s likely to be some controversy here, but tough jobs require tough decisions, and it’s got to be done. First, the elderly and infirm. They’re basically expendable, well past their “use by” dates. Agreed? Okay. So here’s what I’m wondering: Are there still societies that set their old folks adrift on rafts and let nature take its course? That sounds feasible, doesn’t it? “Illegal,” you say? “Cruel?” “Inhumane?” Well, Social Security can’t afford to support them — it’s not doing such a good job with our own old folks. So if you can come up with a better plan, let me know. In the meantime, we can put some of these younger, uneducated migrants to work building the rafts.
But the kids . . . well, they’re the future of any society. So they get locked up . . . er, housed . . . in boarding schools where they’ll be drilled day after day, year after year, in how to be good little immigrants so they can look forward to one day becoming eligible for the military draft, to be sent off to somewhere as yet unknown, to fight someone as yet unidentified, for some reason not yet conceived.
. . . and then there were none.
*. *. *
So how does all of this solve our future immigration problems? Well, the same way it solves Russia’s, of course. Because if you were from somewhere else — anywhere else — and you knew that this was now the extent of the American dream . . . would you want to come here? Quite simply, they’ll stop applying, and we won’t have any more foreigners coming “from prisons, from mental institutions — from all over the world . . . poisoning the blood of our country.” (Donald Trump said that, so it must be true . . . right?) [NBC News, Dec. 17, 2023.]
One of Wednesday’s (1/3/24) headlines from The Associated Press (AP) read:
“Russia and Ukraine exchange hundreds of prisoners of war in biggest release so far.”
Great news! Wonderful! Exciting! In a single exchange, 230 Ukrainian prisoners of war have been reunited with their families, and 248 Russian servicemen have returned home to Russia — proof that diplomacy can work.
Ukrainian POWs Returning Home
*. *. *
So why can’t Russia do as much for two Americans still being held on specious charges in Russian hellhole prisons?
Evan Gershkovich and Paul Whelan are HOSTAGES to some nefarious plan of Vladimir Putin’s, despite the condemnation of the entire free world. What will it take? When will these two innocent men be returned to their families?
I’m asking YOU, Mr. Putin . . . and the world is waiting for your answer.
There are a lot of people who seldom read beyond the headlines, either because of lack of time, lack of interest, or even a belief that they can glean the facts from just those few words. And sometimes that belief is correct . . . but not often. Because a headline can be — whether intentionally or not — misleading. And sometimes they’re just wrong. Case in point: Most of us are not old enough to remember this one from 1948, though it is well preserved in the annals of U.S. history:
Truman: “Oh yeah? Says Who?”
No, there never was a President Thomas E. Dewey. In 1948, the incumbent, Harry S. Truman — who had stepped up to the job when FDR passed away — iwas re-elected and served until 1952, when he was succeeded by Dwight D. Eisenhower. But the odds, and the polls, had been so strongly in Dewey’s favor that the newspapers were comfortable with printing the aticipated “results” ahead of time. Lesson learned.
But headlines can be very helpful in guiding us to the articles that most interest us, and in giving us a sense of what’s happening in the world today. Unfortunately, what’s happening in the world isn’t always what we’d like to hear. And, also unfortunately, the article doesn’t always match the headline. But let’s look at some examples from just the first few days of this new year.
*. *. *
First Headline:“Trump, potential VP pick and former actress swarm Iowa ahead of caucuses.”[CBS News, Jan. 4, 2024.] I try to avoid the subject of U.S. politics as much as possible, but this one caught my eye because of the mention of a potential VP choice and a “former actress.” (Also, I’m not sure three people really constitute a “swarm,” but I’ll chalk that up to the Trump team’s well-known preference for gross exaggeration.) So I opened the article and found that, besides his son Eric, Trump had converged on Iowa with South Dakota governor Kristi Noem and . . . oh, my God, no! . . . say it isn’t . . . it can’t be . . . but it is! It’s Roseanne Barr!! Loud, coarse, insulting, vulgar, every-other-word-out-of-her-mouth-is-an-obscenity, Roseanne Barr.
She’s the short one
Ordinarily, I would have some sort of comment here, but I am — to use my favorite British-ism — gobsmacked. Just when you think Trump can’t possibly sink any lower . . . Okay, I’m edging preciously close to a comment here, and I really don’t want to do that. But . . . Oh! My! God!
Bottom line: There really is none. We’ve already hit bottom.
*. *. *
Second Headline: “Will Putin agree to a Ukraine ceasefire in 2024?” [Harriet Marsden, The Week UK, Jan. 3, 2024.] Here we have a question that just compels you to read further for an answer — if you’re interested, that is. And who isn’t interested in the war in Ukraine, right? Plus . . . great picture!
So I started reading. First was a report of the most recent carnage in Kyiv and other parts of Ukraine, quoting Financial Times, BBC News, and President Volodymyr Zelensky. Then a month-old quote from the New York Times: “[Putin is] buoyed by Ukraine’s failed counteroffensive and flagging Western support. . . . [But] in a recent push of back-channel diplomacy . . . [he]has been sending a different message. He is ready to make a deal.” Then there was mention of undated comments to the New York Times by two unnamed senior Russian officials to the effect that Putin had been “signalling” that he was “open to a ceasefire that freezes the fighting along the current lines, far short of his ambitions to dominate Ukraine.”
Then it continues with assurances that Putin intends to pursue his “special military operation” until his goals are met, countered by reports of a survey that “revealed that those who favour peace far outnumber pro-war voices.” [Euronews, Dec. 2023 – no exact date.] And “a grass-roots movement has been ‘gaining momentum’ recently.” [The Guardian, undated.]
And so it goes: he needs a ceasefire; he won’t cede any territory; but this is an opportune moment; but maybe he should wait until Trump is elected; but the Russian election is coming up in a couple of months . . .
Bottom line: That enticing question in the headline that drew me into the article in the first place remains unanswered. In fact, I’m more confused now than ever. But the art was good.
*. *. *
Third Headline: “Iran Explosions.” As of 6:26 a.m. EST, Thursday, Jan. 4, 2024, CNN reported that “Iran has vowed revenge on Israel after blaming the country for twin blasts that killed dozens Wednesday in the Iranian city of Kerman.”My reaction:“Oh, that’s bad! That’s really bad!”
Aftermath
At 11:49 a.m. EST, same day, CNN issued an urgent update:
“News Alert: ISIS claims responsibility for deadliest attack in Iran since 1979 revolution.”
My reaction:“Still really bad, but at least it was ‘just’ another one of those internal religious things, and not Israel going bonkers.”
Bottom line: While both CNN reports were accurate as of the time they were issued, it’s always best for the reader to wait for the full report. And even the second one pointed out that the ISIS claim of responsibility hadn’t yet been positively confirmed. So you probably shouldn’t take every news flash at face value.
*. *. *
Fourth (and final) Headline: “Here’s why MAGA politicians are deflecting hard & getting VERY NERVOUS about that Epstein List.” [Pride, Jan. 3, 2024.]
You know what? I’m going to let you search that one out for yourselves. It’s just way too tempting . . .
Left to right: Ex-POTUS; Ex-FLOTUS; the late Jeffrey Epstein (suicide while in prison); and Ghislaine Maxwell (convicted, still in prison). They say you’re judged by the company you keep. In this case, I’m not sure which way that would work.
Most of us, during that week between Christmas and New Year’s when we feel as though we’re in limbo waiting for the next big thing to happen, might think about making yet another list of New Year’s Resolutions in an attempt to improve our lives following the last twelve-month shit-storm. And most of us immediately dismiss the thought. But those who actually do make a list generally recycle the same prosaic, though well-intentioned, promises: to lose weight, to economize, to clean out all the closets, to get involved in some charity work. And by the end of January, the list has been lost and the demands of everyday life have drained us of every last bit of energy that would have been needed to keep those promises.
But not this guy.
“And I resolve . . .”
Oh, no . . . not him. We already know he’s physically fit because he’s an exercise nut, and he has people who prepare his healthy food for him; he’s filthy stinkin’ rich so he doesn’t need to economize; and as for charity work . . . well, excuse me while I ROFLMAO. Because when, in his entire miserable, self-centered, cruel, vicious, narcissistic, murderous, unsympathetic, unempathetic, evil life has he ever given a moment’s thought to anyone other than himself? Charity?? Pshaw!
So what’s left for him to resolve? Actually, plenty. Because he wants to own the world, and that takes planning. So here’s how I envision King Vlad dictating his list of New Year’s Resolutions for 2024:
First:I’ll start with those two Asian guys, Xi and Kim, he says. They’re getting entirely too big for their britches — especially that chubby Kim, ha-ha! I’ll have to have someone arrange for them to fall out of a couple of windows, or off that Great Wall, or maybe an airplane. Then what? North Korea’s kind of a wasteland, so I can just let that die a natural death. But China has a huge economy, lots of advanced technology, and millions of potential conscripts for my army. That’s a keeper, for sure.
Second:Ukraine needs to be wrapped up once and for all . . . but on my terms, of course. With all those millions of little Chinese guys in my army, I’m sure that won’t be a problem. We’ll just overrun Zelensky and those other Jewish Nazis. Then it’s on to Moldova, Georgia, Poland, the Baltics . . . What fun!
Third:Closer to home, there are still a bunch of smart-assed oligarchs that need to be taken down a few pegs. So I resolve to nationalize all of their “private” companies, confiscate their other assets, charge them all with corruption or naziism or whatever, and ship them off to one of those Siberian country club prisons.
Top-Ten Hit List
Fourth:Which reminds me . . . I need to add another ten years or so to the sentences of those trouble-makers Navalny and Kara-Murza. They’re never gonna see the outside of a prison camp again, I promise you that. Also need to dangle the American hostages, Whelan and that Jew . . . what’s his name? . . . yeah, Gershkovich . . . for an exchange, and see who I can get the Americans to send back. They’re so stupid, giving us Viktor Bout for the girl basketball player. Idiots!
Alexei Navalny
Fifth:And speaking of those LGBTQ people . . . I miss the good old days before the internet and social media, when we could keep everything secret and pretend they didn’t exist in our glorious country. But it’s too late for that, so we’ll just have to round them all up and send them off to an island, someplace where they’ll just die out naturally. Oh, I know! One of the Kuril Islands. They’re not good for much else anyway. And if Japan still wants them, they can have them — but they have to take all the gay people with them, and agree never to release them.
Sixth:Ukraine again. Resolve to step up the bombardments and missile attacks. There are still a few hospitals and apartment buildings left standing. I already announced I wouldn’t stop until I’ve reached my goal. And I always keep my word.
Kyiv, Ukraine
Seventh:As for the Middle East, I must remember to increase arms shipments to Hamas, Hezbollah, ISIS, and the others. Israel is really getting on my nerves. Who knew those smart-ass Jewish intellectuals could fight like that?
Eighth:Belarus . . . what to do about Belarus? That Lukashenko clown is getting too ambitious for his own good, wants a say in how things are run. Wonder what’s the tallest building in Minsk . . .
Aleksandr Lukashenko
Ninth:Finland. Sending all those Africans and Arabs begging for asylum at our border with that giant popsicle country has been a major annoyance to the Finns, but not as effective as I’d hoped; they just keep blasting “Finlandia” at us across the border. (That Sibelius was no Tchaikovsky — maybe we should try the “1812 Overture,” cannons and all.) No, we need something to really weaken them so they come begging us to take them back. Maybe kill off their herring supply? . . .
Tenth: And of course, there’s the friggin’ United States. So much to do there: get Trump elected, first of all. But if they actually convict him of something, then who? Maybe DeSantis? He’d be easier to manipulate than Trump, but doesn’t have the big following. Anyway, after the election, get them to leave NATO, put the razor wire back up on the Mexican border, fire up those MAGA idiots. And I must get a few more of our people inside the CIA, FBI, NSA, Fox News . . . So many vulnerabilities; so little time.
Self-Portrait
Eleventh:Must resolve to clean out my own house too — and I don’t mean the closets. Start with Lavrov, Peskov, Patrushev, Medvedev. They’ve been pretty useful, but like all of their predecessors, they’ve gotten to the point where they know too much and think they’re indispensable. Either they fall into line, or they’re gone. Must work on replacements. If only Dzerzhinsky were actually still alive . . .
*. *. *
Well, now, that’s a pretty good start; should take me through March or April, at least. Have I forgotten anyone? Maybe Switzerland?
Iosif Vissarianovich Djugashvili, better known as Josef Stalin: a name whose simple mention brings cold chills to those of us old enough to remember him. Tyrant, dictator, drug-induced paranoiac, fanatical racist, mass murderer — all appropriate descriptors, yet none quite strong enough to evoke an adequate image of the man. He was, simply, evil personified.
And now, he is being reincarnated as a hero — the great man who industrialized the Soviet Union; who carried it through the “Great Patriotic War” (as the Russians refer to World War II); who brought peace, prosperity and stability to his people and their beloved country. Statues are being erected in his honor again; memorials to his six million victims are being destroyed; and now . . . with the approval, and even at the direction, of Vladimir Putin . . . “Stalin Centers” are being opened throughout Russia.
“Wait . . . what?!! Seriously??!!!”
Unfortunately, yes. It’s been going on for years, the majority of the centers having been created just since Vladimir Putin took office. Many, but not all, appear to be in rural areas, where the standard of living is lower and people long for the days of stability and order. These centers seek to “re-educate” people by glorifying Comrade Stalin’s many years of service to his country . . . while conveniently forgetting to mention the years of terror when a knock on the door could, and often did, mean the end of one’s existence.
In addition, an estimated 100+ statues and monuments to Stalin, many newly installed, dot Russia’s massive landscape. One in particular — in the Tatarstan region of Naberezhnye Chelny — stands out as unique. There is a bench that resembles a sofa, with a sculpted “blanket” draped over the back and one arm. Seated on one end of the bench is the figure of Comrade Stalin, seemingly engaged in rapt conversation, visually inviting passersby to sit down and have a chat with him.
“Tell me, Comrade Stalin . . .”
Leonid Nevzlin, a businessman who fled Russia for Israel in 2003, offered the following in a 2020 essay for Radio Free Europe / Radio Liberty’s (RFE/RL’s) Russian Service:
“‘Stalin’ is our everyday reality. The Putin regime has a completely defined relationship to Stalin, to Stalinists, to Stalinism. This relationship is primarily tied to the roots of the regime. The KGB [and other Soviet security agencies] cannot be against ‘Stalin’ as an idea and as a practice. Stalin is their patron, their fate, and their biography.”
He continued:
“‘Stalin’ is a special operation under which the population is being drawn into the process of Stalinization and being recruited to become neo-Stalinists. In the cultural-psychological sense, we remain a Stalinist society.” [Robert Coalson, RFE/RL, Jan. 1, 2024.]
According to Denis Volkov, Director of the independent polling agency Levada Center, 47 percent of Russians polled in 2023 said they regarded Stalin “with respect.” Whereas, during Mikhail Gorbachev’s era of glasnost, Stalin was regarded with contempt as the details of his crimes became publicly known. Yet today he has become “normalized” in the everyday lives of Russians. [RFE/RL, Jan. 1, 2024.]
Imitation: the Sincerest Form of Flattery
“Stalin constantly appears in the public space,” said Denis Volkov of the Levada Center. And right along with him — God help us all! — is the return of Feliks Dzerzhinsky, founder of the Soviet secret police (originally known as the Cheka) and master of political terror without equal. The people of Moscow celebrated in August of 1991 as they tore down the huge statue of his likeness that had stood since 1958 in front of KGB Headquarters, in what was then known as Dzerzhinsky Square (now Lubyanka Square). But in September of 2023, a slightly smaller version was unveiled in front of the Moscow headquarters of the SVR (successor to the KGB) foreign intelligence service. The event was presided over by SVR Director Sergei Naryshkin, a Putin colleague who, from 2009-12, headed the government’s ironically-titled Historical Truth Commission.
“Iron” Feliks Dzerzhinsky
*. *. *
In 2021, Memorial — an international human rights organization created in Russia for the purpose of examining and revealing Stalin’s human rights violations and other crimes, and the recipient of one of three Nobel Peace prizes in 2022 — was closed in Russia for allegedly violating the “foreign agents” law. At the liquidation hearing in Moscow’s main court, the prosecutor ingenuously intoned:
“Memorial besmirches our history. It forces us — a generation of victors and the heirs of victors — to justify our history.”
It all defies belief. But it is all happening again, this time under the rule of Vladimir Putin. And it is terrifying.
*. *. *
And what about the future? Well — as Stalin knew all too well — get them young enough, while their minds are open and impressionable, and you’ve got them for life. And Stalin’s #1 modern-day admirer, Vladimir Putin, is not stupid. He has spent years studying Stalin’s methods. So . . .
New curricula — which should more appropriately be labelled “propaganda” — are being created for the schools. Youth athletic parades, reminiscent of Soviet days, have appeared, including in Moscow’s Red Square. And the littlest children — some as young as four years old — are being schooled in military exercises, complete with toddler-sized uniforms.
The Littlest Recruits
A whole new generation is about to grow up believing that this life — a life of regimentation, militarism, fear, paranoia, and unquestioning worship of their “infallible leader” — is normal.
And there isn’t a single thing we outsiders can do about it. As I was once told by a Russian Foreign Ministry official when I had the audacity to mention Afghanistan: “That is strictly an internal affair.”
We humans are an odd bunch, for many reasons. But one of the most foolish things we do repeatedly, year after year, decade after decade, is place our faith in some magical, mystical, absolutely implausible ability of January 1st to make things better. Not just for ourselves, but for the entire world. Has it happened yet? Looking around, I’d say no. And yet we continue to hope. I suppose a world without hope would be totally unbearable; yet, how much disappointment can we continue to bring upon ourselves? And what do they say about the definition of insanity? That it’s doing the same thing over and over, exactly the same way, and expecting a different result. I rest my case.
Yet here I am, having awakened — two days in a row now — to a brand-new year, and finding that nothing has changed. My back still aches; my bank account doesn’t show any unexpected deposits; and I don’t smell a huge English breakfast being prepared for me in the kitchen. Inconceivably, even that’s not enough evidence for me — I have to click into the day’s news reports too.
Oh, crap!
It wasn’t just a bad dream after all. Japan started the year off with a bang . . . literally. On New Year’s Day, a 7.5-magnitude earthquake struck western Japan, causing a number of deaths and injuries, severe structural damage and power outages; stranding 1,400 passengers on bullet trains between the cities of Toyama and Kanazawa; and precipitating tsunami warnings (later downgraded to advisories) along the island nation’s west coast, where four-foot waves were reported.
Elsewhere, the war in Ukraine rages on, and is becoming more and more fierce as Russia steps up its bombardments specifically aimed at civilian targets, and striking cities in the north, south, east, west and central regions, all on the same day.
And Israel continues to pursue Hamas with a goal of wiping out the terrorist organization, but meanwhile racking up a terrifying number of civilian casualties. Charges have even been lodged against Israel for alleged war crimes. But wasn’t Hamas’ original attack also a war crime?
Where is the biblical Solomon when you need him to figure these things out?
Solomon the Wise
And the all-too familiar “accidents” are still occurring in Russia, where friends, supporters, cronies of Vladimir Putin continue to fall — not merely out of favor — but out of windows to their deaths, which are then attributed to “heart conditions.” In September of 2022, Lukoil tycoon Ravil Maganov, age 67, took a nosedive from a window of the elite Central Clinical Hospital in Moscow. He was reported to be suffering from heart problems. Coincidentally, the hospital’s CCTV cameras had been “turned off for repairs” . . . and Putin himself was reported to be visiting the hospital . . . all on the same day.
In February of this past year, Marina Yankina, a 58-year-old top Russian defense official, fell 160 feet to her death in St. Petersburg. She had been a key figure in the funding of Putin’s war in Ukraine.
While we’re at it, let us not forget the most spectacular “fall” of all: that of Yevgeny Prigozhin, whose plane fell from the sky in August of 2023, killing him, two of his top Wagner Group officials, four bodyguards, three flight crew members, and a par . . . oh, no, that’s all. No partridge; just ten people.
This past week, Vladimir Egorov, 46, a member of the ruling United Russia party from the Tobolsk region in western Siberia, was found dead in a courtyard outside his home. No information has yet been advanced as to the cause of his death, though it wouldn’t surprise anyone if we were to learn that it had something to do with a “heart problem,” and not that hitting-the-pavement thing.
Hmmm . . . To Jump, Or Not To Jump?
And one more to close out the year, though this one was just a close call. Russia’s “egg king” . . . yes, apparently there is such a thing . . . survived an assassination attempt just two days after he had become the target of an investigation for alleged price fixing. His name is Gennady Shiryaev, and he was driving his BMW 4×4 in Voronezh, Russia, when he was ambushed by a gunman firing two shots, both of which missed. Obviously, the people of Russia take their eggs, and the grossly inflated price thereof, very seriously. Whether the shooting was meant as a warning, or the gunman was just a lousy shot, is not so obvious. It is also not known whether the shooter was a disgruntled citizen fed up with the cost of groceries, or a professional assassin hired to do a job. What is clear, however, is the manner in which issues are being dealt with in today’s Russia: If someone becomes a problem, eliminate them. Problem solved.
“Busted!”
*. *. *
But those are just drops in the bucket of doom. I have found a list of no fewer than 26 suspicious deaths of prominent Russians in 2022 and another couple of dozen in 2023. That’s a lot of people, still in the prime of life, having heart attacks while standing next to an open window — although some of the reported causes were undoubtedly different, and hopefully more imaginative.
But in all fairness, they were warned. In July of 2000, Putin summoned 21 of his top oligarchs and business leaders and assured them that he wouldn’t reverse the privatization of their assets . . . “provided they pledged their loyalty to him and agreed not to meddle in politics.” And certainly, with each new report of an “accidental” death, it must have occurred to some of these people that something was decidedly fishy.
And then there’s this, previously quoted by me in my blog post of December 14, 2023:
“But . . . analysts suggest that loyalty had not been enough for Putin and that he wants to create a new cadre of hugely wealthy figures who are beholden to him by distributing the assets that the state has seized from foreign companies exiting Russia and through invalidating the privatizations from the 1990s.
”Analyst Nikolai Petrov of Britain’s Royal Institute of International Affairs wrote that Russia is engaged in deprivatization ‘intended to redistribute wealth to a new generation of less-powerful individuals and shore up the president’s own position.’
“A new group of quasi-owner state oligarchs is being created, with wealth and control redistributed from the ‘old nobles’ to the new . . .” [Jim Heinz, Associated Press, Dec. 6, 2023.]
*. *. *
It seems to me that it doesn’t get much more straightforward than that. To make way for the new, one must first clear out the old — whether it’s clothes, furniture, or people.
A Clean Sweep
And if the old won’t leave voluntarily, they sometimes have to be given a little push.
I don’t know how he does it. But even in the most isolated, most frozen, most notoriously restrictive of Russia’s Siberian prison camps, Alexei Navalny somehow manages to get word out to his team of supporters. And on New Year’s Eve, he once more reached out with words of cheer and hope to the outside world:
“‘I miss you terribly’ is a kind of incorrect construction from the point of view of the Russian language. It’s better to say: ‘I miss you a lot’ or ‘I miss you so much.’ But from my point of view, it is more accurate and correct. I miss my family terribly. Yulia, my children, my parents, my brother. I miss my friends, colleagues, our office, and my work. I miss you all terribly.”
He went on to say that he doesn’t have “feelings of loneliness, abandonment, or isolation at all. My mood is great and quite Christmassy. But there is no substitute for normal human communication in all its forms: from jokes at the New Year’s table to correspondence in Telegram and comments on Instagram and Twitter. Happy New Year to everyone. Arctic hugs and polar greetings to all. Love you all.” [Radina Gigova and Darya Tarasova, CNN, Dec. 31, 2023.]
Remarkable words — under the most abysmal conditions — from a remarkable man.
In return, I send to you, Alexei Navalny — and to all of your fellow political HOSTAGES being held in Russian prisons on fictitious charges — my wish that this be the last holiday season that any of you will have to spend in a Russian prison. The governments of the United States and other free nations are working on your behalf. Your families, friends and colleagues continue to do the same. You have not been . . . you will not be . . . forgotten.
It has been one week since I started this daily reminder about those prisoners — no, HOSTAGES — of conscience, both Russian and foreign, being held in Russian penal camps for alleged offenses that should not be labelled as “crimes.” From today, in order not to become so familiar as to risk being overlooked, these reminders will be issued weekly. This is not to imply that they are any less important — quite the contrary! Every week ... every day ... every minute that goes by is that much time stolen from the lives of these noble people and their families. We must keep up the pressure to bring them home.
When Abraham Lincoln wrote those words in 1863, they became part of the Gettysburg Address.
I don’t have to tell you that I am not possessed of that level of greatness, either in terms of statesmanship or literary ability. But it’s a brand new year, so I thought I should somehow address the subject of resolutions, agonizing as that may be.
Yes, I hear your collective Grro-o-o-a-a-a-nnn!!! But never fear — I no longer bother with the resolutions that won’t make it past January 2nd, like losing those ten (or so) ugly pounds, sticking to a smart budget, or re-joining the gym. I have other, bigger, better things in mind this year. So read on, please . . .
Kid Stuff
First: I resolve to acknowledge my age. That doesn’t mean I’m going to share it with the world; I’m just going to admit to myself that I am no longer “a little past middle age,” or “getting older,” or “a lively senior citizen.” I am officially an old person. I’ve lost many friends and relatives in the last several years, some even a little younger than myself, and it’s hard. I’m not merely in the last quarter of my life; according to the actuarial tables, I should already be dead. So there.
Second: Because each morning that I wake up is now a bonus day, I resolve not to do things just because I should. If I should do laundry but don’t feel like it . . . screw it. If I should catch up on my emails but don’t feel like it . . . to hell with it. And if I should make that dentist appointment but don’t want to . . . well, f*ck that too. There’s always tomorrow. And if there isn’t, well then, what will any of those other things matter?
Tomorrow is another day . . . maybe.
Third: I resolve to eat whatever I damn well please. Oh, not enough to make myself sick — whatever time I have left, I’d rather not spend it heaving my guts into the toilet bowl. But if I want extra soy sauce on my Chinese food, I’m not going to count every last gram of sodium. And if those brownies are calling my name, I’m not going to worry about the sugar, or the caffeine in the chocolate. One or two brownies won’t kill me, and if they do . . . f*ck that too. I’ve already exceeded my “use by” date by several years anyway.
I’m With Him!
Fourth: I’m tired of always trying to be ladylike. If I want to swear like a longshoreman, I won’t worry about who’s within earshot. If I choose to dress like a hooker, that’s my prerogative. (I’ve never actually tried it, but that’s beside the point; I’m just keeping my options open.) And as for my posture, I’m always dressed in long pants anyway, so why do I have to keep my knees together when I sit down? That’s fine for royalty, but in case you hadn’t noticed, I am not Kate Middleton. So I resolve to be comfortable, no matter what.
The Royal Posture
Fifth: And speaking of comfort, I resolve not to agonize over every little unexpected noise that might escape my tired old body. I certainly won’t do it on purpose, but an accident is an accident, and if anyone is offended by a fart, they can just leave the room. And I won’t blame it on the dog, the way my mother used to do. No one believed her anyway.
Sixth: I resolve not to suffer fools any longer. If you’re an idiot, or a pain in the ass, please don’t try to be my best friend. I don’t have time or energy to waste trying to talk sense into you.
Begone, Fool!
Seventh: I resolve, for the first time in my adult life, not to vote this year. There is no candidate worth voting for in any party, and I refuse to pretend I’m proud to wear that little sticker that says I did my civic duty. I stopped being proud when Truman left office.
We need more like him.
Eighth: I resolve to take more naps . . . Oh, never mind; I already do that. Moving on.
The Ultimate Luxury
Ninth: I resolve to continue doing the same things I’m already doing to keep from losing my mind entirely: reading, doing puzzles, playing Scrabble, and — most important — writing. It may take me a moment longer to remember a name or a familiar word these days, but as long as I can keep cranking out this blog in some coherent form, I know I’m doing all right.
As long as I have that thesaurus . . .
Tenth: And finally, I resolve to stop apologizing because I can’t walk faster, or hear what you’re saying, or reach the stuff on the upper shelf. I’m old, I’m short, and my joints are stiff. So be patient with me; you’ll find out what it’s like, soon enough.
*. *. *
That’s about it, I guess. I feel one of those naps coming on now, and not a moment too soon. I’ll just be turning on the TV, snuggling up with my fuzzy blanket, and grabbing some zzzzzzzz . . .
Happy New Year, one more time, Brendochka 01/01/24
