Imagine, if you will, that you’re working as vice-president of a large pharmaceutical company that is under federal investigation for violation of some obscure trade regulation. It’s nothing earth-shattering; no bad medications have reached the market, no lives have been endangered, no competitors driven out of business, no foreign trade sanctions violated.

But your boss is nervous about possible financial losses and damage to his company’s reputation. You have access to the type of information that would likely result in your being called as a witness, and he orders you to give false testimony at the upcoming hearing.

You owe a great deal to this boss, who has mentored you and brought you up through the ranks, paid you well and provided generous benefits and an outstanding retirement plan. You feel tremendous loyalty to him. And, as required for all employees of the company, you have signed a non-disclosure agreement to protect their proprietary information.

But you know that what you are being ordered to do is illegal: it’s perjury, punishable by imprisonment. And even aside from the legal issue, you know that it is morally wrong and in opposition to your own principles.

What do you do?

Well, if you’re me, you start with a few sleepless nights. Then you march yourself into the boss’ office, express your gratitude for the years you’ve been with the company . . .

. . . and tender your resignation.

It won’t get you out of testifying; you will probably still be subpoenaed. But you will be able to give truthful, accurate, objective testimony, and walk away with a clear conscience.

*. *. *

So what is this about? No, I am not working for a less-than-scrupulous pharmaceutical executive, and I am not about to be called to testify before a Congressional committee, grand jury, or court of law (nor have I ever been).

What I am talking about is the Pentagon — headquarters of the United States Department of Defense (DoD) — undertaking an investigation and considering the possibility of recalling Democratic Senator Mark Kelly to active duty for the sole purpose of having him face a court-martial for “serious allegations of misconduct.”

From what I have learned, Kelly, as a retired naval officer, is technically subject to possible recall by the DoD. And there is appellate court precedent stating that it is constitutional to court-martial retired service members. But for what purpose? Surely, not to punish them for speaking out against Donald Trump’s policies?

But that is precisely what is happening in this case. Because Kelly is one of the six members of Congress — two Senators and four Representatives — who posted a video on X reminding members of the armed forces that they have a duty to disobey illegal orders from their superior officers. And Trump — along with his “Secretary of War,” former Fox pretty-boy Pete Hegseth — blew a pair of fuses when they heard that.

Because no one — but no one — has the right, in Trump’s parallel universe, to criticize his lethal bombardment of suspected drug runners in international waters, or his illegal deployment of military troops to establish de facto martial law in our own peaceful cities.

In a statement issued by the DoD, it was pointed out that:

“A servicemember’s personal philosophy does not justify or excuse the disobedience of an otherwise lawful order.” [Natasha Bertrand, CNN, November 24, 2025.]

Fair enough. But what Kelly and the others were referencing were not “lawful” orders, nor were they talking about a service member’s “personal philosophy.” The orders to which they referred are already matters of concern to members of Congress in both houses and from both parties, to the American public at large, and — particularly in the case of the suspected drug smugglers — to the international community as well.

Georgetown University law professor Steve Vladeck has warned:

“Going all the way back to the Founding, we’ve been wary of the exercise of military jurisdiction over civilians — so much so that the Supreme Court has struck down statutes authorizing courts-martial of, e.g., former servicemembers; military contractors; and the dependents of servicemembers. Retired servicemembers differ in that they remain at least theoretically subject to recall, but it still makes no sense to subject individuals to military jurisdiction in perpetuity just because, at some point in the past, they were on active duty.” [Id.]

Senator Adam Schiff has written on X:

“Senator Mark Kelly put his life on the line to serve and defend our nation, always putting the Constitution and his country first. Donald Trump and Pete Hegseth could learn a lot about putting duty before self from Mark and the other brave veterans speaking out.” [Maya Yang, The Guardian, November 24, 2025.]

Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer had this to say:

Trump is attempting to use the Pentagon as his personal attack dog. Just days after calling for violence against members of Congress. This is what dictators do. I stand with Sen. Kelly, as should any American who doesn’t want to be ruled by a King.” [Id.]

And Senator Patty Murray added:

“America needs more patriots like Senator Mark Kelly and fewer miserable cowards like Donald Trump and Pete Hegseth.” [Id.]

As for Senator Kelly himself, he is bravely standing his ground. Writing on X, he said:

“If this is meant to intimidate me and other members of Congress from doing our jobs and holding this administration accountable, it won’t work. I’ve given too much to this country to be silenced by bullies who care more about their own power than protecting the Constitution.” [Id.]

Hear! Hear!

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
11/25/25

There are still quite a few people alive today who recall V-E Day — the day in May of 1945 that World War II ended in Europe — and V-J Day, just three months later, when Japan surrendered, thus putting a close to the Pacific side of the war. But we all should at least remember learning about them.

And the world has been anxiously looking forward to “V-U Day,” a day when we will be able to celebrate the end of Russia’s war against Ukraine — the longest and most devastating conflict in Europe in the last 80 years. The current phase, which began with Russia’s incursion into eastern Ukraine on February 24, 2022, is approaching its fourth anniversary. But it really started in 2014 with the Russian invasion and annexation of Crimea, a peninsula jutting from the southern Ukrainian mainland into the Black Sea and separated from mainland Russia by the Kerch Strait.

Thus far, all attempts at negotiating a ceasefire and a peace agreement have failed miserably, due almost exclusively to Vladimir Putin’s refusal to consider the slightest concession or compromise of his demands. It’s his way or the highway.

During the past several days, there has been a glimmer of hope in the form of a 28-point proposal from the U.S. administration, setting forth Donald Trump’s idea of a fair and just peace settlement . . . or what we were led to believe was his idea, with input from Secretary of State Marco Rubio and special envoy Steve Witkoff.

But when the first abbreviated details of the 28 points were leaked to the public, it was immediately obvious to anyone with a third-grade education that the proposal amounted to nothing less than Vladimir Putin’s shopping list, with lip service being paid to Ukraine’s post-war security requirements.

Then the recriminations began: first from Ukraine; then from the European allies, who had not even been advised of the preparation of the proposal; followed by accusations from members of the U.S. Senate that the list had actually been given to Witkoff by the Kremlin and passed along as Trump’s handiwork. Next came denials from both sides, indications of distress from Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky, and an all-too-familiar outburst from Trump chastising Zelensky for being ungrateful.

And immediately everyone — the U.S., Russia, Ukraine, and the European Coalition of the Willing — scrambled to do damage control. Conferences were held in Geneva on Sunday; a revised framework for negotiations was drawn up; everyone present said it had been a very productive day; and as for Putin . . . well, he admitted having received the original proposal.

Now the White House has issued the following statement, characterizing it as a joint U.S.-Ukraine statement:

“The talks [with Kyiv] were constructive, focused, and respectful, underscoring the shared commitment to achieving a just and lasting peace. The discussions showed meaningful progress toward aligning positions and identifying clear next steps. They reaffirmed that any future agreement must fully uphold Ukraine’s sovereignty and deliver a sustainable and just peace. As a result of the discussions, the parties drafted an updated and refined peace framework.” [RFE/RL, November 24, 2025.]

Both sides are said to have agreed to “remain in close contact with their European partners.” [Id.]

Trump himself has remained uncharacteristically quiet.

With Secretary of State Rubio saying that there had been a “tremendous amount of progress” made but that there was “still some work to be done,” and President Zelensky saying that there were “signals that President Trump’s team is hearing us,” [Jaroslav Lukiv, BBC, November 24, 2025], it is apparent that plans for the celebration of V-U Day should be kept on the back burner for now.

The much-touted proposal for a quick and lasting peace is not going anywhere in a hurry. No one knows how long revisions will have to be discussed before they will be accepted by Ukraine and its European allies. And then it must go to the Kremlin, where Putin can be expected to find sufficient fault in it to justify further delays.

Meanwhile, the war continues . . . as evidenced by last night’s assaults on Ukraine by 104 Russian strike drones and an Iskander-M ballistic missile — including one attack that struck a critical border crossing with NATO/EU member Romania — even as Ukraine commemorated the solemn anniversary of the Holodomor: the man-made famine orchestrated by the Soviet government in the 1930s that took millions of Ukrainian lives. [Id.]

But Putin says he wants peace.

Yeah . . . right.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
11/24/25

In today’s world — in which it has become nearly impossible to discern genuine facts in the midst of an incessant barrage of lies, rumors and misdirection — it seems most appropriate to share a couple of insightful quotes on the subject of deception.

And so, without further comment, I give you the words of an American socialist, activist, and trade unionist of the late 19th and early 20th centuries, Eugene V. Debs; and a 19th-century French poet, essayist and art critic, Charles Baudelaire — two vastly different people from different eras, but each wise in the ways of his fellow humans:

“In every age it has been the tyrant, the oppressor and the exploiter who has wrapped himself in the cloak of patriotism, or religion, or both to deceive and overawe the People.”

. . . and . . .

“The devil’s finest trick is to persuade you
that he does not exist.”

As promised, no comment from me is required.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
11/24/25

Not surprisingly, my mind is focused today on the current discussions being held in Europe concerning the Trump administration’s latest proposal for settlement of the war between Russia and Ukraine. And in that context, I have chosen as today’s quote, not the wise utterance of a long-dead Roman or Greek philosopher, or a 20th-century statesman, but the recent words of a living, breathing, knowledgeable American who is well acquainted with the issues and the parties involved in the world’s political arena.

Attorney, former First Lady of the United States, former U.S. Senator, and former U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is not an uncontroversial figure. But she never chose the easy path, and she has devoted her life — through her own career and that of her husband — to serving her country.

And she had this to say about the Trump proposal yesterday:

“With his ultimatum that Ukraine surrender to Russia, Trump finally wins a prize: The Neville Chamberlain award for betraying peace, freedom, and justice.”

*. *. *

Donald Trump, known for his disdain for the lessons of history, may never have heard of Neville Chamberlain — the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom from 1937 to 1940 who is best known for his appeasement of Adolf Hitler, and his signing of the Munich Agreement of 1938 that gave away a large part of Czechoslovakia — the ethnic-German-majority region of Sudetenland — to Nazi Germany in exchange for a promise of peace.

Hitler famously — or infamously — broke that pact in March of 1939 when he invaded the rest of Czechoslovakia, followed later that year by his invasion of Poland . . . the very possibilities that Ukraine and much of Europe now fear from Vladimir Putin.

Chamberlain was finally forced to resign as Prime Minister in May of 1940, making way for Winston Churchill to step in and guide Britain through the remaining five years of World War II.

Clinton, whether or not you like her, does know her history. And — as the saying goes — those who don’t know history, or who choose to ignore it, are doomed to repeat it.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
11/23/25

And if the bully’s name is Vladimir Putin, you might just as well hand him the keys to the kingdom, because there will be no stopping him now.

Some details of the 28-point peace proposal masterminded by Donald Trump and his hand-picked “Russia experts,” Marco Rubio and Steve Witkoff, have been leaked to the public, though not yet through official channels; and as expected (and feared), it gives Putin virtually everything he has been demanding from day one, with very little in the way of concessions on his part.

But here are the basics (all data and quotes are from an article by Matthew Chance and Nick Paton Walsh, CNN, November 21, 2025):

Points 1 and 2 state that Ukraine’s sovereignty will be confirmed, and that a comprehensive non-aggression agreement will be concluded among Russia, Ukraine, and Europe. So far, so good.

Point 3, as reported by CNN, says: “It is expected that Russia will not invade neighbouring countries and NATO will not expand further.”

This expectation is not what one would call reassuring, considering Russia’s centuries-long history of broken pledges. And as for NATO’s non-expansion, that would of course require the consent of NATO itself. But these are, at present, just talking points. So, moving on . . .

Point 4 provides for a dialogue to be held between Russia and NATO, mediated by the U.S. (again omitting Europe, which will be a problem), to resolve security issues, de-escalation, and opportunities for future economic cooperation and development.

Point 5 says that Ukraine will receive reliable security guarantees; but Point 6 follows up with a limitation on the size of Ukraine’s armed forces to 600,000 personnel.

Point 7 wants Ukraine to enshrine the pledge not to join NATO in its constitution, and NATO to include a provision in its statutes guaranteeing that Ukraine will never be admitted.

This is a big win for Putin. And, again, it would require the approval by all NATO members.

Point 8: NATO is to agree not to station its troops in Ukraine.

Point 9: For some inexplicable reason, this one states that European fighter jets will be stationed in Poland.

It’s not clear what this is supposed to accomplish, or who is expected to benefit from it: Poland, Ukraine, or all of Europe. Or, in fact, why it’s mentioned at all in view of the fact that European jets are already based in Poland because Poland is . . . guess what! . . . part of Europe, and yeah, they have jets. But the drafters of the proposal are clearly not into history or geography, and I predict that when this reaches Putin’s desk — and after he stops laughing — it will be scratched.

Point 10: This is headed “US guarantee,” and contains four bullet points. The first grants compensation to the US for proffering the security guarantees, and the other three involve penalties in the event either side invades the other.

Always good for a chuckle, the Trump Team added this very specific caveat: “If Ukraine launches a missile at Moscow or St. Petersburg without cause, the security guarantee will be deemed invalid.” Inasmuch as the second bullet point already covered any invasion of Russia by Ukraine, this additional provision makes one wonder whether Moscow and St. Petersburg are planning to secede from the Russian Federation and declare their independence. But I digress.

Points 11 and 12: At last, some benefits for Ukraine: eligibility for EU membership, and a global package of provisions for the rebuilding of the country, which includes US cooperation and a “special financing package” to be developed by the World Bank.

Point 13: Uh-oh! Here’s where Putin really begins to collect his rewards for having waged an illegal war of attrition against a sovereign nation and committed countless crimes against humanity for four years. This provision states that “Russia will be reintegrated into the global economy [and] invited to rejoin the G8.”

It also — and the fine hand of Donald Trump is in plain view here — says that the US “will enter into a long-term economic agreement [with Russia] for mutual development in the areas of energy, natural resources, infrastructure, artificial intelligence, data centres, rare earth metal extraction projects in the Arctic, and other mutually beneficial corporate opportunities.”

Ah, the intoxicating smell of money!

Point 14: I’m wondering whether this point envisions construction of a Trump Tower in Donetsk or Luhansk (just kidding). Seriously, though, it does provide for $100 billion of the currently frozen Russian assets to be invested in “US-led efforts to rebuild and invest in Ukraine,” with Europe to add another $100 billion to reconstruction.

That would certainly be an excellent use of those frozen Russian assets, and a reliable means of ensuring that Russia is forced to make reparations. But then it goes on to say that the US “will receive 50% of the profits from this venture.” Excuse me? What profits? They’re supposed to be rebuilding a demolished country, not planning another gold-plated Trump resort. Clearly, these guys did not utilize the Marshall Plan as a model for their proposal.

*. *. *

This article is turning into another War and Peace, so I’ll try to compact some of the next items:

Points 15-19 deal with security issues and non-proliferation, and the supervision of the Zaporizhzhya Nuclear Power Plant.

Point 20 is important in light of the ongoing forced “re-education” of Ukrainian children in the Russian-occupied territories. It would provide for both countries to “implement educational programmes in schools and society aimed at promoting understanding and tolerance of different cultures and eliminating racism and prejudice,” and would further “guarantee the rights of Ukrainian and Russian media and education.”

Does that mean that all of the journalists and others who have been imprisoned for their criticism of the war or of the Putin regime in general would be pardoned and released? Or am I dreaming?

And amusingly, Point 20 also provides that “All Nazi ideology and activities must be rejected and prohibited.” This one is obviously another gift to Putin, who has consistently (and baselessly) claimed that one of the principal goals of his “special military operation” in Ukraine has been to rescue the Ukrainian people from their alleged Nazi-led government.

Point 21 promises to be a sticking point, as it concerns allocation of Ukrainian territories, effectively giving Putin everything he has been relentlessly demanding and Ukraine has been refusing to consider: all Russian-occupied regions of Crimea, Luhansk and Donetsk to be recognized as de facto Russian; freezing of the line of contact in Kherson and Zaporizhzhia regions, again amounting to de facto recognition as Russian territory; and withdrawal of Ukrainian forces from the part of Donetsk Oblast currently controlled by Ukraine so that the zone will then be deemed a neutral demilitarized buffer zone internationally recognized as territory belonging to Russia.

In other words, a classic land grab.

Points 22-23 are more-or-less boilerplate statements of future enforcement procedures and guarantees.

Point 24 involves the establishment of a humanitarian committee “to resolve outstanding issues,” including the all-important exchange of remaining prisoners and bodies; the return of all civilian detainees and hostages, including children (nearly 20,000 at last count); and a family reunification program.

This one, I love.

Point 25: Trump is trying to force on Zelensky something he would never accept for himself: a requirement that Ukraine hold new presidential elections within 100 days of the signing of a peace agreement.

While Ukraine has, under the provisions of its Constitution, postponed the previously-scheduled election while the country remained under martial law, it will be required to set new elections following the cessation of hostilities. However, allowing such a short window for demobilization, electoral reform, campaigning, and economic stabilization prior to any election “will result in a government lacking in a proper mandate, or suborned to a Russian influence campaign — which is exactly what Moscow wants.” [Nick Paton Walsh, CNN, November 21, 2025.]

Point 26 provides for full amnesty for all parties for their actions (i.e., war crimes) during the war. This clearly benefits Russia in view of the outstanding ICC criminal warrant against Putin and other Russians.

Point 27: Implementation of the agreement is to be monitored and guaranteed by a Peace Council headed by — drum roll, please — Donald Trump.

While not specified, presumably the Council would include representatives of a number of European countries as well.

And finally . . .

Point 28: Once an agreement has been reached and signed, a ceasefire will take immediate effect . . . “after both sides retreat to agreed points to begin implementation of the agreement.”

I would hope for a more specific provision on the time frame for reaching full agreement, in order to prevent Putin’s stalling the ceasefire in order to continue his attacks on Ukraine in the interim. Although, with the enormous trade opportunities and international rehabilitation being offered him, he might be more inclined to fast-track this one.

*. *. *

And there you have it, in somewhat abbreviated form: a rundown of the Trump administration’s proposal for ending Russia’s war against Ukraine. Questions have already been raised — in Ukraine, in Europe, and in the U.S. — as to the origin of what is being referred to as Putin’s “wish list” . . . whether it was actually the product of talks between U.S. and Russian officials. And Trump is once again calling Zelensky ungrateful for the effort.

But that is a subject for another day.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
11/23/25

Wonderful news this week! In a deal brokered by the U.S., Belarusian strongman Aleksandr Lukashenko — in a bid to improve relations with the West — has released 31 Ukrainian civilian political prisoners who had been held in Belarus under sentences ranging from two to eleven years.

Whatever Lukashenko’s reasons for this humane gesture, all hostage releases are cause for celebration. This is part of an ongoing negotiation between Trump and Lukashenko for the release of more — and hopefully all — of the estimated 1,400 political prisoners still being held in Belarus for strictly political reasons.

The names of the 31 returnees have not yet been provided, so I am unable to delete any of the names from our list at this time. But a huge welcome home to each and every one.

*. *. *

And on that note, here they are once again: the political prisoners of the Putin regime and those of his allied states — all those known to me, and the thousands I don’t know about:

Prisoners of War:

The 19,500 Kidnapped Ukrainian Children
The People of Ukraine

Immigrant Detainees in Russia:

Migrants from the Central Asian nations of Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan,
Tajikistan, Turkmenistan and Uzbekistan

Endangered Exiles:

Mikita Losik
Yulia Navalnaya
Countless Journalists and Other Dissidents

Political Prisoners:

In Azerbaijan:

The “Azerbaijan 7”:
— Farid Mehralizada
— Ulvi Hasanli
— Sevinj Abbasova (Vagifqiai)
— Mahammad Kekalov
— Hafiz Babali
— Nargiz Absalamova
— Elnara Gasimova

In Belarus:

Ales Bialiatski
Andrei Chapiuk
Marya Kalesnikava
Uladzimir Labkovich
Andrzej Poczobut
Marfa Rabkova
Valiantsin Stafanovic
Yuras Zyankovich

In Georgia:

Mzia Amaglobeli

In China:

Chenyue Mao (American)

In Russia:

David Barnes (American)
Gordon Black (American)
Antonina Favorskaya
Konstantin Gabov
Robert Gilman (American)
Stephen James Hubbard (American)
Sergey Karelin
Timur Kishukov
Vadim Kobzev
Darya Kozyreva
Artyom Kriger
Michael Travis Leake (American)
Aleksei Liptser
Grigory Melkonyants
Nika Novak
Leonid Pshenychnov(in Russian-occupied Crimea)
Nadezhda Rossinskaya (a.k.a. Nadin Geisler)
Sofiane Sehili (French)
Igor Sergunin
Dmitry Shatresov
Robert Shonov
Grigory Skvortsov
Eugene Spector (American)
Laurent Vinatier
Robert Romanov Woodland (American)

Stay strong . . . you are not forgotten.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
11/23/25

A few nights ago, I thought I was dying. Seriously.

Suddenly, around midnight, I began feeling weirdly ill. Totally exhausted, too tired even to undress and climb into a pair of pajamas, I fell into bed fully clothed, and spent the night wondering whether I’d wake up in the morning.

And when I did, I was almost disappointed. Since then, I’ve had intermittent nightmares about tornadoes, being pursued by people trying to kill me, and other disturbing bits and pieces that, mercifully, recede as soon as I am fully awake.

Let’s be brutally honest: I’m old now. Not “older,” not just a “senior” . . . but officially, undeniably, irreversibly old. The kind of old that renders you nearly invisible to younger people. And I have issues that make life somewhat difficult. Not nearly as bad as the problems of a lot of people, of course, and I know I should be grateful that I still have most of my mental faculties and a roof over my head and don’t live in a war zone.

But instead, I’ve been in a dark place of my own, and don’t know how to pull myself out of it. So I’ve tried reminiscing about the good times — the really memorable years of great jobs, children, travel, social activities, beautiful clothes and beautiful friends.

And while tiptoeing down Memory Lane, I came across this journal, of sorts, that I began creating at the crest of what was clearly the hardest period of my life: the time when my sister (and best friend) Merna became ill, lingered, and then finally lost the battle at age 84. I added to it over the following few years, always expecting that things would get better and at least a little more upbeat . . . but that never seemed to happen.

I don’t know why I’m sharing this with the world right now, other than perhaps trying to connect with others going through similar hard times, or simply to explain — to myself and to others — why I am as I am today.

And maybe also to show that survival is possible, no matter how bad it may seem from one day to the next. Because, after all is said and done, I am still here.

So, for what it’s worth, this is my story, from 2014 to 2021:

*. *. *

October 2017 

My sister is dying.

She just lies in her hospice room, lost in a morphine-induced sleep, waking only occasionally to cry for help when the pain returns or to ask for a sip of water.  The cancer is eating its way through her body, with agonizing slowness after suddenly overtaking her following four months of feeling fairly healthy.  When she heard the prognosis of three to six months, she focused on the maximum number six, and said she wanted only to live through the coming football season.  She’s not going to make it after all.

I sat in her room yesterday for an hour, watching her chest rise and fall slowly and with regularity except for an occasional pause.  With each pause, I held my breath until she drew her next one.  Her face was sunken, her mouth open like a sleeping passenger on an overnight flight.  She woke once and asked for water.  When I brought her cup to her, she looked right past me without recognition.  I asked if she knew me, and she shook her head, mumbled “No more morphine,” and closed her eyes again.  I told her the morphine was for the pain, and she responded, “I don’t have any pain.” I said, “That’s because of the morphine,” but she had already closed her eyes and fallen asleep again.

When she arrived at the hospice facility, the doctor said most patients in her situation usually lived three days to a week.  Unbeknownst to me, Merna must have been a fan of Dylan Thomas, who wrote:

“Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”

. . . because she refused to give up for a full two weeks.  The doctors and nurses were all confounded, and remarked on her stubbornness and strong will.

Chronology of a decline (2014-17)

My sister had always been amazingly healthy, other than the usual childhood illnesses (most of which no longer exist in the 21st Century).  In later life, she developed orthopedic conditions, and had had both knees replaced, with excellent result.  In late 2014, she underwent a shoulder replacement and was recovering nicely, when she got up one night to get a drink of water, passed out in the kitchen and cut her head open in two places.  When she came to and called for help, she was taken to the ER, where they stitched her wounds and performed routine tests.  One of those, an EKG, showed a severe arrhythmia for which they admitted her and inserted a pacemaker.  A few months later (spring of 2015), she received clearance from her cardiologist to have a much-needed hip replacement, which also went well.  In June, she began having severe abdominal pains, requiring another trip to the ER.  It was then that a scan revealed a mass in the lower intestine and nodules on the small intestine.  The mass was a benign bowel blockage that was removed by yet another surgical procedure.  But the nodes proved to be malignant; the diagnosis was primary peritoneal cancer.  When she stopped crying, she decided to fight it and undergo chemotherapy.

The chemo sessions started in early July 2015 and concluded on the day before Thanksgiving.  They succeeded in killing the cancer cells, but they also attacked her nervous system and left her with crippling and painful neuropathy in both feet and legs.  She moved into a rehab facility for a while, where they helped her to recover some use of her feet; she returned home feeling more optimistic than she had in quite a while.

For a year and a half, through 2016 and into 2017, she seemed to be cancer free.  Then in June of 2017, she went back to the ER with a complaint of breathing difficulty, and an x-ray revealed excess fluid around the right lung.  They withdrew fluid, tested it, and found a malignant pleural effusion.  The original cancer had metastasized.  The prognosis this time was devastating — most likely 3-6 months.  After crying a bit, she said no more chemo.  The first round had been so horrific, I could not blame her.

10/23/17

Now, four months later, she is losing the fight.  For more than 3 months, she did surprisingly well, having more good days than bad, and keeping her spirits up most of the time.  And one day she got sick — so sick that the home hospice people urged that she be taken to their facility for a day or two.  She finally agreed, but once she got there, her physical and mental conditions deteriorated so quickly, she was completely debilitated within a few days.  The doctor gave her a week at the outside.  We are now coming up on two weeks, and with no nourishment other than fluids and only medication for pain, nausea and anxiety, she continues to breathe on her own, albeit slowly and unevenly.

And, at the risk of sounding completely selfish, I remain in limbo, waiting and waiting for this torture to be over.  I can’t stand seeing her like this, just a shell of a human being, unconscious except when the pain wakes her.  And I feel guilty for feeling this way.  I thought I was stronger than this, but after nearly three years of ignoring my own disabilities to take care of her, I’m worn out.  So I sit here waiting for the phone call, dreading it and praying for it to come at the same time.

10/24/17

She’s gone.  At 11:18 am today, she stopped struggling against inevitability. When I saw her, she looked so peaceful.  And I stopped shaking.  It’s over.

1/12/18

But it’s not over.  It’s not just the formalities of handling her estate, readying her condo for sale, and all that.  It’s the 20 or more times a day that I reach for the phone to share something with her or to ask her opinion of something, or to let her know I’m going out and when I’ll be home.  It’s reliving, over and over again, those horrible last weeks of her decline.  And it’s the guilt I feel — justifiably or not — for not having been able to do more for her because of my own physical limitations.  I didn’t know how strongly this would affect me.  And I don’t like it, because I can’t control it.  It’s debilitating, and I have to find a way past it.  For the first time in my adult life, I admit that I need help.  I suppose that’s a first step.

4/12/18

At long last, we’re winding down.  The will has been filed and certified, and the condo has been sold, with closing scheduled for May 3rd.  All that’s left is to have the remaining furniture removed and clear the boxes of papers from the storage room.  If only I were stronger and could do more.  Thank goodness for T____ and B____ throughout the entire process!  So very soon I should be able to turn my attention back to my own backlog of chores and projects.

6/13/18

After another frantic month of clearing out, painting, locating her storage unit to remove three boxes of papers, exchanging documents for signature, and one brief postponement, we finally closed on Merna’s condo on May 7th.  There are still boxes in my car, but now that most of the things in my apartment have been cleared out or organized — thanks to my daughter’s Herculean efforts during her 3-day visit — I can once again function and face my own challenges.  I finally had my car inspected so that I can drive it again — to doctors’ appointments, lunches and dinners with friends, to the Salvation Army.  The sense of relief is huge.

R____ also wore her social worker / therapist hat while she was here, and gave some advice that, when considered as a general application, would have been excellent.  But knowing myself as I do — and as she cannot possibly know me — I can see the practical limitations.  For example, I am unable to open up completely to anyone, friend or stranger.  But I can talk to myself as though to someone else, and find it enlightening and therapeutic.  I do not feel ready for therapy, as I feel the healing process has already begun.  She was, however, correct in advising that I need to overcome the loneliness by seeking new activities and new friends.  I have become too insulated at home, too comfortable.  I need to make the effort to get out, to find something worthwhile to do with my time, perhaps to forge new relationships.  It’s exactly what I told my own mother when she retired.  I will not be like her.  I will listen to my daughter, and I will do this.

9/8/2020

Two years since my last entry, and much has changed, not only in my life, but in the world as a whole. The media and the history books are overflowing with the news of the Covid-19 pandemic, the turbulent political scene in the United States and elsewhere, global warming, and the increase in violence and hatred throughout the world. So I need not add to that wealth of information. This narrative is about me, and my life without Merna, so let’s pick it up in 2018.

I never followed through on my resolutions to change my life for the better. My physical condition continued to decline, making it more and more difficult to get out of the apartment for even the simplest errands — going to the doctor or dentist, getting my hair done, even taking the trash out or picking up my mail. Just getting dressed was a major effort. Going downtown for dinner with friends became impossible. I began having my groceries delivered, and as I became weaker and less mobile, seemingly by the day, it required too much strength to prepare meals, and I relied more and more on Grubhub and DoorDash.

And I developed a great relationship with Amazon, on whom I could always rely for paper products, cleaning materials, books and music, and all manner of things. And because of my immobility, I couldn’t break down the empty boxes or take them to the trash room, so they piled up all over the apartment. There was, of course, my ongoing romance with the QVC shopping channel, where I could partake of lots of retail therapy, buying clothes and jewelry and electronics, most of which remained in their packaging because I had no real use for them. I lived mostly in pajamas and bathrobes in order to avoid the agony of changing clothes twice a day.

Then came the confluence of circumstances that I can only describe as a perfect storm (to borrow a familiar phrase). First came my daughter’s worsening illness and back condition, rendering her unable to do any manual labor or to travel to see me or to be of any help if she did get there. Then came her inability to work and her dependence on money from me. And then there were the mice . . .

It started in the basement of my apartment building, and although exterminators were hired, those little rodents began multiplying like . . . well, like rodents. The first one who made it into my apartment was a cute little white mouse who was more afraid of me than I was of him. I left no garbage around, no opened food containers, no take-out leftovers. But those “cute” little demons can chew right through paper and plastic containers, and all those empty Amazon boxes . . . Well, who knew? And who knew how much poop a little mouse could produce?

Finally, along came Covid-19. Being in a high-risk category, I was more isolated than ever, and could not even find a housekeeping service to work for me. So I resorted to utilizing County services, and even those were limited because of the pandemic. They were better than nothing, but not much.

Weighed in the balance were my need for help and my appreciation of privacy and my wish to remain “independent.” At some point, my son’s suggestions that I move down to Georgia to live with him and his family became stronger and more frequent, and made more sense. And my calculations showed that my money wasn’t going to last much longer if I stayed where I was. And so, finally, I started planning for the inevitable downsizing and southward migration. I had always planned to retire somewhere in my beloved New England, but sadly, it just didn’t work out that way. 

Now, after spending the last of my funds to pay D____ and J____ for their invaluable help in cleaning out the apartment, charging the movers’ and other expenses to a credit card, and giving away thousands of dollars worth of furnishings, accessories and clothing (because of the quarantine, staging a sale was impossible), here I am in rural Georgia, about 45 minutes from Savannah — an 81-year-old woman dependent on her son and his family, living on Social Security, and hardly the picture of the active, colorful family matriarch of my plans. I am very comfortable and well cared for by my family, but clearly, I am no Dowager Countess of Grantham.

10/24/2021

COVID-19 is still with us — almost two years now.

Four years since Merna left, and a candle burns on the mantle for her. Four years with no one to talk to about the little stuff, the day’s news, the reminiscences. No one who shares any of my interests. It’s no one’s fault, but it’s so hard — I still reach for the phone to call her when there’s anything interesting in the news, or when I hear from R____ or B____, or to read this year’s birthday poem for D____ to someone who will honestly appreciate it.

And so ends another day. I did do a little writing, which, along with my voracious reading, has been my salvation and the only meaningful part of my life. That, and my coffee Haagen-Dazs.

3/17/23 . . .

*. *. *

And that is where it ends. As you can see, I never did pick it up again. Perhaps I’ll follow up another time with the last four years. Or maybe I’ll snap out of it and rediscover my senses of humor and wonder.

Who knows?

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
11/23/25

I consider Harry Truman to have been one of America’s greatest presidents.

A quiet, humble man, he inherited the office — and the task of bringing World War II to an end — when Franklin Roosevelt died of a cerebral hemorrhage. He was a man of courage and an unflinching sense of responsibility, whose motto — displayed in a sign on his desk — was “The Buck Stops Here.”

And he was that rarest of humans — an honest man — who once said:

“Show me a man that gets rich by being a politician,
and I’ll show you a crook.”

Perhaps it’s best that he’s not alive today . . . although if he were, maybe we wouldn’t be in such a God-awful mess.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
11/22/25

Imagine, if you will, a massive power failure occurring just as you’re about to put the Thanksgiving turkey into the oven, with a blizzard raging outside and twelve people on their way to your house for dinner.

Then multiply that 1,000-fold, and imagine how Volodymyr Zelensky must feel today, with the existence of an entire nation resting on his shoulders; Russian attacks on civilian population and infrastructure increasing incrementally; a corruption scandal involving a number of his top government leaders and close associates bubbling over; and — to top it all off — having just been told that four years of living in the hell of war while fighting for his country’s survival have been for nought.

And that, thanks to the back-room machinations of Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump, is precisely what has happened. The peace proposal that the Trump administration has handed to Zelensky, details of which were not available earlier in the day, has now been revealed to carry with it an ultimatum: accept it, or lose U.S. support. And we’d like that done by Thursday, please.

Those with knowledge of the details of the 28-point proposal have said that it basically represents capitulation to Putin’s demands that Russia retain all occupied and disputed territory in the Donbas region, that Ukraine drastically reduce its military capabilities, and that it permanently forego any possibility of membership in NATO.

In a single word: Surrender.

All of this has been engineered without input from Europe’s Coalition of the Willing, who have been unflinchingly supportive of Ukraine while attempting to find a path to peace.

A cheerful Vladimir Putin said the plan could “form the basis of a final peace settlement,” though claiming that it had not been “substantively” discussed with his side. He offered that he is ready to “resolve the issues by peaceful means” . . . and in the next breath threatened that if Ukraine rejects the proposal, Russia will continue to push forward “through military means, through armed struggle.” [Yuliya Talmazan, Monica Alba, Peter Alexander, Courtney Kube and Gordon Lubold, NBC News, November 21, 2025.]

In response, Zelensky addressed the Ukrainian people in a ten-minute video, saying:

“This is one of the most difficult moments in our history. Currently, the pressure on Ukraine is one of the hardest. Ukraine may now face a very difficult choice, either losing its dignity or the risk of losing a key partner, either the difficult 28 points, or a very difficult winter.” [Id.]

Under the circumstances, “difficult” seems like a gigantic understatement.

*. *. *

Does anyone truly believe that all of these events occurring in rapid succession — the corruption scandal, the increased bombardments, and Trump’s sudden push to end it on Putin’s terms — are coincidental?

Seriously?

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
11/21/25

With so much of the news these days being focused on Russia’s ongoing war against Ukraine, people who never before considered it necessary to study Russia‘s history, its culture, or the psyche of its people have recently found themselves trying to better understand the reasons behind Vladimir Putin’s obsessive drive to reabsorb Ukraine as part of Russia’s rightful territory. And so we turn to the experts.

One such authority is award-winning author, journalist (of the Edward R. Murrow generation), former Harvard professor, and Russia scholar Marvin Kalb. Now 95 years of age, he still hosts The Kalb Report, a monthly discussion of media ethics and responsibility at the National Press Club in Washington, D.C., sponsored by George Washington University.

In his 2015 book, Imperial Gamble: Putin, Ukraine, and the New Cold War, he discusses the historical and geopolitical significance of Ukraine to the imperial ambitions of Vladimir Putin, arguing that Putin feels a personal responsibility to rebuild Russia as a Tsarist empire, to which Ukraine is indispensable.

And in that same year, in a discussion on PBS News, Kalb said:

“Russia can never be an empire
unless it is in control of Ukraine.”

He went on to say that Putin regards Eastern Europe as Russia’s back yard, and is willing to fight for whatever he decides is in Russia’s national interest. Russia had already (in 2014) annexed the southern Ukrainian region of Crimea, and had its sights set on parts of eastern Ukraine — the very portion it now occupies. Kalb said that the best outcome for Ukraine at that time would be to come to some sort of understanding with Russia, and not count on the West to come to its rescue.

When asked what we might expect from Putin next if such an accord did not take place — and remember, this was ten years ago, and more than six years before the onset of the 2022 invasion — Kalb replied:

“Whatever would satisfy the immediate
national interest of Russia.”

Which is precisely what we are seeing today.

The lesson: Don’t rely on the know-nothings— the Trumps, the Witkoffs, and the others who never did and never will understand the history or the soul of the Russian people. Look to the real experts, who have the accumulated knowledge and expertise that only comes with a lifetime of study and on-the-ground experience.

And mark their words.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
11/21/25