Well, hold onto your hats, folks, because there’s more good news on the health and nutrition front: Diet Coke kills cancer cells.

Or at least in Trumpmania, it does. And how does he know? Because it kills grass.

But somehow, miraculously, it doesn’t seem to harm your esophagus, your stomach, or any of those other internal organs that might be harboring the cancer cells.

What an incredible discovery! It’s right up there with his findings on COVID a few years ago. Surely, this will win him — if not the Peace Prize — at least the Nobel Prize for Medicine.

And by the way, Dr. Donald J. (for Jesus) Trump also tells us that Orange Fanta is good for us because it’s fresh-squeezed. He really should direct the manufacturer (Coca-Cola Deutschland) to print that on the cans from now on, because . . .

If you’re having a hard time absorbing all of this good news, just ask Dr. Oz. Because he was the first to hear it from the horse’s mouth (or the horse’s ass . . . in this case, the same thing).

Actually, it was related to Dr. Oz by Donald Trump, Jr., on a podcast this week, when he inexplicably decided it was a good idea to publicly ridicule his father. But one horse’s backside is pretty much like every other horse’s backside, so there’s really no reason to doubt him, is there?

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
4/16/26