You just gotta love Dmitry Peskov. Because even Old Stoneface (as I have privately nicknamed him) couldn’t resist a little smile when he said on Monday that the only way to protect Russian territory from Ukrainian attacks was to create a buffer zone that would put Russian regions beyond the range of Ukrainian fire. [Reuters, March 18, 2024.]

Now, admittedly this was probably not his original idea. He was following up on a statement by his boss, Vladimir Putin, who had raised the possibility during a victory speech following his miraculous 87% win in last weekend’s presidential election. Peskov is, after all, the Kremlin’s spokesman . . . and that’s what a spokesman does. What Peskov actually told reporters was:

“Against the backdrop of [Ukrainian] drone attacks and the shelling of our territory: public facilities, residential buildings, measures must be taken to secure these territories.

”They can only be secured by creating some kind of buffer zone so that any means that the enemy uses to strike us are out of range.” [Id.]

Reading that, I have to admit that I feel the way Donald Trump must have felt when asked whether he thought Vladimir Putin was responsible for the death of Alexei Navalny:

“Well . . . I don’t know . . .”

Seriously, I just don’t know what to say about this buffer zone issue. (Never mind the Trump thing — I won’t even dignify that one with a comment.) So many questions come racing through my mind . . . but not a single plausible answer.

First, let’s look at Russia (that enormous green blob occupying most of the upper half of the of the map). It has an area of just over 6.6 million square miles, and stretches across 11 time zones from its European side, west of the Ural Mountains, all the way across Asia to the Pacific Ocean.

Now look at Ukraine. Do you see it there? If you enlarge the picture, you’ll see that it’s between Russia’s western border and Poland. It covers just over 233,000 square miles, and has one itty-bitty time zone.

So what are those questions I mentioned? Well, first . . . What the hell is Russia afraid of??!!!! In terms of sheer size alone, do they really expect Ukrainian forces to invade and overrun the vast expanse of Russia? No, probably not. But with missiles, aircraft and drones furnished by the West over the past two years, some incursions have been made across the border and into Russian territory — the western side, closest to Ukraine, and allegedly into Moscow itself.

But . . . and here is my next question . . . After two years of ceaseless, merciless bombings, missile attacks, and on-the-ground invasions into Ukraine by Russian forces, what did they expect? A welcoming committee?

Well, actually, they did, at one time. You may recall that when Putin began his “Special Military Operation,” he anticipated that within a matter of days, the Ukrainian people would open their arms and their hearts to the Russian “liberators” who had come to rescue them from their oppressive “Nazi” leaders.

And when things didn’t go according to plan, the Russians just dug in their heels and continued trying to blast their way across Ukraine. But when a few drones found their way in the opposite direction, reaching the Russian city of Belgorod and a few other areas, they seemed surprised . . . and panic ensued. So now they need a “buffer zone.” Which leads me to the next umpteen questions:

In talking about protecting Russia’s “territory,” are they including the portions of Ukraine — Donetsk, Luhansk, Zaporizhzhia, Kherson, and Crimea — presently occupied by Russian forces and claimed by Putin as Russian land? How big does this buffer zone have to be in order to render Ukraine’s weaponry incapable of reaching Russian territory? And where does Putin propose to locate this piece of paradise . . . this new DMZ? Also, wouldn’t some sort of agreement between Russia and Ukraine be required? And who would negotiate and enforce such an agreement?

And one more: Once established, who’s going to be in charge of monitoring the sanctity of the DMZ, keeping out both the Russians and the Ukrainians?

And here’s one for the military experts: If Ukraine’s armaments are unable to reach across the buffer zone . . . well, won’t that also be true for Russia’s armaments?

And finally: When this “Special Military Operation” ends — as all things must, eventually — what happens to the DMZ? Does it revert to the original owner, or is it one of the spoils to be claimed by the victor?

If there actually is a victor.

*. *. *

As I said, I surely don’t have the answers. And therefore, Mr. Peskov, may I respectfully suggest that you take these questions back to your boss and shove. . . . oh, sorry . . . ask him if he’s thought this thing through. Because if he has, the rest of the world would be most interested in knowing what he has in mind.

Buffer zone, indeed.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
3/21/24