If you are not aware that Queen Elizabeth II passed away about a year and a half ago, then you’ve probably been doing the Rip Van Winkle thing, and I’m sorry to have to be the one to break the sad news to you. But she really did leave this world in September of 2022, and her son — after waiting in the wings for some 70 years as Prince Charles, heir to the throne — has been ruling the United Kingdom since then as King Charles III.

However, the late Queen — if she were still with us — would no doubt be flattered and delighted to know that former President Donald Trump has taken it upon himself to defend her and her good name in the only way he knows how: by dissing — and one might even say threatening — her younger grandson, Harry, and his wife, Meghan.

Now, if you’re that same sleepy-headed individual who wasn’t aware that the Queen was dead, you may also be oblivious to the fact that the Sussexes — as the aforesaid Harry and Meghan are known — made the decision some time ago to leave their royal duties behind, move to the United States, and live like normal people . . . well, normal rich people, anyway. They seem to be happy here, and there’s no question that they’ve done well for themselves financially, building on the already substantial bankroll and the advantageous name recognition they brought with them to the Colonies.

Needless to say, the rest of the royal family — and most notably Queen Elizabeth herself, who was still very much alive at the time — were less than thrilled by this unexpected turn of events, not least because of the unflattering things her grandson and granddaughter-in-law had to say about some of the daily trials and tribulations of life in that rarefied royal environment. And honestly, I’d have been pissed too, in her place. While wanting to live their own lives is understandable, would it have hurt them to keep their personal grievances to themselves? Did they have to air the family’s dirty laundry at every opportunity? Really?

Well, if you consider that keeping mum doesn’t bring in book deals or TV appearances, I guess we know the answer to that. Because that’s what it’s all about: Harry’s book, and the notorious Oprah interview. In short, when they went public, they screwed the pooch . . . big time.

You see, Harry put it all out there, including (or so I understand, because I haven’t read the book and don’t intend to) his past history of youthful indiscretions involving sex, drugs, and whatever. Not unusual experiences for a young man with lots of charisma, money, and a wide range of contacts. But again, did he have to advertise it to the world?

Obviously, he thought he did. And whether we approve or not, and regardless of what we think of Harry and Meghan and their lifestyles, the choices they have made were theirs to make. They’re adults; they’re entitled to live their lives without our input or judgment . . . right?

Wrong! Because they are public figures, who have chosen to remain in the public eye while also claiming to have escaped all of that four years ago when they fled the U.K. They knew perfectly well what they were doing, and they have orchestrated it spectacularly.

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But here is where it gets interesting. Because, in being so open about his boyhood peccadilloes, Harry may have inadvertently contradicted himself on one very crucial point. On his application for a U.S. visa, one of the questions he had to answer was whether he had ever used illegal drugs. Did he answer honestly? That hasn’t been revealed yet, but he is surely hoping he did . . . since, in his book, he apparently goes into some detail on that score. And if it turns out he lied on his visa application . . .

So there’s a whole legal can of worms here, and it’s just fortunate that he has the money to pay those exorbitant attorneys’ fees, as this could become very expensive . . . and inconvenient, if the Sussexes ultimately have to move again.

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And now . . . enter Donald Trump, stage right (far-right), with a group of his Merry Men from the conservative Heritage Foundation to save the United States from the evils of this dangerous young couple.

“What the hell do Donald Trump and the Heritage Foundation have to do with Harry and Meghan’s immigration status?” . . . I hear you thinking. Excellent question.

It’s unclear who first became interested in the issue — Trump or the Heritage folks — but it seems likely that one inspired the other to join in the fray. Heritage has gone so far as to bring a lawsuit against the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) attempting to seize Harry’s immigration records! What standing they claim to have in the matter is beyond me, but that’s for the courts to decide.

In the meantime, never one to pass up an opportunity to run his mouth and hopefully ruin someone’s life, Trump declared that, if he were to win the 2024 election, “I wouldn’t protect him. He betrayed the queen. That’s unforgivable. He would be on his own if it was down to me.”

He never did specify what alleged offense against the Queen had particularly incurred his wrath, but it hardly matters. After all, if anyone would know what constitutes betrayal, it would be Donald Trump.

And he didn’t spare Meghan Markle, either. As far back as last September, in an interview on the Hugh Hewitt Show, the always-respectful Trump described her as “disrespectful,” and said, “I didn’t like the way she dealt with the queen. They treated her with great disrespect and I didn’t like it.”

It’s clear that he’s had it in for Meghan at least since the 2016 presidential campaign, when she described him as “divisive” and “misogynistic.” In his usual eloquent manner, he responded as follows: “I wasn’t referring to, she’s nasty. I said she was nasty about me. And essentially I didn’t know she was nasty about me. She was nasty to me. And that’s OK for her to be nasty. It’s not good for me to be nasty to her and I wasn’t.”

I’ll see your six “nasties” and raise you one “divisive.”

Okay, that’s enough. Let’s not be nasty.

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I’m so glad to know that someone — even if it is, oddly, Donald Trump — still has the late Queen’s interests at heart, and is protecting her dignity . . . though I did think that would have been better left to her actual family. And personally, I would much prefer that Trump relegate the soap opera stuff to Oprah, and run a campaign based on actual issues of importance to the country and the world at large. Like what? Oh, I don’t know . . . maybe actual details of how he would try to solve the Russia-Ukraine crisis, the Israel-Hamas crisis, the energy crisis, the environmental crisis, the climate crisis, the population crisis, the immigration crisis, the mass-shooting crisis, the inflation crisis, the mental illness crisis, and perhaps even the why-isn’t-there-anything-decent-to-watch-on-TV crisis. That should keep him busy enough to keep his nose out of other people’s personal business.

But then it wouldn’t be all about him, would it?

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
2/27/24