We’ve all heard stories about someone’s electric meter going berserk and generating a bill for tens of thousands of dollars of usage for a single month. And then trying to deal with the power company’s computerized system to fix the problem.
It’s the best argument I can think of against setting up automatic payments from your bank account. Because even though it’s so obviously a system error, it can be totally frustrating, and even frightening, when you are hit in the gut by the Cyberbully!!!
Well, then — if you think that was hideous — just imagine being in London and being told by your weather app that you’re in the path of a monster hurricane about to bring winds of 13,508 miles per hour.
Or in Sydney, Australia, where the temperature is about to demolish all previous records — not to mention incinerating everything and everyone in sight — by topping off at 378 degrees Celsius (that’s 712 degrees Fahrenheit, for all my fellow Americans).
Say goodbye, everyone.
Sound like something from the latest horror movie? Or are you one of those people who believe everything you see online, and would you assume it really was the Apocalypse coming to carry you and everyone else away?
Actually, it happened this morning on BBC News, and it was that bane of 21st-Century existence: a computer glitch. All over the world, people were being told their weather had gone nuts, leaving them to assume they were either going to be fried, or blown to the Land of Oz. What a pleasant wake-up call.
It didn’t take long for the BBC to pinpoint the problem, which was apparently “a data issue with a third-party supplier.” At about 1:30 p.m. London time, they were apologizing and “working hard to fix the problem.” [Andre Rhoden-Paul, BBC News, October 10, 2024.]
Well now, there’s a classic piece of British understatement. I imagine they were actually falling all over themselves to get it fixed. But I’ve always loved the ingrained stoicism of our U.K. friends.
Carry on, ladies and gents. You’ve dealt with much worse. Remember the Blitz?
I haven’t been in London in more than 30 years, and when I was there, the streets were anything but mean. Aside from its historic beauty, my initial impression of London — in fact, of the U.K. in general — was that it was so “civilized.” My friends and I had no hesitation in visiting any neighborhood, or staying out late at night and walking back to our hotel. Aside from the “normal” amount of crime to be found in any major city in the world, London felt safe to me.
A Street in London’s Mayfair District
The world has changed since then, as we all know too well. Terrorism — of both the international and domestic varieties — is on everyone’s mind, all of the time. Islamist threats abound. But there is now another, equally prevalent danger being experienced, according to Ken McCallum, head of Britain’s MI5 . . . and that comes with the compliments of none other than Vladimir Putin and Russia’s military intelligence organization: the GRU, or Main Intelligence Directorate.
Just One of the GRU’s Numerous Agendas
Since Russia’s invasion of Ukraine in February of 2022, more than 750 Russian diplomats have been expelled from Europe, “the great majority of them” spies, McCallum said. This obviously has affected Russia’s ability to conduct — let’s call it what it is — their spying activities. They have tried using proxies, such as criminals and private operatives; but they lacked the same level of professionalism, and were more easily detected. [Frank Gardner and Suzanne Leigh, BBC News, October 8, 2024.]
So now the Kremlin has resorted, in Mr. McCallum’s words, to generating “sustained mayhem on British and European streets,” including GRU-generated “arson, sabotage and more dangerous actions conducted with increasing recklessness”[Id.]
This, combined with other threats such as the 20 interrupted plots backed by Iran since 2022, has meant that MI5 has “one hell of a job on its hands,” McCallum said.
At a briefing at MI5’s counter-terrorism operations center in London, McCallum said that the first 20 years of his career there were “crammed full of terrorist threats. We now face those alongside state-backed assassination and sabotage plots, against the backdrop of a major European land war.” [Id.]
He added that, because of the UK’s leading role in supporting Ukraine, “we loom large in the fevered imagination of Putin’s regime,” and that further acts of aggression on UK soil are to be expected. [Id.]
MI5 Director Ken McCallum
*. *. *
The world certainly has changed in the past 30 years, and — for the most part — not for the better, at least not in a geopolitical sense. I will always be grateful that I was able to see as much of it as I did, when I did.
Because I sure as hell wouldn’t be doing any of the same things today.
It might have been opening night of a fantastic Broadway show. Or the Prince and Princess of Wales’ motorcade driving by. Or an especially showy display of the Aurora Borealis. You know — something you’re kicking yourself for having missed because it would have been so memorable.
Well, today I’m regretting not having been on that Qantas flight from Sydney to Tokyo last week . . . the one that experienced a technical issue with the inflight entertainment system.
No, it wasn’t that the passengers couldn’t watch any movie at all. On the contrary, they couldn’t turn the damned thing off. And somehow, what was showing was the wrong movie — a particularly spicy R-rated one, reportedly titled “Daddio.” A 2023 film starring Dakota Johnson and Sean Penn, it had earned its rating “for language throughout, sexual material and brief graphic nudity.” [Karla Cripps, CNN, October 8, 2024.]
Now, I have no problem with any of that as long as there’s also an interesting story line. But some people might; and those people — the ones on this particular Qantas flight — apparently made it clear that they would have appreciated the ability to turn the $^%#@&*^# thing off.
And that wasn’t even the biggest problem. There were children on the flight. Which led me to fantasize about being on that plane, perhaps with my daughter when she was six or eight years old and just smart enough to ask all the wrong questions at all the right times (or vice-versa). And I believe it would have played out very much like an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond, with the part of Raymond’s meddling mother, Marie, being represented here by the Nosy Older Butt-insky (hereinafter, the NOB) in the seat on the other side of my daughter.
Something like this:
Me (Trying to distract daughter): “Let’s not watch a movie now. Let’s play one of the games we brought.”
Daughter: “Why? I thought you wanted to watch a movie.”
M: “Well, I did, but I don’t like the one they’re showing, and you wouldn’t either.”
D: “How come? What’s it about?”
M: “Oh, just about a lady talking to a taxi driver.”
D: “That sounds boring. What do they talk about?”
M: “I really don’t know. But you’re right, it does sound boring. So what game . . .”
D: “But if you don’t know what they’re talking about, how do you know it’s boring?”
M: “Well, um . . .”
NOB (Butting in): “It’s a nasty movie, sweetheart.”
D (Turning toward NOB): “Nasty? How do you know? Did you see it before?”
M: (Shooting evil glance at NOB) “She means she heard about it, and the two people get angry with each other.”
NOB: “No, that’s not what I meant at all. I meant they talk about nasty things, like s-e-x.”
D: “I can spell, you know. I’m eight. That spells ‘sex’ . . . but I don’t know what it means.”
Oh, no! Not “The Talk”!
M: “Well, you’re not old enough for this movie.”
D: “But yesterday you told me I was getting very grownup. Didn’t you mean it?”
NOB: “Of course, she did, dear. But your mother is right. S-e-x talk is nasty.”
D: “Why? What’s nasty about sex? And why do you keep spelling it?”
M (To NOB): “Excuse me, but how is this any of your business?”
NOB: “I’m only trying to help, dear.”
M: “Yeah, right. Just let me deal with my own daughter, please.”
NOB: “Well, I never!”
M: “Yeah, that’s probably part of your problem! And sex is not nasty!”
D: “Mommy, you’re shouting at the nice lady.”
M: “Well, she’s not that nice. So let’s ignore her, throw this sweater over the TV screen, and you plug in your earphones and listen to the music on your iPod. Okay?”
D: “But you said too much of that would ruin my hearing.”
M: “And right now, that would probably be a good thing. So just do it!”
M (Ringing call bell): “Miss, are there two other available seats? Any two?”
D (Being re-seated): “So why did she say sex was nasty, Mommy? Mommy? Mommy?!!”
M: “Oh, look — they’ve fixed the movie. We can watch now.”
D: “But this is a little kids’ movie. I’d rather watch the one about s-e-x.”
M (Ringing call bell again): “Miss, could I have a refill on the wine, please? And keep it coming, if you wouldn’t mind.”
*. *. *
I miss traveling; I really do. I miss seeing exotic places, meeting new people, trying different cuisines, learning bits and pieces of other languages.
But boy, I do not miss the hassle of getting there!
Remember the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic in 2020? Of course, you do — that was a time not easily forgotten. And do you remember the shortage in the U.S. (and elsewhere) of test kits, when the manufacturers couldn’t keep up with the demand?
And I’m reasonably certain you also remember Donald Trump pooh-poohing the entire spread of the virus — the one that took some 350,000 lives in the United States that year alone — as no big deal, easily cured by injecting your body with a few doses of antiseptic.
Well, let’s give the old boy the benefit of the doubt, and assume he was simply trying — in his own, inimitable, really stupid way — to prevent a nationwide panic. (And in the process kill off a few more people who might have bought into that antiseptic thing.)
Or maybe . . . unbelievably . . . he really believed his own hype, and had convinced himself that there was nothing to worry about.
Then why . . . in either of those cases . . . why in the name of all that’s holy did he send those scarce COVID test kits to — of all the people in the world — Vladimir Putin??!!!
BFFs: Two of a Kind
Or so says Bob Woodward in his forthcoming book, War, as first reported on Tuesday by both CNN and The Washington Post — and now by practically everyone.
Bob Woodward
Putin’s germaphobia is no secret; and during the height of the COVID pandemic, pictures of him seated alone at one end of an impossibly long table — as far away from other humans as possible while still in the same room — filled the news media. So it stands to reason that he would be thrilled to receive whatever supplies — diagnostic, preventive, curative — he could get his grubby little hands on. But he didn’t ask for them. Not from Trump, at any rate.
No, these were a gift from Donnie to his good friend Vlad for the latter’s personal use, unsolicited but accepted with appreciation. And it was Putin’s choice to keep it secret, so that the American people wouldn’t be angry with Trump. Or so the story goes.
*. *. *
And now we have the classic “he said / he said” situation. Because Trump, as expected, denies that it ever happened.
“That’s false,” he said about Woodward’s report. “He’s a storyteller. A bad one. And he’s lost his marbles.” [Jonathan Karl, Kelsey Walsh, Soo Rin Kim and Lalee Ibssa, ABC News, October 8, 2024.]
But you see, the thing is . . . the Kremlin has confirmed that Trump did indeed send Putin COVID-19 testing equipment during the height of the pandemic. [Ivana Saric, Axios, October 9, 2024.]
And — oh, goody! he’s back! — Kremlin spokesman Dmitry Peskov, in a written statement to Bloomberg, said that “we also sent equipment at the beginning of the pandemic.” [Id.]
Now add to this the further allegation in Woodward’s book that Trump has had “as many as seven” telephone calls with Putin since leaving office. Holy crap! He thinks he’s still president!
That particular detail is denied by both Trump and Peskov, who — according to the Russian state news agency TASS — said simply that it’s “not true.” [Id.]
Kremlin Spokesman Dmitry Peskov
Of course — and I’m sorry to have to say this, Dima — you know we can’t always take 100% of what you say as gospel. I mean, look at who you work for.
“None of these made-up stories by Bob Woodward are true and are the work of a truly demented and deranged man who suffers from a debilitating case of Trump Derangement Syndrome.” [Id.]
Wow! So The Donald now has an actual disease named after him. And it describes him perfectly. Cool.
*. *. *
Now enter President Biden and Vice President Harris. During a speech in Pennsylvania on Tuesday, Biden — in addressing this specific question — asked, “What the hell’s wrong with this guy? Did you ever … see … a president who’s been so unethical as this president has been?” [Id.]
President Joe Biden
Vice-President (and presidential candidate) Kamala Harris also had a few words to offer during an appearance on Stephen Colbert’s The Late Show on Tuesday:
“I ask everyone here and everyone who is watching: Do you remember what those days were like? You remember how many people did not have tests and were trying to scramble to get them? . . . And this man is giving COVID test kits to Vladimir Putin? Think about what this means on top of him sending love letters to Kim Jong Un. . . . He thinks, well, that’s his friend. What about the American people? They should be your first friend.” [Id.]
And speaking about Trump generally, and his open admiration for dictators and authoritarians, she said, “He gets played by these guys. He admires so-called strongmen, and he gets played because they flatter him or offer him favor.” [Id.]
Vice President Harris, with Stephen Colbert
*. *. *
So — after all of the mishegas — what it boils down to is this: Whom do you believe? Noted, respected, award-winning, Watergate-breaking journalist Bob Woodward? Or lying, cheating, delusional, Putin-admiring, convicted felon Donald Trump?
And this year’s winner — for the second year in a row — is . . .
Mama bear 128 Grazer!
128 Grazer – Victory Is Sweet!
And, as in last year’s epic competition, she once more beat her principal male rival, 32 Chunk, in a final round face-off.
Score one for the big girls!
Sadly for Chunk, it wasn’t even a close match this year: his 30,468 votes came nowhere near Grazer’s 71,248. The final tally of the online voting site was 1,041,124 in this tenth year of the popular Alaska-based contest.
And in second place: 32 Chunk
Sorry, big fella.
The contest, held by Katmai National Park & Preserve, promotes public awareness of the Alaska brown bears. It has become a popular fall ritual, not only in the U.S., but in many places around the world as well. [Forrest Brown, CNN, October 8, 2024.]
Life in the wilderness is not always easy for these big beauties, and it’s nice to see them receiving a little recognition before they go off to hibernate for the coming winter.
Summer, of course, has to be their favorite time of year, when they feast on all the salmon they can catch. Here, for example, is 2019’s winner, 435 Holly, before and after gaining her hibernation weight. That gal can certainly pack in the calories.
2019 Winner 435 Holly – Before and After Her Summer Feast
Looking at both of the girls, Grazer and Holly, and comparing their weight gains with Chunk’s, one thing is painfully obvious to me: We women just have more trouble maintaining our youthful figures than the guys do. Maybe it has to do with all the litters we produce.
It’s actually yesterday, October 8th, that is the subject of today’s meandering through years past. And we begin our constitutional with the legends and truths of a tragic event that has somehow caught people’s imaginations for 153 years:
1871 – The Great Chicago Fire. Let’s start by blowing a big hole in the commonly-held belief that poor Mrs. O’Leary’s cow kicked over a lantern, thus starting the whole thing. There have been other theories over the years, one of which is that a comet may have fallen to earth at that precise spot and landed in the hay. Or it may simply — and more likely — have been human clumsiness. For some reason . . . and on what evidence, I have no idea . . . the Chicago City Council decided in 1997 to exonerate Mrs. O’Leary and her bovine friend. It was, of course, too late for either of them to appreciate; Mrs. O’Leary, who had become a recluse following the fire, passed away in 1895.
Chicago, After the Fire of 1871
But the fire had done its damage. Between 200 and 300 people were killed, and another 100,000 left homeless; 17,450 buildings were destroyed; and total damage was estimated at $200 million — more than $4 billion in today’s money.
But it’s an ill wind — or comet, or cow — that blows nobody good, as the old saying goes. Out of the ashes of that fire rose the metaphorical Phoenix that we know as the Windy City, the Second City, or just plain Chicago. And we’re glad she’s there.
*. *. *
1871 – The Peshtigo Fire. Wait a minute . . . is that a typo? Two newsworthy fires on the same day?
Nope, not a typo. And this one, just 250 miles north of Chicago, is to this day considered the most devastating fire in U.S. history. Some 1,200 lives were lost, and two billion trees were consumed by the wildfire. But it was overshadowed by the Great Chicago Fire, which started later that night.
The details of the results of the conflagration are too grisly to go into here. But the scope of the disaster, and the coincidence in timing, make it a piece of history too fascinating to overlook.
*. *. *
1956. New York Yankees’ Don Larsen pitches only World Series perfect game. I remember that. I was just a kid, and baseball was a big deal in our household. It’s a record that has not yet been broken by a single pitcher.
Don Larsen
*. *. *
1957. Jerry Lee Lewis records “Great Balls Of Fire” in Memphis, Tennessee. Not sure why this is considered big news, but it was included in the list. Take it for what it’s worth.
Jerry Lee Lewis
*. *. *
1967. Che Guevara captured by Bolivian army. Probably best remembered for his role in the Cuban Revolution of 1956-59, he was responsible for encouraging Fidel Castro to pursue his communist agenda. Thanks a lot, Che.
Che Guevera
*. *. *
1970. Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn wins the Nobel Prize in Literature. It was awarded “for the ethical force with which he has pursued the indispensable traditions of Russian literature.”
Probably his best-known work was the epic Gulag Archipelago. For his criticism of the Stalin regime, he was arrested in 1945 at the age of 27, served eight years in Russian prisons and labor camps, and — upon his release in 1953 — was sent into “internal exile” in Asiatic Russia. He began writing secretly during that period; after Stalin’s death in 1953, he was released from exile and began writing openly.
But his work had to be secreted out of Russia for publication, and he was not allowed to personally accept his Nobel Prize in 1970. Finally, in 1974, he was expelled from the Soviet Union for treason, and moved to the United States. He returned to Russia in 1994, where he remained until his death in 2008 at the age of 89.
Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
*. *. *
1970. Communists reject Nixon’s peace proposal. On the very day that Solzhenitsyn received his great honor from the Nobel Committee, Richard Nixon received a slap in the face from the North Vietnamese when they rejected his proposal to end the war in Vietnam, calling it “a maneuver to deceive world opinion.”
To the people of Vietnam, it seemed as though the fighting would never end. And when it finally did, it didn’t end well.
Richard M. Nixon
*. *. *
2001. The Office of Homeland Security is founded. This happened on October 8th, less than a month after the September 11th terrorist attacks in New York, Washington and Pennsylvania. Talk about being a little late closing that barn door . . . But to continue with yet another axiom, I suppose late is better than never.
*. *. *
Looking ahead in the list, I’m seeing nothing but bad news on this date: the first person in the U.S. to die of Ebola, in 2014; and something about a sweat lodge ceremony turned deadly in 2009. I’m not sure I even want to look into that one, so let’s end on the one remaining high note:
2004. Kenyan environmentalist and human rights campaigner Wangari Maathai wins Nobel Peace Prize. Ms. Maathai was born in 1940 to peasant farmers, and grew up in a rural community in Kenya. She was able to study in the United States, where she received bachelor’s and master’s degrees. In 1966, she returned home to Kenya to become the first woman in east and central Africa to earn a doctorate degree. She founded the Green Belt Movement in 1977, focused on reducing poverty and preserving the natural environment.
Accepting the Nobel Peace Prize in 2004, she addressed her people:
“My fellow Africans, let us as we embrace this recognition, let us use it to intensify our commitment to our people, to reduce conflicts and poverty and thereby improve their quality of life. Let us embrace democratic governance, protect human rights and protect our environment. I am confident that we shall rise to the occasion. I have always believed that solutions to most of our problems must come from us.”
Ms. Maathai died in 2011, at the age of 71, of complications from ovarian cancer. It’s unfortunate that she wasn’t given more years. That beautiful lady certainly left this world — or at least her corner of it — a better place than she found it.
Receiving the Nobel Peace Prize
Wouldn’t we all like to have that written about us.
On August 1st of this year, sixteen cots were vacated in various locations throughout Russia’s archipelago of penal colonies, when as many prisoners were released in an historic multi-nation prisoner swap.
But nature and Vladimir Putin abhor a vacuum, so it stands to reason that those vacancies had to be filled. And yesterday, two of them were.
American Stephen Hubbard, 72 years of age, was charged with having fought as a mercenary against Russia in Ukraine, allegedly after signing a contract for around $1,000 a month. Detained since April of 2022, Hubbard pled guilty last month, telling the Moscow City Court: “Yes, I agree with the charges.” He was brought to trial on September 27th. A guilty verdict or plea could bring a sentence of seven to fifteen years in prison. [Lauren Kent and Darya Tarasova, CNN, October 7, 2024.]
Stephen James Hubbard, in defendant’s box at trial
The “trial,” held behind closed doors, concluded on October 7th with Hubbard’s sentencing: six years and ten months in prison. The “minimal” sentence was said to be in deference to his age.
Hubbard’s sister, Trisha Hubbard Fox, had previously said that “he never had a gun, owned a gun, done any of that . . . He’s more of a pacifist.” She also had commented that her brother held pro-Russian views. And in a Facebook post in September, she stated:
“RUSSIA’s prosecutor is LYING!!! Steve was never a mercenary. He was an English teacher teaching English in foreign countries!”[Id.]
And now the English teacher / alleged mercenary will occupy a cot in a cell in a Russian prison, quite possibly for the remainder of his life.
*. *. *
Earlier on the same day, in a court in the city of Voronezh, another American citizen, Robert Gilman, had seven years and one month — to be served in a maximum-security penal colony — added to his 2022 sentence of more than four years for an alleged attack on a police officer.
Robert Gilman
The current charge is again assault — this time on a prison official and a state investigator. Only Gilman and the Russian officers know the truth behind the allegations. But the sad fact remains that Gilman now faces another nine years in the hell of Russia’s prison system.
So . . . two more cots occupied. Surely, there can’t be many more Americans left in Moscow to arrest. And if they’re smart, they’ll head for the nearest exit.
In 2022, American basketball star Brittney Griner was arrested in a Moscow airport for possession of marijuana — when in fact, what she had were some medically-prescribed cannabis oil cartridges that she had been given for pain. In August of that year, she was sentenced to nine years in prison. But on December 8th — after a total of ten months in pre-trial detention and prison — she was released in a trade arranged between the governments of Russia and the United States.
Brittney Griner
Sent back to his home in Russia, in exchange for the innocent American sportswoman, was Viktor Bout . . . a notorious Russian arms dealer widely known as the “Merchant of Death.” For nearly 20 years, he had sold weapons to rogue states, rebels and warlords in Africa, Asia and South America. He was arrested in Thailand in 2008 and extradited to the United States, where he was convicted in 2012 on terrorism-related charges and sentenced to 25 years in prison.
Viktor Bout, a.k.a. the “Merchant of Death”
Hardly a fair exchange, in the estimation of a great many people. The U.S. had refused to swap Bout before; but the Russians wanted him back — apparently very badly — and they knew they had a winning hand when they found Griner’s cannabis oil. So they arrested her, convicted her, and imprisoned her; and after months of negotiations, the deal was made.
For nearly two years, little has been heard of Viktor Bout outside of Russia. And now, the Wall Street Journal has reported that he has once again been dealing arms, this time to the Iran-backed Houthi rebels in Yemen:
“‘When Houthi emissaries went to Moscow in August to negotiate the purchase of $10 million . . . worth of automatic weapons, they encountered a familiar face: the moustachioed [sic] Bout,’ it reported, citing sources.” [James Kilner, The Telegraph, October 7, 2024.]
Reports from “people familiar with the matter” said that deals between Russia and the Houthi representatives were for weaponry ranging from small arms to anti-ship missiles. It was not known to what extent Bout was involved in the various trades, or whether he was acting on behalf of the Kremlin or simply with its tacit approval. [Id.]
But his presence was noted . . . and significant.
Houthi Rebels – Yemen
It does not appear that the potential arms sales have been completed, or that they would include the advanced weapons the Houthis might be seeking. But even small arms shipments would be a danger in the hands of the Houthis, who have been designated by the U.S. as a terrorist group. [Benoit Faucon, Michael R. Gordon, Warren P. Strobel and Alan Cullison, Wall Street Journal, October 7, 2024.]
*. *. *
So why on earth did we let this dangerous, hardened criminal loose on the world? Tymofiy Mylovanov, President of the Kyiv School of Economics, says:
“The Biden administration had previously assessed the risks of Bout’s release as ‘acceptable.’ It was believed he wouldn’t go back into the arms trade but would join politics. Well, now those ‘acceptable’ risks have been realised [sic]. I fear he is just starting.” [The Telegraph, op.cit.]
In fact, Washington was partially right. Political office seems to be a favorite landing spot for Moscow’s returning criminals and spies. Bout did indeed join a far-right, pro-Kremlin party upon his return home, and in 2023 won a seat in a local assembly. It appeared to some that he had reformed, until that meeting with the Houthi representatives in August. [Wall Street Journal, op.cit.]
Viktor Bout, back in Moscow
To say that the United States’ assessment was naive would, I believe, be a gross understatement. We screwed up — big time! For when has a treacherous, unscrupulous, highly successful arms dealer ever shown a propensity for choosing politics over his lifelong career? His world is all about the thrill, the danger . . . and the money.
It’s that simple.
*. *. *
The Wall Street Journal reports that Steve Zissou, a leading New York criminal attorney who represented Bout, declined to discuss whether his client had met with the Houthis. But he did have this to say:
“Viktor Bout has not been in the transportation business for over twenty years. But if the Russian government authorized him to facilitate the transfer of arms to one of America’s adversaries, it would be no different than the U.S. government sending arms and weapons of mass destruction to one of Russia’s adversaries as it has sent to Ukraine.”[Id.]
Attorney Steve Zissou
Oh, that’s very nice. I know it is the job of a defense attorney to . . . well . . . defend his client before and during the trial and any subsequent appeal. But a dozen years after the fact, to continue trying to justify the criminal actions for which that client was convicted — and which the whole world knows he did commit — well, that is just beyond all reason . . . and certainly outside the requirements of professional ethics. Better to say nothing at all.
Viktor Bout was not in the “transportation business,” Mr. Zissou. And sending weapons to defend a country under attack — yes, I’m speaking of Russia’s war of attrition against Ukraine — is not the same as selling weapons to a terrorist group whose sponsor’s aim is to wipe another country off the map.
We all know the things that start to wear out as we get older — you don’t need me to list them for you. The physical stuff is bad enough; but to me, even worse is when you’re standing there talking to someone and, mid-sentence, you can’t remember a specific word. Not something abstruse, like “esoteric,” for example. But . . . oh, say . . . “refrigerator.” Or “dog.”
And God forbid, someone should ask you the name of your favorite actor, or your best friend. Or your sister.
But it never ceases to amaze me when I recall, in the most excruciating detail, a complete picture of a party I went to, a show I saw, or a meeting I attended 40 years ago . . . including what I — and everyone else — wore, where we sat, what we ate, and who said what to whom.
And those thoughts inevitably lead me to marvel at the things I was able to do back then, 40 or 50 or . . . well, never mind how many years ago. Let’s just say, even if I wanted to, there’s no way in hell I could ever:
. . . repeatedly climb five flights of stairs to my office in that little old building in Prague every time the power went out during that summer of 1991.
. . . or, for that matter, walk those hilly, cobblestone streets of Prague, for miles and miles and miles.
. . . go straight from the office to the gym and work out on those . . . oh, what’s that word? . . . well, those machines for a couple of hours, and leave there feeling refreshed.
Yeah, sure!
. . . dance for hours in four-inch heels, and still be able to walk the next day.
Oh, yeah . . . that was me, all right.
. . . eat an entire baked stuffed lobster, plus the dozen large scallops in the stuffing, and part of a baked potato . . . and still think about dessert. All without throwing up. (At Mattakeese Wharf in Barnstable, Cape Cod, Massachusetts, if you’re interested.)
Baked or Boiled – Take Your Pick
. . . or run for a bus.
. . . or schlep luggage through an airport.
. . . or get up at 6:00 a.m., work all day, meet friends after work and party until 2:00 a.m., then do it all over again the next day.
Not a morning person!
. . . or just get up at 6:00 a.m., for any reason.
*. *. *
And those are just the fun things. The next stop on my train of thought is usually somewhere in the midst of all those things I’ve done throughout my life that I might not have done if I’d been smarter, or more cautious. You really want to know? Okay, then . . . there was:
. . . the time, on one of those after-work get-togethers, I consumed close to half of a fifth of vodka, then drove someone else home because he was too drunk to drive. It was his car, by the way, which I kept in order to get myself home; he had to take a taxi to pick it up the next day. And incidentally, please don’t mention this one to my kids; I don’t do that anymore.
. . . or the time I let myself be talked into eating escargot (snails, in case you didn’t know — and don’t you wish you still didn’t!). Even the excess of garlic and butter didn’t make them less disgusting.
I don’t care how you prepare them . . . they’re still snails.
. . . or go out with that guy I dated, just once, as a favor to . . . well, no. Never mind that one.
. . . or meeting that old acquaintance in Moscow and agreeing to help his friend find a publisher in the U.S. for his tell-all book.
No, actually, I think I would do that one again . . . but a bit differently, knowing what I know today. Because without that whole experience, I’d have very little to talk about in my old age, and this blog wouldn’t exist.
The day is nearly over in Moscow, but it’s not too late to send a birthday wish to Vladimir Vladimirovich:
С днем рождения!
The Birthday Boy
Now that I’ve said “Happy birthday,” it seems pretty lame compared to the effusive greetings he received on the dot of midnight from two of his nearest and dearest comrades . . . er, colleagues: Aleksandr Dugin and Ramzan Kadyrov. Allow me to elaborate.
Aleksandr Dugin
You may remember Dugin from some of my earlier descriptions: the far, far, far, far right uber-nationalist whack-job who is trying to help Putin rebuild the Soviet . . . oops! the Russian Empire. Well, he outdid himself with today’s birthday greeting, sent just minutes after the stroke of midnight via posting on his Telegram messaging channel:
“God save the Tsar! Putin rules the country confidently and unhurriedly. And it shall always be so. Well, almost.” [Guy Faulconbridge, Reuters, October 7, 2024.]
Not sure what he meant by “almost.” Perhaps it’s the fact that, at 72, Putin has already outlived his life expectancy (in Russia) by three years. That’s seriously creepy, Dugin.
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And then there was the quick turn-around by Chechen leader Ramzan Kadyrov, who had spent the previous week ripping into Putin’s handling (or mishandling) of the war in Ukraine. Seeking to cover his rather substantial yagoditsy (literally, buttocks), he praised the birthday boy for his support of Chechnya “in the most difficult times,” as follows:
“Russian President Vladimir Putin played a key role in the fate of the Chechen people,” adding that Putin had “saved the republic [and] raised [it] from ruins. Today, neither the collective West, nor Europe, nor even Ukraine can dispute this obvious and indisputable fact. And it will always be so! Putin has changed the world position of Russia and forced us to reckon with the position of our great state!” [Isabel van Brugen, Newsweek, October 7, 2024.]
Wow! That’s just beautiful.
Ramzan Kadyrov
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But wait — there’s one more. I should have known Aleksandr Lukashenko, Belarus’ presumptive president, wouldn’t forget his BFF’s big day.
Aleksandr Lukashenko with the Birthday Boy
His birthday message read: “Your deep understanding of Russia’s historic mission, personal responsibility for the fate of the people and the Fatherland have become a reliable guarantee of strengthening its statehood and sovereignty.” [Elena Giordano, Politico, October 7, 2024.]
When he’s no longer leading the people of Belarus to disaster, Lukashenko clearly has a future with Hallmark . . . don’t you agree?
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And there was a tightrope-walking message from Armenia’s Prime Minister, Nikol Pashinyan, who has lately been sucking up . . . sorry, fostering closer ties to the EU:
“Dear Vladimir Vladimirovich, please accept my sincere congratulations and best wishes on your birthday. We believe that at this stage, the need for consistent activities aimed at strengthening the mutually beneficial cooperation between the Republic of Armenia and the Russian Federation in all areas of mutual interest is of particular importance . . . I wish you, dear Vladimir Vladimirovich, health, success and all the best.” [Id.]
Armenian Prime Minister Nikol Pashinyan
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And that seems to be it. Nothing — at least not publicly — from dear friends Kim Jong Un, Xi Jinping, or the Ayatollah Ali Khamanei. [Id.]
It must have been a very quiet party. I do hope that someone in the Kremlin — perhaps Medvedev, Lavrov, or good old dependable Peskov — at least remembered to buy you a necktie.
I would add a lengthy, extravagant message of my own, Vladimir Vladimirovich, but it would hardly be appropriate. First of all, you don’t know me, so it would be meaningless. And secondly, I don’t like you. I mean . . . I really don’t like you.
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