And here I sit — having completed the first full day of my news-free detox program in which I am trying desperately to adhere to my three-step journey to sanity . . . while the blog to which I have devoted the past two years and four months of my life keeps drawing me back to it, like some enormous, other-worldly vacuum, just sucking my brain out of its cranium.

I’ve actually completed the first step: Acceptance. I accept that I am a news junkie, and that I am similarly addicted to writing about the news items that mostly strongly resonate with me.

Step Two was supposed to have been a cold-turkey shut-down. The constant deluge of negativity had been weighing on me, to the point where I couldn’t stop thinking about it, even waking up during the night and reaching for my phone to jot down some random thought. So I decided I wouldn’t read or write about the news at all for at least a couple of days . . . sort of like a reboot of my mind’s hard drive . . . and perhaps instead read a couple of the books in my “to-be-read” basket, catch up on some laundry, and maybe even rewrite my will.

But that lasted about as long as a Vladimir Putin-inspired truce. I kept hearing my phone signaling yet another incoming news item; and my iPad seemed to be calling out to me to respond, react, and begin writing.

So — as the books sat there, the laundry remained where it was, and I decided the will didn’t need changing after all — I adjusted Step Two instead. Cold turkey simply doesn’t work for me; baby steps are much more my speed. And I decided to try just commenting for a while on events that lend themselves to my particular brand of humor: i.e., sarcastic and somewhat twisted.

And — hands shaking like a recovering alcoholic who has just been handed a snifter of the world’s finest brandy — I began opening the day’s emails from the various news sources to which I subscribe, and felt myself settling with a deep sigh into that familiar territory to which I am inexorably (and inexplicably) drawn.

But I honestly could not find one item in the news that I could joke about without coming across like a sadistic psychopath. And I refuse as yet to plunge headlong into an immediate diatribe on the latest instance of man’s inhumanity to man; I am, after all, still in recovery. Instead, I’m just allowing myself to tiptoe (baby steps, remember) through the headlines, savoring the possibilities behind each one, but without the pressure of becoming emotionally involved. And maybe, if I’m very lucky, I will discover some bit of amusement I might have missed along the way . . . other than Kristi Noem’s stolen purse debacle, that is.

So, without further ado, here are some of the choice bits I managed to pass up today:

April 22, 1945: Hitler Admits Defeat. [“This Day In History,” History.com, April 22, 2025.]

That was a very good day, indeed. Perhaps those who continue to emulate his fascist rule would like to follow this example as well. Enough said.

The Harem of Elon Musk. [Elizabeth Bruenig, The Atlantic, April 18, 2025].

This one was really, really hard to leave alone.

Access to the federal website on COVID-19 is no longer publicly accessible. It now features a picture of Donald Trump and what it calls the “true origins of COVID-19” — supposedly a lab leak in China — and says that “public health officials often mislead the American people.” Absent is any mention of how to avoid catching or treating the illness, or anything about the 1.2 million Americans who have already died from it. [Jade Walker, CNN’s 5 Things AM, April 22, 2025.]

I will simply invoke a legal term for this one: Res ipsa loquitur: The thing speaks for itself.

Signal chat. Despite a second unsecured Signal call with unauthorized individuals, “The President stands strongly behind Secretary Hegseth, who is doing a phenomenal job leading the Pentagon,” according to White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt. [CNN’s 5 Things AM, April 22, 2025.]

There is just one word for this:

Three ways to make sense of Trump’s return. [The Atlantic, April 22, 2025.]

I love The Atlantic and its clear-thinking, straightforward articles. But this is one I didn’t bother opening, because I’m convinced there isn’t even one way — let alone three — to make sense of Donald Trump.

As controversies pile up, Trump allies increasingly turn on one another. [Chris Megerian and Zeke Miller, Associated Press, April 22, 2025.]

This one delivered a ray of hope. Maybe they’ll all just quit in disgust.

Kremlin says U.S. position ruling out NATO membership for Ukraine gives satisfaction. [Dmitry Antonov and Guy Faulconbridge, April 21, 2025.]

Don’t even get me started!

Putin suggests Russia open to direct talks with Ukraine, as strikes continue. [Yang Tian and Frances Mao, BBC News, April 22, 2025.]

SSDD: Same shit, different day.

Tesla profits plunge as Musk promises he’s ready to step away from role at DOGE. [Chris Isidore, CNN, April 22, 2025.]

Since one picture can indeed say more than a thousand words, here it is:

Magic mushrooms. It seems their use has increased “among all age groups in the US, but especially among adolescents and people 30 and older.” [Daniel Wine, CNN’s 5 Things PM, April 22, 2025.]

Well, that just leaves toddlers and 20-somethings, doesn’t it. So does that mean they’re smarter than the rest?

*. *. *

There were a few other items about a melting airport runway at Svalbard, Norway, in the Arctic; space taxis to transport satellites directly and more efficiently to their destination (sort of an uber-Uber?); and something about Ellen DeGeneres’ new home in the UK . . . by which time I’d genuinely lost interest.

Now, aren’t you glad I decided not to write about this stuff for a while?

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
4/23/25