Looking back through time is endlessly fascinating, and invariably leaves me wishing either that I could have been around to witness an event, or thanking my lucky stars I wasn’t. For example, who wouldn’t be happy to see the end of three decades of war, as in . . .

1648 – Thirty Years’ War ends. Actually a series of wars, fought by various European countries for a variety of reasons — many of them having to do with religion, as usual. I’ve never been able to sort out the details, but as a result of the signing of the Treaty of Westphalia ending the 30 years of grief and bloodshed, “the Netherlands gained independence from Spain, Sweden gained control of the Baltic and France was acknowledged as the preeminent Western power. The power of the Holy Roman Emperor was broken and the German states were again able to determine the religion of their lands.” [History.com, October 24, 2024.]

It sounds as though at least some good came out of that war (or series of wars) — unlike a few more recent ones I could name.

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1861 – Western Union completes the first transcontinental telegraph line. And the mania for instant communication still hasn’t been satisfied. What do you suppose those folks from Civil War days would think about the internet?

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1901 – First barrel ride down Niagara Falls. Okay, this was some crazy lady — a 63-year-old schoolteacher — whose husband had died in the Civil War, and who needed money. She thought the publicity of her insane stunt would make her rich, so she padded a pickle barrel with cushions, climbed in, had herself towed by a small boat into the middle of the Niagara River, and took the plunge. Her fame was short-lived, and the fortune she had anticipated never materialized. But the fact that she survived her 20 minutes of complete terror remains a testament to the biblical adage that “The Lord preserves the simple . . .” [Psalms 116:6.]

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1931 – George Washington Bridge is dedicated. This one is personal, recalling the most terrifying road trip of my life. It took place in the late 1960s or early ‘70s, when I agreed to drive my mother from Washington, D.C., to visit her sister in Rhode Island. I had never made that particular trip before, and carefully mapped out the shortest, most direct route. This, of course, was before the advent of GPS, so when I say “mapped,” I mean it literally.

Well, we packed my two small children and a whole lot of stuff into the car and took off on our family vacation. All was going smoothly until we were in New Jersey, approaching that marvel of engineering, the G.W. Bridge, and I saw dozens of signs directing drivers to . . . Oh! My! God! . . . not one, but two levels — one with eight lanes and the other with six! I had no clue where I was supposed to be, and all of the lanes were filled with cars speeding at what felt like 100 miles an hour.

I think I must have blacked out at some point, because all I remember is my mother — who was trying her best to read the signs and navigate — shouting, “No! Not that exit! That goes to the Bronx Zoo!”

And the next thing I knew, we were in some scary New York neighborhood, where the traffic was bumper-to-bumper, dead-stopped, and I swore that at the very least we were going to have our hubcaps stolen while we sat helplessly watching.

I made many trips to New England in the years that followed — all of them by way of the Garden State Parkway and the New York State Thruway. It adds a bit of time and mileage to the trip, but the Tappan Zee Bridge offers a lovely view . . . and it’s nowhere near the Bronx Zoo.

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1945. The United Nations is born. Though the United Nations Charter had been adopted and signed on June 26th, it did not take effect until October 24th of that year. Some 79 years later, I’m happy to say it’s still going strong. Let’s hope, for the sake of humanity, that it stays that way for at least another 79.

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1951 – President Truman declares war with Germany is officially over. Wow! I thought that ended in 1945. Actually, the fighting did end then, but the treaty with Germany wasn’t signed for another six years because of some squabbling with — anyone care to guess? — Russia, over the divvying up of Berlin. Some things never change.

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And to end on a less impressive note:

1997 – Marv Albert faces sentencing in sexual assault case. Albert, a popular sportscaster, had been charged with sexual assault by one Vanessa Perhach. She claimed he had invited her to his hotel room, suggested she participate in three-way sex, and then bit her on the back when she refused. Kind of funny, actually — but not to Ms. Perhach, nor to Albert, who resigned from his job at Madison Square Garden and was fired from NBC after pleading guilty to assault and battery.

I recall that this was a huge scandal and an unending topic of cocktail-party conversation at the time. By today’s standards, though — when everybody is suddenly “recalling” having been groped (or worse) by one celebrity or another — it all seems rather ordinary.

That’s too bad, really.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
10/25/24