As I muddle through my first full day of world-news detox — valiantly (I hope) ignoring the pinging of my phone each time another headline drops into my Inbox — my eye happens to rest on a follow-up to yesterday’s disturbing, yet somehow amusing, story of the theft of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem’s purse in a D.C. restaurant. And it just gets funnier, as more details become available.
DHS Secretary Kristi Noem
Some of the questions I posed yesterday have now been answered. The crime took place at Capital Burger, described as an “upscale burger restaurant” in a busy D.C. neighborhood heavily populated by many of the city’s better hotels and restaurants, and not far from the Convention Center.
Capital Burger
Noem says that her purse was sitting by her feet underneath her seat. We don’t know how many people were with her, but a DHS spokesperson told the BBC:
“Her entire family was in town including her children and grandchildren — she was using the [$3,000] withdrawal to treat her family to dinner, activities, and Easter gifts.” [Madeline Halpert, BBC News, April 21, 2025.]
So I managed to pull up a lovely family photo, and it appears they may have numbered as many as ten at Sunday’s dinner.
The Noem Clan
For a burger joint, Capital Burger is not cheap (though judging from the menu, it may be well worth the price for those who can afford it). It’s still not clear why she needed $3,000 in cash — as much as (or more than) some families have to live on for an entire month — for a meal and some Easter gifts, when most people would use a credit card. But that’s her business, isn’t it?
Capital Burger Menu
Two big questions remain: First, how did the thief manage it? Did this masked cat burglar crawl by on his hands and knees, unnoticed by the crowd? Did he do a sudden cartwheel past their table, snatching the bag from the floor as he vaulted across the room and out the door to the street? Did he rappel from the ceiling on a wire?
Or have I just been watching too many old Cary Grant movies?
Cary Grant in “To Catch a Thief”
The second question is, to my mind, more important: What were the Secret Service detail doing at the time? Were they part of the dinner party? Eating at a separate table? Watching TV? On a bathroom break? Whatever the answer, they clearly weren’t focused on the person they were supposed to be protecting. And I suspect that — unlike a certain Secretary of Defense who seems able to commit the most serious security breaches without having to answer for them — there are some Secret Service agents in trouble today . . . as they should be.
As for the victim herself, she is not without culpability here. “Homeland Security,” by definition, begins at home. Shouldn’t that include being aware of one’s own safety at all times? Or does she not know the difference between life in Washington, D.C., and the ranch back in South Dakota?
Lesson #1, Kristi: Big cities contain all sorts of people, including spies, terrorists, and “ordinary” criminals of all types, from armed robbers to purse-snatchers. You have to be careful, even during happy family events.
This is me, after only eight hours of trying not to think about all the things going on in the world that would make perfect subject matter for a couple of my snarky blog posts.
I thought that taking a couple of days off to clear my mind of all of the insanity would be easy. Instead, here I am, writing about not writing.
Because I keep wondering what’s going on in the world that I’m not aware of: How are the folks in Ukraine? Who will be the next Pope? What secrets has Pete Hegseth given away today? Did the police recover Kristi Noem’s DHS access badge (not to mention her $3,000)? Have I made it onto the Kremlin’s “foreign agent” list yet?
But as it turns out, this is really, really hard. I may have to taper off gradually . . .
Not sure of the reason, but I’ve been feeling as though I’m running on empty of late. It’s probably just a symptom of PTSD — Preternatural Trump Shitstorm Derangement — and I’m thinking a bit of hibernation might help, wherein I eat lots of chocolate, drink a bit of wine, and binge-watch “Would I Lie To You?” on BritBox in my pajamas.
“F*$#%-ing World!”
So I’m here to tell anyone who may be reading this that I’m taking a break from blogging to attend to other matters . . . not sure exactly what yet . . . and giving the world a bit of a rest. Don’t know how long it will take — maybe just days, maybe a little longer, or only until there’s a headline I can’t resist. We shall see.
In the meantime, I feel confident that the earth will keep turning without my input.
. . . I find it incredibly funny that the handbag of the person in charge of America’s security was stolen — not just under her nose, but also the noses of her Secret Service detail — while dining in a Washington, D.C. restaurant.
Well, no . . . not side-splittingly “funny” in the same sense as a Robin Williams improv performance; but from a more ironic, Agatha Christie sort of outlook. Just picture it:
The U.S. Secretary of Homeland Security, Kristi Noem, is dining in what I presume to be an upscale restaurant in Washington on Easter Sunday evening, when — according to news reports — “an unknown white male wearing a medical mask steal[s] her bag and leave[s] the restaurant.” [Josh Campbell and Kit Maher, CNN, April 21, 2025.]
Early reports have not yet provided other details, such as the number of people at Noem’s table; where she had placed her bag; the number and location of her Secret Service protectors; or the name and neighborhood location of the restaurant.
The CNN report did, however, provide a description of the contents of Noem’s bag: her “driver’s license, medication, apartment keys, passport, DHS access badge, makeup bag, blank checks, and about $3,000 in cash.” [Id.]
Where do I even begin? Maybe with the $3,000 in cash. Who, in their right mind, walks around Washington — or any city in the world — with that kind of cash? Although, considering her job, perhaps she has to be ready to travel at a moment’s notice . . . which would also explain the presence of the passport.
But those are the least of her concerns. Right now, some very slick operator is walking around with Noem’s home address, keys to her apartment, and her DHS access badge.
What is funny is the mental image I have of a Keystone Kops operation taking place in D.C. right now, wherein everything is being tracked, deactivated, locks changed, passport and driver’s license reissued, bank account frozen, prescription refilled, and someone making a quick trip to Sephora for the right shade of makeup — all in a matter of hours, rather than the weeks it would take any of the rest of us to accomplish the same things.
And what’s ironic is that this has happened to — let me repeat once again — the Secretary of Homeland Security.
Kristi Noem
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What is wrong with this picture? The Secretary of Defense having classified conversations with uncleared people over open communication channels; a serial baby daddy randomly decimating what were, for the most part, well-running government agencies; and now — yes, I’ll say it one more time — the Secretary of Homeland Security losing her most important possessions in public.
What’s wrong is this: our country is being run by real estate investors, midwestern farmers, and apocalypse preppers who appear to be doing their damnedest to bring about the apocalypse.
And those who are best qualified to protect us — and charged with doing that very thing — are sitting on their haunches in Congress and in the Supreme Court, enabling the puppetmaster in the Oval Office to continue his Punch and Judy show, completely unchallenged.
On this date in 1978, a Korean Air Lines passenger jet en route from Paris to Seoul veered into Russian air space and was intercepted by Soviet jets. Although instructed to land at a specific airfield, the KAL plane instead made a rough landing on a frozen lake about 300 miles south of Murmansk. Two people were killed and several others injured during the landing. [“This Day In History,” History.com, April 20, 2025.]
Although South Korean officials claimed that “navigational errors” had caused the plane to fly off course, Soviet officials were not convinced. Nevertheless, the Soviet Union did allow a civilian American aircraft to retrieve the survivors. [Id.]
A Native of Murmansk, Russia
That little bit of history brought back a much clearer remembrance of a similar, but even more devastating, incident just over five years later. The following is from one of my earlier posts, but in light of the present state of U.S.-Russia relations, it seems worth repeating.
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September 1, 1983: Korean Airlines flight shot down by Soviet Union. This one is personal, and still makes my heart ache to think about it.
I was in the office when the call came from the Dean of Columbia University Law School, telling me that John Oldham had been on that Korean Air Flight 007 to Seoul, en route to China for his summer of study and teaching. “No! Not the one the Soviets shot down!”
Tragically, it was.
John was an amazing young man — smart, hard-working, decent, with a bright future. Just having graduated from law school, he was scheduled to join our firm; but first he had been offered an internship in Beijing for a year of study, with a side job of teaching English. He had been scheduled to leave a day earlier, but had changed his reservations in order to accommodate a friend who needed help with something. That was John.
And now he was gone.
John Oldham
It fell to me to tell everyone in the office . . . but first of all, Walter. That was my immediate boss, Walter Sterling Surrey — a prominent international attorney and senior partner of the Washington-based law firm of Surrey & Morse — with clients doing business throughout the world, including China and the Soviet Union. But he was at a dental appointment that morning, so I had to tell him by phone, before he might hear it somewhere else.
When I called him at the dentist’s office and broke the news, he said nothing for a moment. Then: “Call Tregub. I want him in my office at noon. No excuses.” And he hung up.
Valeriy Tregub was our commercial contact in the Soviet Embassy. When I reached him by phone, there were none of the usual niceties. I told him bluntly, “One of our people was on that plane. Walter wants to see you here at noon.” And he didn’t argue.
When Tregub arrived, he looked as though he’d already been through hell; and his meeting with Walter didn’t help. I learned later from Walter that he had told Tregub what he thought his government should do — accept responsibility for a terrible, accidental tragedy, and offer restitution — but of course, they did just the opposite, denying fault and accusing the Koreans of spying.
The Downing of KAL Flight 007 – September 1, 1983
And to this day, there has been no justice for the 269 passengers and crew members on that flight . . . John Oldham included. He would have been around 65 now, probably married with children and grandchildren, and likely looking forward to retirement from a successful and meaningful career.
But that never happened for John . . . just as it will never happen for the tens of thousands of those killed during the past three years, and still being killed, on the battlegrounds and in the cities and villages of Ukraine. Because it never stops.
In 1983, it was Yuri Andropov seated in the Kremlin; today it is Vladimir Putin. It seems that only the names have changed.
While preparing my regular Sunday report (posted earlier today) on the status of the political prisoners being held hostage in Russia’s prisons and penal colonies, a news flash popped up on my phone with — miracle of miracles! — some incredibly happy news for the Easter and Passover holidays.
While Vladimir Putin’s promised 30-hour Easter ceasefire in Ukraine remains tenuous, on Saturday the two warring countries did manage to carry out their largest prisoner-of-war swap since the Russian invasion of Ukraine in February of 2022.
Coming Home to Ukraine
With each side welcoming home between 200 and 300 POWs, it was indeed a cause for celebration.
There is, of course, still a long way to go before the two countries reach a final accord. But for now, we’ll take every moment of joy we can get.
On April 10th, the trial of journalists Sergei Karelin, Konstantin Gabov, Antonina Favorskaya, and Artem Kriger was concluded behind closed doors in a Moscow court. They had been charged with belonging to an “extremist” group, which they deny. Their actual “crime”: having previously reported favorably about famed dissident — and Putin nemesis — Aleksei Navalny.
The trial had been in progress since last October. Finally, on April 15th, sentencing was handed down, condemning each of the four defendants to five and one-half years in a penal colony. The charges against them carried a maximum penalty of imprisonment for six years.
This is more than just a tragedy for four innocent individuals; it is a continuation of Vladimir Putin’s obsessive drive — in the words of Human Rights Watch (HRW) — to “erase Navalny’s political legacy [through their] extensive arsenal of repressive tools.” In February, on the first anniversary of Navalny’s death in a Siberian penal colony, dozens of people who gathered to pay homage to his memory were detained by authorities. HRW has called those arrests “just the tip of the iceberg in the Kremlin’s continued crackdown on his supporters.” [Sana Noor Haq and Anna Chernova, CNN, April 16, 2025.]
But we can continue to remember him, his supporters, and all of the victims of Putin’s war against freedom.
In Memoriam: Aleksei Navalny
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And on Friday, a St. Petersburg court sentenced a 19-year-old woman, Darya Kozyreva, to two years and eight months in prison for repeatedly “discrediting” the Russian army — a charge used by the Putin regime to cover any number of actions deemed to signify opposition to the war in Ukraine. She had been arrested more than a year earlier, on February 24, 2024.
Darya Kozyreva
There is a monument in St. Petersburg to Ukrainian poet Taras Shevchenko (which in itself is surprising), onto which Kozyreva had glued a verse from his poem “My Testament,” reading:
“Oh bury me, then rise ye up / And break your heavy chains / And water with the tyrants’ blood / The freedom you have gained.” [Mariya Knight and Caitlin Danaher, CNN, April 18, 2025.]
At a hearing on that charge, Kozyreva, of course, maintained that she was merely quoting an existing poem.
A second case was brought against her in August of 2024, following an interview with Radio Free Europe in which she called the war “monstrous” and “criminal.” And, dating back to her high school days in 2022, she has spoken out as an anti-war activist. She has been fined in the past for “discreditation,” and expelled from university for posting on Russian social media her views on the “imperialist nature of the war.” [Id.]
All of the above, of course, served to bring her to the attention of the Russian authorities to whom speaking against Putin’s “special military operation” in Ukraine is tantamount to committing treason.
Thus, sadly, we add one more name to our honor roll of political hostages today.
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And never forgetting the others left behind . . .
The Azov 12 David Barnes Ales Bialiatski (in Belarus) Gordon Black Andrei Chapiuk (in Belarus) Antonina Favorskaya Konstantin Gabov Robert Gilman Stephen James Hubbard Sergey Karelin Ihar Karney (in Belarus) Vadim Kobzev Darya Kozyreva Artyom Kriger Uladzimir Labkovich (in Belarus) Michael Travis Leake Aleksei Liptser Ihar Losik (in Belarus) Daniel Martindale Farid Mehralizada (in Azerbaijan) Nika Novak Marfa Rabkova (in Belarus) Igor Sergunin Dmitry Shatresov Robert Shonov Eugene Spector Valiantsin Stafanovic (in Belarus) Siarhei Tsikhanouski (in Belarus) Laurent Vinatier Robert Romanov Woodland Vladislav Yesypenko (in Crimea) Yuras Zyankovich (in Belarus)
. . . while looking forward to the day they’re all at home again.
Earlier today, Vladimir Putin declared an “Easter truce” in the war on Ukraine, stating that Russia would cease “all hostilities” from 6:00 p.m. Moscow time Saturday night to midnight Monday, April 21st, and that “We assume that the Ukrainian side will follow our example.” [Kosta Gak, et al., CNN, April 19, 2025.]
Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky posted to X that Russia’s announcement was “yet another attempt by Putin to play with human lives. At this moment, air raid alerts are spreading across Ukraine. At 17:15 [5:15 p.m.], Russian attack drones were detected in our skies. Shahed drones in our skies reveal Putin’s true attitude toward Easter and toward human life.”
Reports from Ukraine were that, as of 7:00 p.m., sirens were sounding in Kyiv and several other regions, and that “the Russians continue to fire in all directions.” Ukrainian troops at three separate locations on the front lines said there was no sign of a cessation in fighting. [Id.]
But that shouldn’t surprise anyone. Putin’s seemingly magnanimous offer — likely a knee-jerk reaction to yesterday’s U.S. threat to withdraw from negotiations if both sides failed to step up — would hardly be expected to filter down to the troops, already engaged in combat at the front lines, in time to effect a total ceasefire by a 6:00 p.m. deadline.
It was a grand gesture, an “отвлекающий маневр”(diversionary tactic), intended both to lend credence to his protestations of wanting to end the war, and to give him time to stall negotiations just a little longer.
Like the little boy who cried wolf, he has used up all of his chances. Why should anyone ever take him seriously again?
If anyone — obviously someone with more time and greater fortitude than I have remaining — ever decides to compile a list of “Greatest Quotations From the Second Trump Administration,” this will surely be at the top of the Marco Rubio chapter:
“If it is not possible to end the war in Ukraine, we need to move on.”
And he followed with:
“We need to determine very quickly now, and I’m talking about a matter of days, whether or not this is doable.”
That’s it, then? Just wash our hands of the whole thing and walk away . . . leaving an entire nation at the mercy of Vladimir Putin’s army of conscripts, mercenaries and criminals, and the rest of Europe preparing to be next?
Well, yes . . . that is what the U.S. Secretary of State said on Friday in Paris, following high-level talks with European and Ukrainian officials. And his comments were quickly confirmed by Donald Trump to reporters in the Oval Office, when he said that Rubio was “right . . . [n]o specific number of days, but quickly, we want to get it done.” [Alex Stambaugh, Max Saltman, et al., CNN, April 18, 2025.]
Asked by CNN’s Pamela Brown what was meant by “moving on,” an unnamed U.S. official said that Rubio was “communicating the president’s views,” and that Trump “doesn’t have limitless patience for people to posture and play games.” [Id.]
In other words, Trump’s grand promise to end the three-year-old war within 24 hours of taking office hasn’t exactly worked out according to plan, and he’s losing patience . . . not to mention, credibility. It wasn’t clear whom he was blaming for the failure of negotiations — that seems to change on an almost daily basis — but doubtless it will be someone other than himself. He did say:
“If, for some reason, one of the two parties makes it very difficult, we’re just going to say, ‘You’re foolish, you’re foolish. You’re horrible people,’ and we’re just going to take a pass — but hopefully we won’t have to do that.” [Id.]
I do so love Trump’s Churchillian eloquence . . . don’t you?
When asked what progress he would be looking for in order to continue negotiations, he said he would “have to see an enthusiasm to want to end it [from both sides] soon.” [Id.]
And from Moscow, also on Friday, Kremlin spokesman Dmitry Peskov said that Russia was “striving to settle this conflict. The contacts are quite complicated because the topic of Ukrainian settlement is also not simple. . . . Certain developments already exist, but of course there are still many difficult discussions ahead.” [Id.]
Ah, Dima, my man . . . as always, the master of understatement and obfuscation. Thanks for your input.
Kremlin Spokesman Dmitry “Dima” Peskov
On the same day, the city of Kharkiv, Ukraine, was hit by a massive Russian missile attack.
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And thus ends another week of high-level international diplomacy. Henry Kissinger would have been so proud.
In the first two installments of this three-part series, I introduced you to Malcolm and Simone Collins, a Pennsylvania couple who identify as “pronatalists” — part of a growing movement to encourage, and hoping one day perhaps to mandate, larger families and to instill in their multiple children their ultra-conservative, right-wing, anti-liberal, anti-“woke” standards.
And I alluded to the fact that they, and their fellow travelers, were seeking government support for their movement from like-minded individuals at the top of the Washington hierarchy . . . including Donald Trump, JD Vance, and none other than the king of sperm donors himself: Elon Musk — each of whom has spoken in favor of population growth and a resurgence of their idea of “traditional” family values.
As I stated previously, what these folks choose to do with their lives is their business . . . big families can be great in the right conditions. But Malcolm Collins has described their movement as follows:
“We are a coalition of people who are incredibly different in our philosophies, our theological beliefs, our family structures. But the one thing we agree on is that our core enemy is the urban monoculture; the leftist unifying culture.”
From that, I infer that a “rightist unifying culture” would, on the other hand, be just dandy with them. Hmmm . . .
The Collins Family (so far)
It does sound as though there is disunity within the movement’s own ranks. At their second annual Natal Conference in March, two very different branches of the American right were brought together: conservative Christians, and members of the so-called “tech right” — an outgrowth of the libertarian, start-up culture of Silicon Valley. [Stephanie Hegarty, BBC, April 1, 2025].
One of last year’s speakers was Michael Anton, recently appointed by Trump as the State Department’s Director of Policy Planning. And one of this year’s speakers — economist Catherine Pakaluk, herself the mother of eight and stepmother of six — hesitates to call herself a pronatalist. “It’s like an unholy alliance,” she says. “It’s a complicated movement and includes people with very different positions.” [Id.]
Malcolm Collins has said: “[If you ask me] do we have pronatalists in the White House right now who are pushing policy, my response to this would be, ‘I mean, duh, like Elon and JD Vance.’”
Pronatalist Role Models
As he said . . . “Duh”!
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Which brings us back to Washington’s best-known baby daddy, Elon Musk. Father of an estimated 14 children (and counting) by at least four women (of questionable judgment), he has caused millions of people around the world to ask themselves one simple question regarding his proclivity for procreation: “WHY??”
And now there may be an answer to that.
He wants to populate Mars.
The Red Planet
Well, no . . . not immediately. I’m not suggesting he plans to pack all of his kids onto one of his experimental space ships and send them soaring off into space. But his “more-is-better” philosophy of family planning and his aspiration to colonize Mars are connected.
According to Ashley St. Clair — a right-wing social media influencer and the chosen mother of one of Musk’s children — he is creating a “legion” of children to prepare for the apocalypse. [Shannon Carroll, Quartz, April 16, 2025.]
That’s “legion” as in:
A Legion of Ancient Rome
No, no, sorry . . . more like this:
The “Legion” of Musk
Are you still with me? Good, because there’s more.
St. Clair is said to have shown the Wall Street Journal texts she received from Musk while she was pregnant with their child, suggesting they enlist other women to join them in creating this medley of Musks more quickly. One such message read, in part:
“To reach legion-level before the apocalypse, we will need to use surrogates.” [Id.]
He has written on X that he believes “becoming multiplanetary is critical to ensuring the long-term survival of humanity and all life as we know it.” [Id.]
He also believes that civilization is under threat because of a declining population. At a conference in Saudi Arabia last year, he flatly stated:
“I think for most countries, they should view the birthrate as the single biggest problem they need to solve.” [Id.]
Not wars; not environmental decay; not pandemics; and not Donald Trump’s tariffs. Just crank out the babies, ship them off to Mars, and let Earth destroy itself.
But this was not a universal recommendation to every part of the world. On the contrary, others familiar with Musk have said he is concerned that third-world countries have higher birth rates than the U.S. and Europe, and that he sees his role as “helping seed the earth with more human beings of high intelligence.” [Id.]
Oh! My! God! He thinks he’s frickin’ Johnny Appleseed! “Seed the earth”??!!!
But wait. He also said, people of “high intelligence.” So I take it back — he’s not Johnny Appleseed . . .
. . . he’s this century’s Adolph Hitler, hell-bent on creating the Master Race.
And he is the idol of the pronatalist movement.
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As usual, I have questions:
— Wouldn’t it make more sense to try to fix the problems we’ve created here on Earth than to begin making the same stupid mistakes elsewhere?
— When should we expect the apocalypse? Should we begin planning now?
— How soon does he expect Mars to be habitable?
— Has he heard about all of the elements on Mars that are toxic to humans?
— Does he even know that his rockets keep failing?
— What makes him think his progeny will be intelligent? For that matter, how does he define “intelligent”? It’s different from merely being “educated,” you know.
— How sure is he that his children, grandchildren, etc., will choose to go along with his Dr. Strangelove-ish scheme?
Peter Sellers as “Dr. Strangelove” – 1964 Film
— And finally . . . strictly from my own point of view . . . who wants to survive the apocalypse in any event? Have you seen those movies about the last people on earth?!!
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There is no longer any doubt in my mind: the inmates are, in fact, running the asylum. And my first and foremost thought — to borrow the title of a show by the late, great Anthony Newley — is: