Let’s say you break into someone’s house in the middle of the night. The homeowner wakes up, hears you, comes downstairs, tackles you, ties you up with a bungee cord that just happens to be lying around, and calls the police to come and arrest you.

But you have a gun hidden in your pants pocket, which you manage to wriggle free. You then shoot and kill the homeowner, and when the police arrive shortly thereafter, you claim self-defense on the theory that you had a right to defend yourself against physical assault.

Do you seriously believe a jury is going to buy that?

Hardly. You were, after all, caught burglalrizing that dead man’s home. Or had you forgotten that?

It’s nonsense, of course. But it is — on a much larger scale — what the Kremlin is alleging in connection with two of its sanctioned oil tankers and a Russian navy frigate that were tracked by British authorities passing through the English Channel.

Between Wednesday and Thursday, April 8th and 9th, the Russian-flagged UNIVERSAL and the Cameroon-flagged ENIGMA — each carrying some 40,000 tons of Russian diesel fuel — illegally crossed through UK waters, according to ship tracking data. Although British Prime Minister Keir Starmer has said that he has authorized the military to board and detain Russian ships in British waters to prevent their exporting oil in violation of Western sanctions, no such action has been taken so far.

Nevertheless, Kremlin spokesman Dmitry Peskov claims that Russia has the right to take action in order to ensure the safety of its own property, saying:

“Over the past few months, we have witnessed repeated incidents of piracy in international waters. These incidents of piracy have, among other things, harmed the economic interests of the Russian Federation.

“The Russian Federation considers itself entitled to, and will certainly take, measures to protect its interests.” [Dmitry Antonov, et al., Reuters, April 9, 2026.]

Really, Dima? Are you forgetting where this so-called “piracy” took place? Yes? Then let me remind you: You were in someone else’s house, sweetheart . . . uninvited.

The naval vessel, ADMIRAL GRIGOROVICH, had been tracked by British, Belgian, French and Dutch aircraft and ships as it accompanied the two tankers — part of Russia’s shadow fleet that illegally transports oil for export in violation of existing sanctions — through British waters.

And British Defense Minister John Healey reported in a press conference that a separate British operation involving the UK and Western allies was already underway to make Russia’s illegal actions more difficult. Confirming that his government was prepared to take further steps if necessary, Healey said:

“We have the military options, and we’re ready to take action. Not just in support of, but action with, allies to interdict shadow fleet vessels.” [Id.]

Lest any point be overlooked, let me also remind you, Dima, that those sanctions would not have been necessary in the first place if it weren’t for your government’s war — not a “special military operation,” as you euphemistically refer to it, but an all-out WAR now in its fifth year — against Ukraine.

*. *. *

Vladimir Putin and his mouthpiece Peskov very conveniently ignore those little details, as well as the pesky legal issues, as they self-righteously protest that they are the victims of Western aggression. But isn’t that what they always do when caught with their proverbial pants down?

It is. And frankly, it’s getting really old.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
4/12/26