You probably thought I was going to name Donald Trump, didn’t you? Well, in all honesty, it was a close call. But this year’s “April Fool Award” — which I just invented, by the way: sort of like that FIFA Peace Prize, but without the medal and the chintzy faux-gold knick-knack — goes to the guy waiting anxiously to move into the Oval Office as soon as the 25th Amendment is invoked against his boss: none other than JD Vance himself.

Because surely he was pulling our collective leg when he said on a recent podcast that he doesn’t believe extraterrestrials are aliens from outer space, but are actually something quite different. What he said was:

“When I came in, I was obsessed with the UFO files. … I’ve already had a couple of times where I’m like, ‘All right, we’re going to Area 51. We’re going out to New Mexico. We’re gonna sort of get to the bottom of this.’ And then the timing of the trip just didn’t work out. But trust me, anybody who’s curious about this, I’m more curious than anybody, and I’ve got three years of the very tippy top of the classification. I’m gonna get to the bottom of it.” [Ryan Coleman, Entertainment Weekly, March 29, 2026.]

(Hmm . . . “From the “very tippy top . . . to the bottom of it.” Why does that sound like a man describing a premonition of his own future?)

But, as I tend to do, I digress.

So, just as I was envisioning him clad in his aluminum-foil body suit, carrying a portable Geiger counter or whatever UFOlogists use to detect aliens, he clarified:

“I don’t think they’re aliens. I think they’re demons.” [Id.]

Oh, well, then . . . that’s a whole different ballgame. He doesn’t need a Geiger counter; he needs to take along a priest who specializes in exorcisms.

I expected the next words from his mouth to be, “April fool!” But they weren’t. Instead, he told podcaster Benny Johnson that he believes “celestial beings, who fly around and do weird things to people” are not necessarily E.T.-type aliens. Rather, he said:

“I think that the desire to describe everything celestial [as] otherworldly, to describe it as aliens — I mean, every great world religion, including Christianity, the one that I believe in, has understood that there are weird things out there. And there are things that are very difficult to explain. And I naturally go, when I hear about sort of extra-natural phenomenon, that’s where I go to, is the Christian understanding. … There’s a lot of good out there, but there’s also some evil out there. And I think that one of the devil’s great tricks is to convince people he never existed.” [Id.]

(One further digression: I happen to think one of the devil’s great tricks is the current administration in Washington. But what do I know about the devil? I’m Jewish.)

Sadly, though, JD has been too busy with other things — more Earth-bound matters like a war, a tanking economy, and keeping his job — to pursue this particular interest. As he said, he has “not been able to spend enough time on this to really understand it.” But he is “more curious than anybody” about aliens, demons and such; and luckily:

“I’ve still got three more years as vice president. I will get to the bottom of the UFO files.” [Id.]

Really? Well, the way things are going, I wouldn’t count on that, JD.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
4/1/26