I’m so excited, I just had to share this with the world.

I celebrated another birthday last week, and yesterday I had my regular semi-annual medical checkup. The lab results aren’t back yet, but everything looked good from the exam . . . and especially the cognitive test that is apparently required by Medicare because they want to be sure we senior citizens haven’t all gone as ga-ga as those government officials in Washington.

Well, I am thrilled beyond words . . . in fact, I’d be jumping for joy, if I could still jump. You see — although I do have arthritis, a bad back, and occasional wooziness on standing — I am officially at least as smart as Donald Trump.

Because I aced the same “IQ” test he did.

Yes, folks, it’s true. I could be President of the United States, if I had the money to buy an election. Yesterday I was able to remember three words for five whole minutes; in fact, I still remember them today: “baby,” “village,” and “kitchen.” Wow! Am I not incredible?

And, though I’m no artist, I drew a beautiful circular clock, with all of the numbers going . . . well . . . clockwise. And I knew where the big hand and the little hand pointed to show ten minutes past eleven. Whoopee!!

Plus — and this will amaze you — I know the difference between a camel and a tiger. Can you believe it??!!!!

Okay, okay — thank you very much, but please hold the applause. This is not a campaign rally. You see, I’ve thought about it overnight, and I’ve decided I’m simply too smart to run for any political office, much less the presidency.

I mean, what person in their right mind would want to take charge of a war that isn’t a war, a government that has ceased to function, an entire world of allies that hate us, a bunch of declared enemies that want to bury us, and a gold-plated house with a broken right wing?

Seriously, I’m asking . . . WHO??

Well, not I. Because I am, according to my doctor, the smartest, most stable octogenarian she’s ever met, and probably who has ever lived . . . smarter than Socrates, Albert Einstein, and Adlai Stevenson rolled into one. I got the highest score she’s ever seen on that brain-busting IQ test — higher than Kamala Harris or Barack Obama, for sure. And that qualifies me, if not to be president, then at least to write this blog every day (which is more than what’s-his-name can do by himself).

My little blog doesn’t pay anything, but it’s a great gig: no worries, no stress, no enemies, no skeletons in my closet, and no Secret Service detail or reporters following me everywhere. And at my age, what would I do with a gazillion dollars anyway . . . take over Cuba? Honestly, who needs that “shithole country”? (Sorry, Cuba; just quoting you-know-who.)

Again, not I. Because, you see, I’m also smart enough to know when it’s time to call it quits. And that’s why I’m retired.

Unlike that other stable genius:

Yeah, you.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
3/27/26