They’re incredibly beautiful, with pale fur and black faces, and described as very intelligent and social. But they’re native to Africa . . . not to Missouri.

Yet an unknown number of them — estimated between two and four, according to witness reports — are presently at large in St. Louis.

They have been identified by the St. Louis Zoo’s primate expert as Vervet monkeys, but no one knows where they came from or how they got loose . . . except, of course, their most recent owner, who hasn’t as yet come forward, most likely because they know it is illegal for individuals to own primates or other exotic animals in Missouri.

These little cuties are obviously smart enough to have evaded capture despite several sightings, and presumably they are finding food and shelter somewhere. I’m relieved that ICE agents haven’t managed to track them down, as they are clearly illegal immigrants — which also means they are in danger of being classified as domestic terrorists if they try to defend themselves.

I, for one, hold out hope that they will find their way to Washington (perhaps following in the footsteps of the Buddhist monks), where they — the monkeys, not the monks — will invade and take control of the White House, send its present occupant via oil tanker to Venezuela, and return a semblance of sanity to the federal government. After all, we could do worse than having a couple of monkeys running things.

Oh, wait . . . we already have.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
1/13/26