My daughter used to live just a few miles from Ashland, Virginia, so I know it well — an historic, mostly residential town of around 8,000 people, and home to Randolph-Macon College, the Henry Clay Inn, our favorite Iron Horse Restaurant (which my grandkids called the “Choo-Choo Restaurant” for its location next to the railroad tracks) . . . and the Ashland ABC liquor store.

On Saturday, the normally quiet routine of this lovely little college town was enlivened by a break-in at the ABC store . . . not by masked men looking for money, but by a little four-legged masked bandit with a big thirst.

The audacious heist has even made the world news. As reported today by Emma Rossiter of the BBC, it seems that a raccoon we’ll call Rocky (for lack of a better name), while the store was closed for the Thanksgiving holiday, had fallen through a ceiling tile into the store. Following his natural, mischievous raccoon instincts, he began rummaging through the merchandise, broke a few bottles of scotch, and found it much to his liking.

Upon searching the premises, the employees of the store found Rocky in the bathroom, where he had done a classic face-plant between the toilet and the trash bin. Happily, he was very much alive, but completely wasted.

The Hanover County animal control folks were called to the rescue, and Rocky was given time to sober up and safely released back into the wild — probably more than a little confused and embarrassed, but none the worse for his adventure.

I can only imagine the chatter around the local raccoon community when Rocky reported to his friends on how he had spent the Thanksgiving weekend.

And how surprised he’ll be when he gets the bill for the damage.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
12/3/25