If an individual were to kidnap their own child and demand an obscene amount of money in exchange for allowing the child to live, that person would be universally declared, not merely a criminal, but the lowest form of human being.

Yet that is exactly what this man is doing. No, not to one of his 14 (or more) biological children, but to his corporate “baby” — Tesla, Inc.

When Elon Musk took on the task of decimating the U.S. government as head of Donald Trump’s newly-created, ironically-named Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE), he began neglecting his duties as CEO of Tesla . . . much to the dismay of its directors and shareholders, who were left to deal with plummeting profits and share prices.

When he exited DOGE in May of this year, it was believed that he would be returning full-time to Tesla. But some investors have said that his other business and political interests are still interfering with his obligations to the company. So, in true oligarch fashion, he struck a deal . . .

. . . for the bargain price of $1,000,000,000,000.

Yes, that’s One Trillion Dollars, folks . . . with 12 zeros and four commas. And before you say it, please allow me:

No one — not a single person on this Earth — is worth that much money!!!

Not even Elon Musk. And, let’s face it . . . no one needs that much money, or could spend it in a lifetime, unless they gave most of it away. Or founded their own country. Perhaps on Mars?

But back to Planet Earth. The good news is that Tesla — 75% of whose shareholders approved this scam . . . er . . . deal — does not have to raise a trillion dollars in cash. And Musk does have to earn it over a ten-year period by meeting various targets and raising the firm’s market value from its present $1.4 trillion to an astonishing $8.5 trillion. He would also have to get a million self-driving Robotaxi vehicles into commercial operation. [Lily Jamali, BBC, November 6, 2025.]

When the announcement was made, Musk was in Austin, Texas, where he took to the stage and danced as his audience chanted his name. When he stopped moving, he had this to say:

“What we’re about to embark upon is not merely a new chapter of the future of Tesla, but a whole new book. Other shareholder meetings are snoozefests but ours are bangers. Look at this. This is sick.” [Id.]

Well, yes . . . it is sick, but in an entirely different sense of the word. Look at it this way: If you somehow managed to put a trillion dollars into an account or fund that paid a mere one percent simple interest per year, your annual earnings would still be $10 billion.

Now, obviously that’s not what one does with that kind of money. And his payout would consist, not of cash, but hundreds of millions of new Tesla shares. But still, I repeat . . .

NO ONE NEEDS THAT MUCH MONEY!!!!!!!!

There are entire countries whose GDPs don’t even come close to it.

And there’s still the question of whether he will fulfill the requirements of the deal. His remarks earlier on Thursday focused on his Optimus robot, rather than the company’s electric vehicle business or the Robotaxis.

As expressed by analyst Gene Munster, managing partner at Deepwater Asset Management:

“His vision of the ‘new book’ starts with Optimus. No mention of cars, FDS [full-self driving] and robotaxi yet.” [Id.]

So, Elon probably shouldn’t start counting those shares too soon. Ten years is a long time . . . and he doesn’t have the greatest attention span.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
11/7/25