. . . or so says the U.S. government. Consider, for example, DOGE — the ironically-named Department of Government Efficiency, initially led by Trump buddy and noted rich guy Elon Musk — and its coterie of young, eager, inexperienced, tech-savvy but otherwise unemployable, right-wing extremist nut jobs. Like this kid:

At 19 years of age, with his high school education a whole year behind him, he has an impressive Wikipedia biography. He is described as being “known for his association with Elon Musk and DOGE, his youth and inexperience relative to his responsibilities with DOGE, and his vulgar nickname.” [Wikipedia, as of October 20, 2025.]

His list of “employers” — all in 2025 — includes DHS, FEMA, USAID, GSA, SSA — a sizable chunk of the Washington alphabet-soup bureaucracy. If true, then he has just taken job-hopping to an entirely new level.

He lists his political affiliation as — big surprise! — Republican.

Though he enrolled at Northeastern University in 2024, he is described as a “computer programmer and former engineering student.” He has also registered a number of startups in Connecticut, Delaware, and the U.K., one of which offers an artificial intelligence Discord bot (whatever that is) for the Russian market.

In 2022, he was fired from his internship at Path Network for allegedly leaking internal company information to a competitor. Yet he has been given access to the most confidential taxpayer information at the Social Security Administration and elsewhere.

He has an online content delivery network, called DiamondCDN, that reportedly facilitated the work of a cybercriminal group known as EGodly. In 2023, EGodly — which has proudly claimed involvement in email hacking, theft of cryptocurrency, and the harassment of a former FBI agent — thanked Coristine’s network, saying:

“We extend our gratitude to our valued partners DiamondCDN for generously providing us with their amazing DDoS protection and caching systems, which allow us to securely host and safeguard our website.” [Wikipedia, id.]

For someone not yet 20, “Big Balls” has been a busy boy.

And one other note: Under “Relatives” in his Wikipedia bio, he names just one: his maternal grandfather, Valery Martinov.

Wait . . . WHAT??!!!

Surely, not this Valery Martinov:

But yes, young Ed Coristine is the grandson of a former KGB officer who, while stationed under the guise of a third secretary in the Soviet Embassy in Washington beginning in 1980, was actually an intelligence agent for the KGB’s First Chief Directorate. In 1982, he was recruited by the FBI as a double agent — not for reasons of political ideology, but simply because he wanted the money in order to enjoy the material benefits of living in America.

In 1985, he was betrayed to the KGB by CIA agent Aldrich Ames — who, as Martynov’s mirror image, had sold himself to the KGB — and was brought back to Moscow on a pretext and arrested upon arrival at the airport in Moscow. He was convicted of treason, and executed in 1987.

(Note: Aldrich Ames was luckier. His spying spree continued for nine years, until he in turn was arrested in 1994 by the FBI in the U.S., where he is serving a life sentence in a federal prison.)

Following Martynov’s execution, his wife Natalia and their daughter Anna managed to return to the United States. How Natalia Martynova engineered their escape remains a mystery. I can only suppose that she was exfiltrated by the CIA to save her life and her daughter’s; but that is just conjecture.

In any event, young Anna Martynova grew up in the United States, and eventually married Charles Coristine, who is CEO of LesserEvil Snacks, purveyors of healthier popcorn, granola, and other snack foods. And young Ed — the DOGE wonder boy — is their son.

*. *. *

Whew! I know that’s a lot to follow; but it’s important because it points out how the so-called Department of Government Efficiency — charged with reorganizing practically the entire U.S. government — acquired its staff of chainsaw-wielding “experts.” They were tech-savvy, they were eager, and they wanted jobs that offered them a semblance of power and influence. No experience necessary . . . and clearly no vetting.

I do not believe the sins of the fathers (or grandfathers) should be visited upon the children. But surely, this young man’s unusual (to say the least) family background, combined with his own brief but checkered history, should have raised some red flags . . . that is, if anyone actually checked.

If I were the person in charge of hiring for DOGE, Ed would have been shown the door as a potential security risk. Instead, he got the job and came to Washington.

And in August of this year, he was badly beaten in an attempted carjacking in D.C., inspiring Trump in his militarization of the nation’s capital as a supposed hotbed of crime.

Coristine, though no longer with the greatly reduced DOGE, is said to still be working for the U.S. government. And it has even been suggested by a MAGA leader that he should receive the esteemed Presidential Medal of Freedom for his “bravery” — though that honor, which is the highest civilian award a citizen of the United States can receive, is reserved for people who have made “an especially meritorious contribution to 1) the security or national interests of the United States, or 2) world peace, or 3) cultural or other significant public or private endeavors.”

Now, if someone would please tell me what Ed Coristine’s contribution has been . . .

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
10/20/25