. . . I find it incredibly funny that the handbag of the person in charge of America’s security was stolen — not just under her nose, but also the noses of her Secret Service detail — while dining in a Washington, D.C. restaurant.

Well, no . . . not side-splittingly “funny” in the same sense as a Robin Williams improv performance; but from a more ironic, Agatha Christie sort of outlook. Just picture it:

The U.S. Secretary of Homeland Security, Kristi Noem, is dining in what I presume to be an upscale restaurant in Washington on Easter Sunday evening, when — according to news reports — “an unknown white male wearing a medical mask steal[s] her bag and leave[s] the restaurant.” [Josh Campbell and Kit Maher, CNN, April 21, 2025.]

Early reports have not yet provided other details, such as the number of people at Noem’s table; where she had placed her bag; the number and location of her Secret Service protectors; or the name and neighborhood location of the restaurant.

The CNN report did, however, provide a description of the contents of Noem’s bag: her “driver’s license, medication, apartment keys, passport, DHS access badge, makeup bag, blank checks, and about $3,000 in cash.” [Id.]

Where do I even begin? Maybe with the $3,000 in cash. Who, in their right mind, walks around Washington — or any city in the world — with that kind of cash? Although, considering her job, perhaps she has to be ready to travel at a moment’s notice . . . which would also explain the presence of the passport.

But those are the least of her concerns. Right now, some very slick operator is walking around with Noem’s home address, keys to her apartment, and her DHS access badge.

What is funny is the mental image I have of a Keystone Kops operation taking place in D.C. right now, wherein everything is being tracked, deactivated, locks changed, passport and driver’s license reissued, bank account frozen, prescription refilled, and someone making a quick trip to Sephora for the right shade of makeup — all in a matter of hours, rather than the weeks it would take any of the rest of us to accomplish the same things.

And what’s ironic is that this has happened to — let me repeat once again — the Secretary of Homeland Security.

*. *. *

What is wrong with this picture? The Secretary of Defense having classified conversations with uncleared people over open communication channels; a serial baby daddy randomly decimating what were, for the most part, well-running government agencies; and now — yes, I’ll say it one more time — the Secretary of Homeland Security losing her most important possessions in public.

What’s wrong is this: our country is being run by real estate investors, midwestern farmers, and apocalypse preppers who appear to be doing their damnedest to bring about the apocalypse.

And those who are best qualified to protect us — and charged with doing that very thing — are sitting on their haunches in Congress and in the Supreme Court, enabling the puppetmaster in the Oval Office to continue his Punch and Judy show, completely unchallenged.

Come to think of it, it’s not funny at all.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
4/21/25