As children, the vast majority of us were taught to share. If there was only one cookie left, your mother cut it in half so that you and your sibling each had an equal portion. When your friends came over to play, you were told to share your blocks so you could each build something. And you were likely asked, “There now, didn’t it feel good to share?”

And, for most of us, that lesson stuck. Because it does feel good to make someone else happy, or to relieve another person’s burden by offering a helping hand.

For most of us.

But there are always exceptions; we weren’t all blessed with parents who believed that morality is its own reward.

Take little Donnie, for example. Born into a wealthy family, his father owned a real estate empire that included racially-segregated, middle-class housing. Donnie was taught from a very early age that money — not morality — is the ultimate reward . . . money, and the power that comes with having a lot of it.

He probably didn’t care about toys like building blocks, which would have taught him that, if you stack them too high without a proper foundation, they will eventually topple; he was more interested in Monopoly, where he could own everything and hire others to do the actual building. And then he went off to the Wharton School of Business, where he learned to maximize his ingrained greed.

Donnie became far wealthier than even his father had ever imagined, and eventually — shockingly — ramrodded his way into the presidency of the United States of America.

*. *. *

Meanwhile, across the ocean in St. Petersburg, Russia, was little Vlad, whose childhood could not have been more different. Born into a less-than-affluent family — his father was a military conscript, his mother a factory worker — he was always the “underdog,” who quickly became known as a hoodlum and a street fighter. But he was smart, and learned the art of survival. Conscience, sympathy and empathy had no place in his life.

Vlad didn’t go to business school; he was enrolled in Leningrad State University, where he became fluent in the German language, was then enlisted into the KGB — the Soviet Union’s Committee of State Security — and was stationed for a time in East Germany. His life experiences had bestowed upon him the skills of patience, survival, and a killer instinct similar to that of a chess grand master . . . but on a much larger, more deadly, scale.

Little Vlad started with nothing, and wanted everything. He was determined to show the bullies of his childhood what he was made of, and he did . . . conniving his way, step by step, into the presidency of the Russian Federation.

*. *. *

And that was when, against all odds, their lives intertwined . . . not as friends, but as adversaries. Two men — overflowing with money and testosterone, and at the height of political power — each determined to outmaneuver the other for dominance. Picture two stags rutting over the same doe . . .

. . . until finally they realized that there is more than one doe in the forest — in fact, more than enough to keep both of them happy for a lifetime. And so they decided to do what their parents should have taught them decades earlier: Share.

But Donnie and Vlad are no longer teenage boys with uncontrolled hormonal urges. Their ambitions — and their competitiveness — go far beyond seeing who can deflower the greatest number of young females. Their targeted victims are now countries . . . and there are nearly 200 of those to choose from.

Well, Vlad already had his sights set on Ukraine, which he convinced himself rightfully belongs to Russia. In fact, he had already — in the manner of the street thug he truly is — declared war and invaded that sovereign nation. But the opposition turned out to be stronger than he had anticipated — including from the United States.

But there was an election, and now Donnie was in charge in the U.S., so there was a ray of hope: if Vlad could schmooze the big lummox and convince him U.S. policy toward Ukraine has been wrong all along . . . and if he could find something Donnie wanted in return . . . he could steal Ukraine out from under the noses of the rest of the world’s leaders.

And Donnie had made no secret of the fact that he wanted Greenland. It is strategically located, rife with precious natural resources, and — while technically part of the Kingdom of Denmark — it enjoys considerable autonomy, and is geographically part of the North American continent. However, the same things that make it attractive to Donnie — its Arctic location and valuable resources — also render it a desirable target for Russia.

So what do the Monopoly whiz and the chess player do? Quite simply, they team up, revealing to the world the burgeoning reblossoming of their former bromance. The resultant mutual flattery, in fact, becomes nothing short of nauseating.

Then Donnie begins pulling the U.S. away from Ukraine, putting military aid on hold and warning EU countries to pick up the slack . . . thus placing Ukraine in the untenable position of having to give in to Russia’s demands in order to stop the bloodbath.

Next, Donnie sends one of his hatchet men, JD (whose first name no one seems to know), to Greenland to insult the Danish government and demand that the citizens of Greenland come over to the U.S. side, for their own security.

And what is Vlad up to in the meantime? Why, he’s ignoring the partial ceasefire in Ukraine that was universally believed to have been agreed upon, continually lobbing missiles and drones at the Ukrainian populace while the U.S. is withholding the defensive materiel they desperately need to protect themselves.

But, though Vlad’s word usually means absolutely nothing, he keeps his promise to Donnie by making this seemingly magnanimous announcement at a Russian Arctic Forum in the city of Murmansk:

“In short, America’s plans in relation to Greenland are serious. These plans have deep historical roots. And it’s clear that the US will continue to systematically pursue its geo-strategic, military-political and economic interests in the Arctic.

“As for Greenland this is a matter for two specific countries. It has nothing to do with us.” [Steve Rosenberg, BBC, March 27, 2025.]

*. *. *

Donnie and Vlad are known to have had at least two lengthy phone conversations during this period, the details of which have not been made public. And in the absence of facts, my imagination has, as usual, created its own vivid scenario. Imagine, if you will:

Vlad: This special military operation has gone on long enough. I need a way to stop it without losing face, and without giving up my demands. Any ideas?

Donnie: Would it help if I were to say the U.S. demands that you enter into serious peace negotiations, and in the meantime we cut off aid to Ukraine?

Vlad: That’s perfect! We stall, keep blasting them, and they’ll be forced to capitulate. It’s foolproof. So, what can I do for you in return?

Donnie: Well, you know we want Greenland. Suppose you don’t oppose that, and once we have the island and you have Ukraine, we can do a deal to share the minerals from both places?

Vlad: Donnie, as always, I am in awe of your genius. Consider it done.

Check, and mate.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
3/29/25