There are probably no more unpredictable individuals on the international scene these days than Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin. While one speaks and acts spontaneously — from the gut, as it were — the other schemes and plots quietly before making his move, much like a chess player thinking a dozen moves ahead.

Either way, trying to prepare for what will come next is nearly impossible. But I’m going to give it a try anyway.

It is anticipated that the two will have a conversation this week on the subject of Russia’s “special military operation” in Ukraine, and how to end it with a minimum of further death and destruction and a maximum of face-saving for both Putin and Trump . . . Ukraine’s “face” seeming to be of minimal concern to either of them.

Based on the three-year history of the war thus far, and the recent preliminary meetings in Saudi Arabia and Moscow, I am going to go out on a limb and predict the following rough scenario. While this may seem foolish and even a bit risky, I figure I have as much chance of being at least partially right as anyone else at this point. So here goes nothing . . .

Setting the scene: A time for the call will have been established — taking into account the seven-hour time difference — when Trump will not be on the golf course and Putin will be in the mood to talk. Interpreters will be in position, and aides will have made the phone connection.

Vying for dominance: Both Trump and Putin will try to delay long enough to force the other one to pick up the phone first. (I’ve seen this done by lawyers trying to negotiate a settlement on behalf of their respective clients, and it’s really quite comical.) To avoid this awkwardness, I would suggest that the aides do a countdown — three, two, one, now — and hand their respective bosses the phones at the same instant.

Behind the scenes: In the Kremlin, seated at the far end of a long table with Putin but distant enough to avoid breathing any germs in his direction, will be the likes of Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov, a couple of security gurus, and the ever-present (and ever-charming) Kremlin spokesman, Dmitry Peskov.

In the White House, standing next to Trump’s desk and wearing his signature tee shirt and baseball cap (which apparently have been deemed dignified enough for the Oval Office), will be the ubiquitous expert-on-everything Elon Musk, most likely with four-year-old son “X” on his shoulders or hanging onto his leg.

Substance: Now, here is where it gets a big murky because, as I said, you never know what to expect from these two. But Vlad will no doubt reiterate — for perhaps the hundredth time — his preposterous demands that Ukraine give up everything, while insisting that he really does want peace . . . but on his terms. Donnie will then repeat — I’ve lost count of the number of times — his half-hearted threats of sanctions . . . although assuring Vlad that he really doesn’t want to resort to such drastic measures.

Duration: Unknown. It all depends on who gets pissed off and slams down the phone first.

Outcome: Statements will immediately be issued from both sides of the Atlantic. Trump will say something like, “We had a really good, really productive call. I am really very optimistic . . . really.” And Putin — or possibly his mouthpiece Peskov — will say that Ukraine doesn’t want peace, they want the death and destruction to continue, as evidenced by their refusal to simply hand their country over to Russia. And then Putin will order up another missile launch on Kyiv to show the world what a peace-loving s.o.b. he really is.

Prognosis: Turkish President Erdogan and China’s Xi Jinping will each step in with an offer to negotiate a truce between Putin and Trump, because . . . from their positions as Guinness-Book champion fence-sitters . . . they’re the only ones who can truly bring peace to the world.

And Ukraine will continue to fight for its life.

*. *. *

I repeat . . . this is all just a wild guess. But somehow, it almost sounds plausible, doesn’t it?

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
3/16/25