With my luck, there probably isn’t . . . but that’s all right. There will be considerable satisfaction in simply having led Interpol to the perpetrator.

This was a crime committed, not here in the U.S., but in the U.K., in 2019. The thieves were actually apprehended, and just this week went on trial for having purloined a priceless potty from 18th-century Blenheim Palace. The item in question: a 200-pound solid gold toilet, insured for $6 million, which has never been recovered.

And I think I know where it is.

But first, a little background.

This ultimate luxury was created as a humorous statement piece by Italian artist Maurizio Cattelan in 2016. He titled it “America” — which tells you what he thought of us Americans (or at least the wealthiest of us). It debuted at the Guggenheim Museum in New York, where — fully functional — it replaced a porcelain toilet in a museum restroom. The Guggenheim’s website explains its purpose as follows:

“For ‘America’ Cattelan replaced the toilet in this restroom with a fully functional replica cast in 18-karat gold, making available to the public an extravagant luxury product seemingly intended for the 1 percent. Its participatory nature, in which viewers are invited to make use of the fixture individually and privately, allows for an experience of unprecedented intimacy with a work of art. Cattelan’s toilet offers a wink to the excesses of the art market but also evokes the American dream of opportunity for all — its utility ultimately reminding us of the inescapable physical realities of our shared humanity.”

When the exhibit closed in 2019, the comely commode was moved to Blenheim Palace near Oxford, U.K., “the traditional seat of the Dukes of Marlborough where Winston Churchill was born.” [1440 Daily Digest, February 26, 2025.]

Get it? . . . “the traditional seat of the Dukes of Marlborough . . .”

Mr. Churchill was well known for his droll sense of humor, but I’m not sure what he would have thought of an 18K gold toilet in his ancestral home . . . though I’m reasonably certain he would have found something appropriately caustic to say about it. He might even have asked why there wasn’t a matching bidet.

*. *. *

But what about my having solved the mystery of the missing treasure? It is generally thought to have been melted down and sold for the value of the gold, rather than as an artwork. But I don’t think so. I think it’s very much in one piece, here on the other side of the Pond, which is where Interpol enters the picture.

I wonder if they’ve checked the throne room in the West Wing at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington, D.C. Truthfully . . . isn’t it just the sort of thing that might have been installed for the royal ass-in-residence?

Just brayin’ . . . er, sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
2/28/25