To begin with, let me assure you that I don’t think there is anything funny about a person dying in midair on a Qatar Airways flight from Melbourne, Australia, to Doha, Qatar. And in no way do I mean to make light of the woman’s misfortune, or her family’s loss. But what followed her collapse — the way the situation was handled — and the unsuspecting passenger who . . . well, that’s a whole other story.

And that is where . . . I’m sorry, really, but I just can’t stop laughing . . . the whole episode becomes so . . . oh my God! . . . I keep imagining myself in this poor man’s place, and . . . no, sorry, but I just can’t help it.

Okay . . . under control now.

*. *. *

I’ve never flown on Qatar Air, so I can’t speak from personal experience. But I’ve never heard anything negative about it, and I’d guess that Mitchell Ring and Jennifer Colin hadn’t either, or they might have booked on Qantas instead. But whatever the reason for their choice, there they were — en route to their ultimate destination of Venice, Italy, via Doha, for their dream vacation — when this lady’s life came to a sudden end, with some four hours of flying time left before they were to reach Doha. [Maia Davies, BBC News, February 26, 2025.]

Now, the unnamed woman — let’s call her Mary — certainly did not choose to collapse in the aisle next to Mitchell and Jennifer; that is just where her life happened to come to an end. The crew is said to have done their best to revive her, but to no avail. Her time had simply run out.

Airlines have protocols for dealing with all sorts of emergencies, of course . . . including sudden deaths. But there were extra problems in Mary’s case. Apparently, she was a very large woman. Add to that the fact that she was now, quite literally, dead weight, and moving her proved next to impossible. In fact, Mitchell later said in an interview on Current Affair that “they couldn’t get her through the aisle.” [Id.]

It seems they were trying to move her toward business class . . . I guess you get an automatic upgrade if you die on a Qatar Air flight. That’s a nice thought . . . though I can only imagine how the passengers who had paid for business class seats would have felt. But never mind; they were unable to get her there in any event.

Somehow, while all of this was going on, Mitchell’s travel companion, Jennifer, had been moved to another seat. I’m not sure whether she had to climb over Mary’s rather sizable body, or if she was air-lifted by the crew; but in any case, she was out of the line of fire.

It’s also not clear why they didn’t ask Mitchell to move as well, since there were other empty seats. Frankly, I think Mitch and Jen (I feel I know them pretty well by this time) should have been the ones upgraded to business class; but that is now a moot point.

Anyway, Mitch says they asked him, “Can you move over please?” and, having no idea what their plan was, he replied, “Yes, no problem.” My guess is that he thought they just wanted him to be out of the way in case Mary fell over as they were trying to lift her.

But . . . no. What they wanted was his seat, because then, in Mitchell’s own words, “they placed the lady in the chair I was in.” And poor Mitch — having accommodatingly moved over — found himself seated next to Mary’s corpse. Fortunately, someone had thought to cover her with blankets. [Id.]

Well, probably not that well-wrapped . . . but covered.

Now, here is where the story gets a little fuzzy. The report doesn’t mention whether Mitch and Jen were in a row of two seats or three across. Presumably, Mitch, when asked to move over, had to move away from the aisle and into a window seat. Since Jen had been relocated, either Mitch moved into Jen’s vacated seat and Mary took Mitch’s place, or (if three seats across) the crew then plopped Mary’s oversized corpse into the two seats previously occupied by the once happy couple. Either way, Mitch and Jen were now separated and couldn’t even hold each other’s hands in consolation. And Mitch was totally, impenetrably blocked in by an unmoving, unmovable cadaver.

So, there sat Mitch with Mary, obviously in silence, for the duration of the flight. And when the plane landed in Doha four hours later, the already difficult situation inexplicably got even worse. The passengers were instructed to stay in their seats while the medical staff and police came on board . . . as though Mitch would have been able to get out in any event, being blocked in by Mount Mary.

And when the ambulance staff arrived, they immediately pulled the blankets off of the blissfully-unaware Mary, thus exposing her dead face to the world . . . and, most closely, to Mitch.

*. *. *

Now, by this time you’re probably wondering why I find this tragedy to be so hilarious. There are actually a couple of reasons. One is that I have an innately twisted sense of humor. Always have. Can’t help it.

The second reason is that, when I mentally put myself in Mitch’s place, the bizarre way in which the situation was handled just becomes more and more like a slapstick comedy routine. I mean, think about it . . .

First, if Mary was too large to be moved through the aisle to business class, how was she managing to maneuver from her seat(s) to wherever she was headed? Presumably, the only place she had to go would be to the rest room. And — again, I’ve never flown Qatar Air so I don’t know —but would she even have fit into the notoriously cramped airline facilities? The mental images conjured up by my fevered brain at this point are not something I want to be forever stuck in my mind.

Second, Mitch had also indicated there were other empty seats in their section. When they moved Jen, why didn’t they also move Mitch out of the way? Could they not lift him over the obstruction then lying in the aisle? Wasn’t that gender discrimination?

So I have this picture of the hapless Mitch looking on as he is hemmed in by Mary for four hours. What if he had had to use the rest room? Were the crew able to serve him a meal, snack, beverages . . . maybe oxygen . . . during the remainder of the flight? And if they had, would he even have felt like eating . . . or breathing? Did they even think to toss him a couple of bottles of booze from the mini-bar?

And when they finally landed and the medics uncovered Mary’s body — likely already in the early stages of rigor mortis — did Mitch just sit there and stare out the window, or did he watch the proceedings in grisly fascination?

I mean . . . what the hell were these people thinking??!!!!

*. *. *

I have seen dead people. (No, not like the movie — I don’t have visitations from spirits.) But I have attended far too many funerals with open caskets, and I have had to say goodbye to my mother and sister. In fact, when I was just eight years old, my great-grandmother died while I was sitting by her bed holding her hand. I don’t freak out. So the idea of being on a plane — an enclosed space — with a recently-deceased person, while sad, would not have been overly traumatic for me.

But would I have chosen dead Mary as my seat mate for four long hours? Uh . . . nope. I’m not squeamish; but I’m also not ghoulish. I might, however, in a mischievous moment, have tried interacting with her . . . just to see the reactions of the other passengers, and hopefully to lighten the general atmosphere a bit:

“Hey, Mary, are you feeling any better? Were you on vacation? Seen any good movies lately? You didn’t have Covid, did you?”

But everyone is different. Mitch, who sounds far more reasonable than I, apparently found this incident traumatic, telling Current Affair:

“We should be contacted to make sure, do you need some support, do you need some counselling [sic]? We totally understand that we can’t hold the airline responsible for the poor lady’s death, but there has to be a protocol to look after the customers on board.” [Id.]

And he makes a good point. So, I have a few suggestions for the folks at Qatar Airlines.

First, perhaps you could seat all extra-large passengers next to the rest rooms, so they don’t have to block the aisle on their way to use the facilities. (It’s not body-shaming . . . just common sense.) And maybe they could be instructed to remain in their seats and not walk about for any other reason, just in case. Of course, there will be an immediate reaction from all of those people who are so hung up on political correctness and equal rights; but I presume you have a Legal Department to deal with that.

Second, when relocating a corpse on a flight, you might want to check with the adjacent person or people before assuming they can deal with being in such close proximity. I mean . . . really?!!

Third, in the event — as in Mary’s case — you might have an obstruction in the aisle (human or otherwise) that is too large and too heavy to move, perhaps you could keep some sort of portable ramp onboard . . . Nah, forget that one. The flight attendants would never be able to get the service carts over it without losing a few ice cubes.

And finally, let’s remember that Mary was dead. She was in no hurry to meet the emergency medical crew. Maybe it would have been better to off-load the passengers first — even to a holding area where the police could conduct any necessary interviews — before exposing her to all and sundry.

I’m sure Mitch would have found some way to get out of his seat.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
2/26/25