For anyone who reads me with any amount of regularity, it should be obvious that the Dmitry of whom I speak is none other than Dmitry Sergeevich Peskov, Press Secretary / spokesman for the Moscow Kremlin, and thus also for Russian President Vladimir Putin.

And for those of you who don’t know, here he is:

He is a man with an obviously stressful job, which he has held for the past sixteen years. And that means he must be damned good at what he does — and he’d better be.

An East German government representative misspoke once in 1989; and in doing so, he unintentionally brought down — not only the Berlin Wall — but, as a domino-effect consequence, also the entire Soviet occupation of Eastern Europe and, just two years later, the Soviet Union itself.

So the person speaking for the Kremlin today would, at all costs, want to avoid making that sort of faux pas.

It is Dmitry’s unimaginable responsibility to know everything that is going on everywhere in the world at all times, how it affects Russia’s interests, what his boss (Putin) thinks about it, and how best to spin it to Russia’s advantage. Unfortunately, that often requires him to prevaricate, obfuscate, dissemble, equivocate . . . well, let’s face it: outright lie . . . with a perfectly straight face.

But let’s look at that face. It’s pleasant, intelligent, attractive, charming — evocative of a loving father or grandfather. His smile looks genuine, and there’s even a hint of a twinkle in the eyes. If you met him at a social gathering, you’d probably like him.

So it has for some time bothered me to think that he really, truly, honestly believes the bullshit he is required to spew at the world on a daily basis on behalf of the evil man he calls “boss.”

And because, in my mind, Dima — I have taken the liberty of addressing him by his nickname — Peskov does not appear to fit his professional image, I have tried to think of him as a normal person, and one with the sort of quirky sense of humor that invites teasing in return. And I’ve had fun with that.

Until today, when I Googled his name to check his patronymic (middle name) for this post, and stumbled across an item on the website of the U.S. Department of State (DOS) titled, “Faces of Kremlin Propaganda: Dmitri Peskov.”

Of course, I have always known, and not all that deep down inside, that Dima — the real Dima — could not have been faking it all these years and gotten away with it; and that he couldn’t have risen to his present position without sincerely believing in the guy who signs his paycheck. But seeing it in print, from an official source . . . well, it’s taken all the fun out of the teasing.

For example, the State Department says:

“In this capacity [as Putin’s spokesperson since 2008], he has played a key role in propaganda and disinformation campaigns to cover up the Kremlin’s links to the 2006 polonium poisoning of former Russian intelligence officer Alexander Litvinenko, the 2018 Novichok poisoning of former Russian military intelligence officer Sergei Skirpal [sic] and his daughter Yulia, and the 2020 Novichok poisoning of Russian opposition leader Alexei Navalny. In all these cases, official and independent sources have debunked the Kremlin’s disinformation and established the Kremlin’s direct responsibility. Serving Putin has been lucrative for Peskov, and despite being a civil servant for his entire career, he and his family are now multimillionaires.” [state.gov]

Well, it didn’t say he personally poisoned them; he was just an accessory after the fact. But still . . . Dima . . . how could you?

As for the “multimillionaires” reference, I followed the State Department’s link and learned that Dima, his wife and two adult children have been living the high life, far above his salary range, for many years, and are now among those sanctioned by the United States since the invasion of Ukraine by Russia in 2022. Under the circumstances, I think that’s fair; but I do hope they have enough left for rent, groceries, and a clothing allowance, because the little woman looks pretty high-maintenance to me.

*. *. *

And speaking of Ukraine . . . Oh, my God! This is what DOS has to say:

“Before Putin launched his unprovoked and brutal war of choice against Ukraine, Peskov repeatedly denied Russia had any intentions to invade its neighbor. He falsely asserted that Russia did not pose a threat to Ukraine, that Russia had never attacked any other nation, and that Russia would be the ‘last country in Europe’ to think about starting a war. Attempting to discredit Western media reports that exposed the Kremlin’s invasion preparations, Peskov called them ‘provocations,’ and ‘unfounded fomenting of tension,’ ‘Western hysteria,’ ‘irresponsible fakes,’ and ‘maniacal information insanity.’ Russia’s war in Ukraine validated the media reports and undermined Peskov’s credibility.” [state.gov]

Do you see what I mean about his sense of humor? “The last country in Europe to think about starting a war”??!!! Does he write his own material?

But reading on:

About the reports of atrocities committed by the Russian forces in Ukraine, Peskov repeated the Russian Defense Ministry’s statement that “not a single local resident suffered from any violent actions” under Russian occupation; said the accusations were ”groundless”; called the descriptions of the mass killings a “well-staged tragic show” and “a forgery in order to try to denigrate the Russian army”; and insisted that the killings were the “result of a staged falsification.” [state.gov]

By which time, I was no longer laughing, but was feeling pretty much like this:

*. *. *

Well, as you can imagine, Dmitry Sergeevich Peskov doesn’t seem so normal, or so likable, or so tease-able, any longer. He’s just another one of Putin’s henchmen, fully invested in the dictator’s mad ambition to take over the world by any means available. I’ve known it all along, of course — just not in such agonizing detail.

What’s really upsetting, though, is that now I have to find someone new and amusing to pick on . . . and in Putin’s inner circle, that’s not easy.

Sorry, Dima . . . I have to honor my country’s sanctions. But it’s been fun while it lasted.

See you in the news, kiddo.

До свидания,

Brendochka
11/17/24

(Footnote: I wonder what kind of sense of humor Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov (right rear, above) has. But wait . . . he’s been sanctioned too. Damn! Can’t have any fun with these freakin’ Russians anymore.)