Meet Pesto, the celebrity king penguin from the Sea Life Melbourne Aquarium in Australia. His keepers describe him as a “walking feathery poop machine” . . . but that’s not why he’s famous. It’s his size.

I love penguins — all penguins — and this big fellow has really stolen my heart. He’s just six months old, and it seems that, at three feet tall, he’s already looking down at his dad. The average height of a full-grown king penguin — the second-largest breed of penguin next to the emperor — is anywhere from 28 to 39 inches, usually reached at 14 to 16 months of age. So Pesto has at least another 10 months of growth to look forward to, and he’s already within three inches of the usual maximum height.

He’s also a voracious eater, already consuming twice as much as the average adult, and currently weighs in at about 50 pounds — some 10 pounds above the average adult range of 21 to 40 pounds. And with all of that food comes a lot of work for the keepers, since penguins poop every 15 minutes. (Kind of like prepping for a colonoscopy . . . every single day of your life.)

Some of his bulk is feathers, which he will lose when he fledges and achieves that “tuxedo” look; but he’ll always be the biggest kid on the ice block.

All I can say is, that must have been some gigantic egg his parents had to take turns sitting on for nearly two months! And just the thought of momma laying it . . . Well, never mind; it’s too painful to contemplate.

One of his keepers has said that he has already started losing some of his baby feathers, and will soon be starting his swimming lessons with his dad. “Sometimes they become quite independent teenagers, so maybe he’s ready for his bad boy phase,” she said. [Lilit Marcus, CNN, September 22, 2024.]

I say, hand that bad boy a basketball and get him on the neighborhood team. Give him a nickname like Shaq or Magic, and teach him to dribble and shoot. Might as well put that height to good use.

When he isn’t busy pooping, that is.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
9/25/24