The internet is, in many ways, a wonderful thing. It has brought us immediate access to more information than anyone could ever possibly need. It allows us to function in countless ways without ever having to leave the shelter of our homes. And it keeps us in close contact with loved ones (and a few not-so-loved ones).

But it also brings us a lot of crap, commonly known as SPAM (which I define as “Some People Are Merciless”).

We all have our morning routines. Mine includes — right after brushing teeth and grabbing a bottle of Boost for breakfast — clearing the emails that have accumulated overnight. Today there were, by actual count, 99 of them.

When I finished deleting the junk, there were six remaining.

Most of the junk mail, of course, is the electronic equivalent of what we also find in our mailboxes — companies trying to sell us stuff. Occasionally there’s something we might want to check out and actually purchase, but for the most part . . . DELETE.

There are also the companies you’ve already bought something from, trying to sell you more, or telling you that you’ve “left something in your cart.” DELETE.

And stay away from anything that starts out “Congratulations,” or otherwise promises you something for nothing. There’s no such thing as an internet freebie. DELETE.

As for political messages, that’s your choice. But I promise you that once you click on one of them — no matter which party they represent — you will never, ever stop hearing from them, regardless of how many times you try to “unsubscribe.” I find it easier to simply DELETE — over and over and over again.

I do subscribe to some news outlets. Those are good, because they keep me current with the rest of the world, and provide subject matter for many of my blog articles. KEEP.

And so on and so on. You probably have pretty much the same issues. But there are some that sneak in there, and you have to be really careful not to open them . . . unless, of course, you’re actually interested in:

1 Day Fat Removal. I admit to being about ten pounds above my desired weight. In fact, I’ve been stuck at this weight for a number of years now. But so what? I’m not obese; I’m comfortable in my clothes; my doctor is not unhappy with me; and I’m not about to try anything that promises to effortlessly suck the excess avoirdupois from my body within 24 hours. Do I look stupid? (Don’t answer that.) DELETE.

What Full-Mouth Dental Implants Should Cost In Your Area. I don’t want to know. I’d sooner be dropped, fully conscious, into a pit of starving vipers. DELETE.

Manhood-booster. These (obviously) are enticing notices about a product that is guaranteed to enhance a body part that I, as a proud female, do not possess. It’s just another snake oil salesman trying to convince men who may have inferiority complexes that . . . well, you know. DELETE.

Exotic Ukrainian Women. Didn’t I already say I’m female? And even if the purveyors of these professed beauties don’t know (or care about) my gender assignment or preferences, what is “Exotic” supposed to imply? Overtly sexy? Or circus rejects? And once they get into the country — for which I assume I would be expected to pay — am I supposed to adopt them? Does ICE know about this? DELETE WITH ALL POSSIBLE SPEED.

Ami-Latinas. This sounds like a Spanish-speaking version of the Ukrainian scam. Same answer, amigos. DELETE.

Clear Away Herpes. Having successfully avoided the last two, I am happy to say I have no need for this one. Thanks anyway. DELETE.

And on it goes. Ah, yes, the internet is a marvelous toy. Just don’t let your children near it.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
9/2/24