Looking back at August 17th in earlier years, I’m beginning to think it might be a good day to stay indoors, and preferably under the covers . . . or in the safe room, if you’re lucky enough to have one. Because there seems to have been a good bit of death and destruction on this date in the past. Such as . . .

1841: President Tyler is burned in effigy outside the White House. No, no, no, people! Don’t get any bright ideas from this. Put aside your political views and your anger, because today — in 2024 — that would be illegal in so many ways! Go to your local gym and take it out on the punching bag instead — it’s so much healthier, safer, and not likely to get you thrown into the slammer.

1862: U.S.-Dakota War begins in Minnesota. After six weeks, the starved and frustrated Dakota tribe was defeated by the U.S. military. (“He who has the most guns . . .”) The warriors were tried, some in proceedings that only lasted minutes, and were the victims of the largest mass execution ever in the United States. Not one of our nation’s finest moments.

1877: Billy the Kid kills his first man. In a classic case of an out-of-control teenager, Billy got an early start on his road to notoriety by dispatching an Arizona blacksmith — the first of an estimated 21 men to meet a similar fate at the hands of this angry young man. His parents really should have locked up their firearms.

1957: Foul balls batter unlucky Philadelphia Phillies fan. You should have stayed home, Alice! On this date in 1957, Alice Roth accompanied her husband — Philadelphia Bulletin sports editor Earl Roth — to a Phillies game, as she often did. They were seated in the press box behind the third-base dugout, along with their grandsons, when future Hall of Famer Richie Ashburn hit a foul ball that took aim directly at Alice’s nose. She was receiving emergency treatment for her broken proboscis when Ashburn again came up to bat, hit yet another foul, and this time got poor Alice in the leg . . . which also broke. Either he was one powerful hitter, or she had the most brittle bones ever.

Alice was taken to the hospital, and apparently recuperated nicely. Ashburn of course apologized, they later became friends, and Alice continued attending games thereafter. I suppose she simply learned to duck.

1962: East Germans kill man trying to cross Berlin Wall. Ah, the good old days of the Cold War. Peter Fechter was just 18 years old when he and another young man made their attempt at scaling the wall from East to West Berlin. The other man made it, but Peter was shot by an East German guard and left to bleed to death. The Wall stayed in place until November 9, 1989.

1987: Rudolf Hess, Hitler’s last living henchman, dies. One of Hitler’s top henchmen during World War II, he was sentenced at Nuremberg to life in prison. On this date in 1987, at the age of 93, he was found strangled to death by an electrical cord. His death was ruled a suicide, though some suspected foul play. Either way, 93 years were more than enough for this Nazi.

And finally:

1998: President Clinton testifies before grand jury. Ah, yes . . . the Lewinsky affair. Not to mention the allegations of illegal real estate deals, suspected “cronyism,” perjury, obstruction of justice . . . Nasty stuff. But Clinton survived the impeachment proceeding, completed his term of office, and is still married to Hillary, who later served as the U.S. Secretary of State. Their estimated net worth today is around $120 million, so whatever they may or may not have done during their White House years, they haven’t suffered financially.

America: truly the land of opportunity.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
8/17/24