Recycling, reusing, repurposing . . . all ideas that are vital to the preservation of our natural environment. I can’t imagine myself ever disagreeing with that.

Or I couldn’t . . . that is, until I took a look at this building.

Now, I’ve seen some strange-looking structures, both in person and in pictures; and I’ve occasionally had to wonder what inspired some of the architects. Many were simply unusual, and a number of them were just plain ugly. But this one . . . well, frankly, it gives me the creeps!

It’s not just the top part, which looks like the upper floors of a Beijing hotel that got ripped off by a Kansas tornado, transported to Germany, and plopped down — ripped bottom and all — on top of what looks for all the world like an 80-year-old Nazi bunker, and . . .

Holy crap! That’s exactly what it is!!

And I knew, the second I looked at the picture, that there was something seriously bad about that structure. Places have auras, you know; and this one screams . . . well, it just screams, that’s all.

Do I think it’s haunted? I don’t know; I suppose I’d have to spend the night there with a lot of electronic gizmos, searching for orbs, or magnetic fields, or whatever ghost hunters look for, before I could answer that question. I’m not talking about ghosts. But it’s a Nazi bunker. You know some terrible things took place there during the Second World War.

So, my first question is: Why would anyone in their right mind want to turn it into a hotel? Did they seriously think anyone would want to stay there? (I know, that’s two questions. Sorry.)

Well, apparently the answer to the second question is “Yes,” which in turn answers the first question. And from all appearances, it’s been reasonably successful.

But my next question is: Did they have to make it so damned ugly? I mean, even uglier than the original structure! Just look at it again, from a different angle:

I do understand that it was just too huge, too solid to demolish. It would have required much too large a quantity of explosives in what is now a busy commercial area. The neighborhood, known as Karoviertel, “sits in a cool enclave filled with stylish coffee shops and vintage stores, plus the Knust nightclub in a repurposed abattoir.” [Maureen O’Hare, CNN, August 14, 2024.]

EXCUSE ME??!!! Did she just say “abattoir”????? That’s a freakin’ former slaughterhouse, and it’s also been repurposed . . . as a nightclub.

At the risk of repeating myself . . . Holy crap!

*. *. *

But back to the bunker. It now houses two restaurants, a rooftop bar and garden (the source of all that greenery), Constant Grind coffee shop and bar, and a five-story Hard Rock Hotel. Rooms range from 180 Euros (around U.S. $197) to 269 Euros (about $295). Amenities include a 55-inch flat-screen TV and Alexa in-room assistant.

Just between you and me, Alexa makes me nervous too — she reminds me too much of Big Brother, and I do not allow her in my house. I really don’t think I want to share a hotel room with her. But that’s just me.

Here are some photos of the interior:

I will say this much for Hamburg’s monstrosity: At 76,000 tons of concrete, with walls 2.5 meters thick, I wouldn’t be concerned about the building being struck by lightning or blown over in a hurricane. But I still get an eerie feeling just looking at the pictures — the same sort of sensation I felt at the entrance to Hitler’s underground bunker in Berlin, and in the barracks at Sachsenhausen Concentration Camp in the otherwise lovely town of Oranienburg: A feeling that I did not want to be there.

Anita Engels of the Hilldegarden Neighborhood Association, which supported the bunker restoration project, offered this thought:

“The idea of raising the height of the building with greenery was to add something peaceful and positive to this massive block left over from the Nazi dictatorship.” [CNN, id.]

With all due respect to good intentions, I still feel it could have been done better. Short of demolition, could they not have found an alternative, such as — oh, I don’t know — maybe draping it in a sarcophagus similar to the one the Russians used to encase the reactors at Chernobyl . . . only more attractive, of course? Perhaps Banksy could have been hired to pretty it up with some of his incredible murals. I still wouldn’t have stayed there — those pesky ghosts of the past, you know — but at least the neighborhood would have looked better.

I mean, that is one seriously ugly building.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
8/16/24