In English, that’s “No To War” — a slogan seen and heard less and less frequently in Russia these days. Because saying it, writing it, displaying it anywhere is strictly against a series of laws rammed through the Russian Parliament with lightning speed at the pleasure of the president.

We’re all too familiar with the horror stories of people — both Russian citizens and foreigners (mostly Americans) — being arrested, detained, tried, convicted, and sentenced to multiple years in one of Russia’s hundreds of stinking prisons . . . all because they have opposed the war in Ukraine, or “insulted” the military, “spread false information,” expressed an opinion contrary to the official line, or simply associated with someone who has been deemed to have done one of the above.

And all in total disregard of the so-called Constitution of the Russian Federation, which — and I’m sorry, but I find it incredibly difficult not to laugh right now — guarantees the right to free speech, freedom of religion, freedom of peaceful assembly, and other basic rights taken for granted in the free nations of the world.

* Please note here that I started reading an English translation of the Russian Constitution, which was apparently not done by a native English speaker. It was rather confusing in places, and I’m trying to find a better translation; otherwise, I will have to spend a year struggling through the original, one phrase at a time, just me and my Russian-English dictionary. Oy!

What is not amusing, however — and especially not to the citizens of the Russian Federation — is the manner in which these laws have been designed, passed, interpreted, and implemented for the sole purpose of shutting people up. The people’s constitutional rights, so hard won following the collapse of the Soviet Union in 1991, no longer have any force. They are gone.

The only law is Putin’s law. And that truly is not funny.

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But sometimes a bit of unintentional humor can be found in the most unexpected places — even in the onerous restrictions imposed by the Russian government. I specifically refer to a law that penalizes “discrediting” the Russian army, which has been broadly applied to actions interpreted as being in support of Ukraine or critical of the war. These include — and I honestly couldn’t tell you which is my favorite, because my laugh meter never veered off the top of the scale as I read them — the following:

– Wearing clothes (including shoes) in the blue-and-yellow colors of the Ukrainian flag;

– Writing anti-war slogans on cakes (as one pastry chef sadly found out the hard way);

– Dyeing one’s hair blue-and-yellow;

– Listening to Ukrainian music;

– Displaying anti-war posters with messages ranging from “No War” to eight asterisks — the number of Russian letters that spell “No War” — or even just a blank sheet of paper.

[From an article by Vitaly Shevchenko, BBC News, July 20, 2024.]

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As I said, the situation in Russia today is the farthest thing from funny, or even mildly amusing, because those idiotic restrictions are seriously enforced. But reading Mr. Shevchenko’s article left me wondering: Who thinks up this crap? Don’t they have better things to do . . . like, maybe, making peace with the free world? I’m almost tempted to dye my hair blue and yellow, wrap myself in a Ukrainian flag (I actually do have one), get an enlarged photo made, and send it directly to . . .

No, not Putin. It would go straight to the desk of that darling of the Kremlin press corps . . . the Kremlin Spokesman himself . . . the one, the only . . .

Dmitry Peskov.

Because my dear Dmitry (more familiarly known as Dima) had something to say about this new “false information” law when it was rushed through Parliament shortly after the invasion of Ukraine in February of 2022. Good old reliable Dima told the world then that the law was “urgently needed because of the absolutely unprecedented information war waged against our country.”

And that’s when I really lost it.

*. *. *

And now — if I may borrow the words of the immortal Forrest Gump — “That’s all I have to say about that.”

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
7/22/24