And why would I want to?

Well, because the former American martial arts movie hero has turned out to be — and keep in mind that this is a gross understatement — a huge disappointment: a lying, two-faced, seditious, Putin-loving, propaganda-spreading, war-mongering son-of-a . . .

Oops, sorry. Didn’t mean to go off on a rant there. But it felt so good. Because if anyone deserves it, he does . . . as evidenced by this picture of him receiving his Russian passport in Moscow some eight years ago:

And here he is, just a few days ago (May 30, 2024), receiving the Order of Friendship from none other than his good buddy Vladimir Putin, in the Kremlin:

In case you’d been wondering what’s happened to Seagal over the last several years — or, more likely, in the event you hadn’t noticed his absence at all — I’ll try to piece it together for you.

This honor — the Order of Friendship — doesn’t pretend to be awarded for courage in battle, or for pulling someone’s children out of a burning building. It is bestowed for the recipient’s “great contribution to the development of international cultural and humanitarian cooperation.” Or so the story goes. But what sort of humanitarian cooperation has Seagal been promoting? And in view of the current state of U.S.-Russia relations, how successful has he (or anyone else) been?

Well, at this very ceremony, upon receiving an honor so great that it had to be presented by the President of Russia himself, Seagal read (from his phone) the following statement, which gives you a clear idea of the nature and extent of his humanity:

“Ukraine was known for human trafficking, organ trafficking, narco trafficking, child sex trafficking, biochemical warfare labs, fascism and nazism . . . And these are the things that we still tried to make them our brothers [sic]. These are all poisons that can affect the entire world and not just us.” [Kelby Vera, Huffpost, May 30, 2024.]

And he went on to raise the spectre of World War III, denouncing the United States and other Western nations for their support of Ukraine:

“This war that we are currently embroiled in was started and financed by the West, and has come to involve the entire world in a fight against good and evil. All religions, all nations and all people should unite instead of being controlled and fooled by the monster of fake press.” [Id.]

My favorite Kremlin Press Secretary, Dmitry Peskov, couldn’t have said it better.

Well, actually . . . he could have. “ . . . fight against good and evil”??? Okay. Sure. Whatever. Who writes Seagal’s stuff, anyway? Certainly not someone who comprehends the significance of “international cultural and humanitarian cooperation.” Or the English language.

*. *. *

But that’s not the issue here. What I’d like to know is: Why? What? And how? Why did he leave what had been a successful, and presumably lucrative, career in the U.S. for Russia? What turned him against his country? And how did his head get so screwed up that he actually believes the drek he repeats with such conviction? He even has his own martial arts center in Moscow, where he trains young Russians headed for military service.

*. *. *

A Russian citizen since 2016, Seagal was appointed in 2018 as “a special representative of the Russian Foreign Ministry in charge of Russian and American Humanitarian ties.” [Id.] And, as a sign of their true and enduring friendship, he was even honored to attend the inauguration ceremony for Putin’s fifth term in office last month. Impressive stuff. Still, how did it all begin?

According to a man named Bob Van Ronkel, it was all his doing. Described as “the Forrest Gump of U.S.-Russia relations,” Van Ronkel has been introducing American celebrities to Russia and other former Soviet republics for the past two decades through his company, Doors to Hollywood. [Tim Mak, NPR News, July 3, 2018.] Says Van Ronkel: “I was hired to bring Steven Seagal to perform with his band for another event with President Putin, so kind of was responsible for that introduction, and Steven becoming best friends with him.”

Well, both Putin and Seagal are into martial arts, which would have been a perfect conversation starter. And apparently, Putin is something of a show biz groupie; he seems to think that — despite his outspoken disdain for the West — mingling with the Hollywood elite lends him a certain . . . what? . . . Panache? Credibility? Sex appeal?

As for Seagal, perhaps the fact that his U.S. career was pretty much in the toilet as he grew older and heavier led him to search for a place to reinvent himself, and meeting Putin was the ego-boosting event that did it for him.

It’s just too bad he didn’t opt for an audience with the Pope instead; he might have found religion, rather than a cockeyed political ideology.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
6/4/24