It’s been going on for a while now, in — of all places! — Korea. I guess it hasn’t been gory enough to warrant a headline, or at least not for me to have paid attention . . . that is, until yesterday, when it was reported that North Korea said it was stopping the “deliveries” for an unspecified amount of time. So, of course, that was just tantalizing enough to encourage my reading further.

To begin with, there is no need to panic. There have been no nukes, no missiles, no drones. Nary a rifle fired nor a grenade lobbed across the Demilitarized Zone. Just balloons. Low-tech, gas-filled, trash-bearing balloons. An estimated total of 15 tons of the stuff over time from North to South, including the hundreds most recently released and received before the announcement of cessation.

And when they land with a “splat” . . .

Now, according to Kim Kang Il, North Korea’s Vice-Minister of Defense, the whole thing was started by South Korea years ago when it began sending balloons into the North with anti-North Korea leaflets enclosed, and that this was “strictly a responsive act.” “We’ve let the South Koreans experience enough of how dirty it feels and how much joint effort it takes to clean up spread-out rubbish,” Kim said. [Kathleen Magramo and Gawon Bae, CNN, June 2, 2024.]

As I see it, though, the problem is that the North Koreans didn’t just respond with more leaflets. They sent real trash, and most recently included some used toilet paper (yuck!). That’s just not nice . . . and it’s a potential health hazard. So an official from the South Korean presidential office has pledged that his country will take “unendurable measures . . . [to be] specified in the coming days.” And just as I’m thinking about the possibility of something like . . . oh, say . . . flaming balls of fermented kimchi, he says that they “will not rule out the issue of resuming [playing] loudspeakers,” which they used to do in order to blast propaganda across the DMZ (but which was discontinued in accordance with a 2018 military agreement). [Id.]

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Now, I have to tell you that I absolutely love this. These “Trash Wars” are a civilized way of both sides getting out their anger and frustration without anyone being killed or seriously hurt. And it’s not only cheaper; it actually creates jobs for the balloon manufacturers and the street sweepers. Plus, just imagine what a treat it must be for all those fun-starved North Korean children, who undoubtedly have been recruited to fill the outgoing balloons with gas and launch them toward the South.

I’m telling you . . . it’s a win-win situation. It’s just a pity no one thought of it sooner. Think of how much death and destruction could have been avoided in Ukraine, Israel, Gaza . . .

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Now, about the recipe for those flaming balls of kimchi . . .

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
6/3/24