Okay now: He stays; he’s moved laterally; this one has a whole new department to become familiar with; and that one . . . oh-oh. That one appears to have been downgraded, and — oh, no! — is now out-ranked by his own son, who seems to have sprung fully formed from the head of Zeus. When they play games in Moscow, they play hard.

It’s no surprise to see changes at the start of a new administrative term, even with the same president. But some of this year’s moves in Moscow have caught people by surprise.

It all started with Defense Minister — or I should say, former Defense Minister — Sergei Shoigu. This was not a huge shock, as he had been under criticism for some time with regard to his management of the war . . . excuse me, the special military operation . . . in Ukraine. He has been a close friend of Vladimir Putin’s for many years, and even survived Yevgeny Prigozhin’s attempted mutiny against him last year (which Prigozhin himself didn’t survive for very long). But performance and results trump friendship every time, and Putin decided a change was necessary. And there was that little matter of one of Shoigu’s proteges at the Defense Ministry being arrested and charged with corruption . . . Still, we’re talking about an old friend, and so he was given a more-than-satisfactory new job. More about that later.

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First, let’s see who replaces Shoigu as Defense Minister. Surely, it has to be someone of equal or greater military rank . . . What’s that you say? It’s a civilian? An economist? A freakin’ desk jockey?!!

Well, yes. But Andrey Belousov is, by all accounts, a brilliant economist who, according to my favorite Kremlin spokesman, Dmitry Peskov, “. . . is not just a civilian, but a person who very succssfully headed the Ministry of Economic Development of Russia, for a long time he was aide to the president on economic issues, and was also the first deputy chairman of the government in the previous cabinet of ministers.”

But why a civilian to run a war? Because, according to Peskov, “Today on the battlefield, the winner is the one who is more open to innovation. Therefore, it is natural that at the current stage, the president decided that the Russian Ministry of Defense should be headed by a civilian.” [Anna Chernova, Helen Regan and Ivana Kottasova, CNN, May 13, 2024.]

Oh, well now . . . that explains it: because “the president decided.” The Gospel According to Saint Vladimir. Right. But it’s okay, because we are assured that General Shoigu will still be available to consult as needed. Don’t we all feel much better now?

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And since you’re all dying to know where Shoigu’s new office will be, I won’t keep you waiting any longer. It will be right there in the Kremlin, as the new Secretary of the Russian Security Council. Wow! With Vladimir Putin himself holding the office of Chairman of the Security Council, and Dmitry Medvedev as Deputy Chairman, that places Shoigu at the table with both of them. That actually sounds like a promotion to me, but . . .

NOW HOLD ON JUST A DAMNED MINUTE! They already have a Secretary of the Security Council — Nikolai Patrushev, that scary, hawkish guy I’ve written about a couple of times. What’s going on with him?

Actually, the world was kept hanging for a day or two on that one. And finally it was announced that, after 16 years in his position as the right hand to God, his new job — for which he undoubtedly never applied — will be “overseeing the shipbuilding industry.” The Kremlin said that Patrushev “would bring his vast experience to a role of a slightly different character but that shipbuilding was ‘an absolutely strategic sector’ and did not rule out that he would be given further responsibilities.” [Guy Faulconbridge and Andrew Osborn, Reuters, May 14, 2024.]

Aw, come on, guys. We’re not stupid; we know a demotion when we see one. What’s really behind all this? Maybe Patrushev, who is now 72 years old, was getting ready to retire anyway? Maybe he’s having health problems, or just wants to spend more time with his grandkids? Or maybe he’s been a bad boy and displeased the boss. Who knows?

But apparently one humiliation wasn’t enough. So to rub a little salt into the wound, Patrushev’s 46-year-old son, Dmitry Patrushev, has been promoted from Minister of Agriculture to the position of Deputy Prime Minister in charge of agriculture.

Aw, gee whiz, Dad . . . I didn’t know. Honest.

Yeah . . . we’ll see how that family dynamic works out.

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Incidentally, I’m sure you’ll be as happy . . . well, nearly as happy . . . as I am to know that my sweetheart, Putin’s Parrot, the inimitable Dmitry Peskov, has held onto his job as Kremlin spokesman, or Press Secretary, or whatever his official title is. He is, to my way of thinking, the closest thing to irreplaceable. His somber, sometimes angry, often bleak pronouncements never fail to capture my attention . . . and frequently even make me smile at the sincerity with which he delivers them. Stay the course, Dima; Kremlin news wouldn’t be nearly as much fun without you.

*. *. *

There have been announcements of other promotions of the “new generation” of Putin’s sycophants (or should that be “psycho-phants”?) — something at which Putin had hinted in the recent past: a whole new, younger group of lackeys for him to potty train. Frankly, I’ve never heard of any of them, so a little more digging on my part is in order. What a great excuse for another chapter or two.

In the meantime, the grown-up version of Moscow Musical Chairs continues. Let’s hope it’s not followed by a round of Russian Roulette.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
5/15/24