It’s a story as old as history itself.

Juliet, of course, pined hopelessly for her Romeo, but couldn’t overcome their meddling parents.

Elizabeth Bennet had her Mr. Darcy, but all that ridiculous pride and prejudice got in the way.

And remember your visions of Catherine Earnshaw as she longed to rendezvous with the brooding Heathcliff on the endless moors of England?

*. *. *

Those were all fiction, of course. But if life imitates art, or vice-versa, then why shouldn’t I also announce to the world that I have fallen — totally unexpectedly, hopelessly, ridiculously — “in love” with the most charming, eloquent, and witty man. Oh, not romantically in love, of course; that would be ludicrous considering our differences. But I have to confess that, on a more existential level, I absolutely adore . . .

Dmitry Peskov.

Yes, you heard me correctly. I’m talking about that Dmitry Peskov: darling of the news media, wit, raconteur, press secretary for none other than Vladimir Putin himself . . . Dmitry Sergeyevich Peskov.

I can’t help myself; I just cannot resist a man who makes me laugh. And yesterday, he went and did it again.

Let me give you a little background (I’ll try to be brief). You surely remember who Alexei Navalny was — the Russian dissident who was such a thorn in Putin’s side that he wound up being sentenced to 30 years in a Siberian prison camp. And you know that he died under suspicious circumstances at that camp; that there was a huge, angry reaction from the public following his death; and that most of the world blames Putin for his demise . . . and not without good reason.

Well, of course, the Kremlin has steadfastly denied that Putin had anything to do with Navalny’s fate, declaring that he never takes a personal interest in such matters, but leaves their handling to the appropriate government agencies. And just a few days ago, Putin received a “gift” from U.S. intelligence sources, when a finding was issued and reported upon as follows:

“Alexey Navalny’s February death in a remote Arctic prison camp likely wasn’t directly ordered by Vladimir Putin, despite Navalny’s outspoken criticism of the Russian president, the Wall Street Journal reported Friday.

“Despite the suspicious circumstances of the opposition leader’s death, the outlet reported Putin may not have intended Navalny to be killed when he was.

“The Journal, citing ‘people familiar with the matter,’ reported that several US intelligence agencies, including the CIA, the Office of the Director of National Intelligence, and the State Department’s intelligence unit, share this opinion.” [Katherine Tangalakis-Lippert, Business Insider, April 27, 2024.]

While the reports were offset by a confirmation that the official U.S. position is still that the Russian government “bears ultimate responsibility for Navalny’s death,” the onus seemed to have been removed from Putin personally.

And if that isn’t just the biggest, most beautiful May Day gift old Vladimir Vladimirovich could have asked for . . .

But my friend Dmitry Peskov wasn’t having any of America’s largesse. Apparently, he’s never heard the old saying about not looking a gift horse in the mouth, because his mouth just couldn’t resist its usual hilarious response, as reported in Saturday’s press:

“Russia has dismissed a report claiming Vladimir Putin did not order the killing of famed dissident Alexei Navalny, who died in an Arctic prison in February.

”Dmitry Peskov, Putin’s spokesman, told Russia’s state-run media on Saturday that he had seen the Wall Street Journal report, which cited an assessment by U.S. intelligence agencies, and that there was little reason to believe it. He derided its logic and said it wasn’t worth looking into.

“‘I would not say that this is high-quality material that deserves any attention. Some very empty reasoning,’ Peskov said.” [Amanda Yen, Daily Beast, April 27, 2024.] [Emphasis is mine.]

. . . thereby completely negating what Putin has been insisting all along.

*. *. *

Now, I have no clue as to why the U.S. Government would have issued such a statement in the first place, though I’m sure there’s some weird logic behind it somewhere, probably having to do with international diplomatic considerations, or possibly just an overly-developed sense of “fair play.” But neither do I understand why Dmitry would respond as he did. I mean, everyone knows he’s funny as hell, but I really don’t think that’s what he was going for here.

Dima . . . dear, sweet Bubbeleh . . . let me give you a quick lesson in basic etiquette, which works on both a personal and a professional level: When someone hands you a gift, you don’t refuse it. You accept it graciously . . . you smile . . . say thank you . . . and then you . . .

. . . shut the f*ck up!!!

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
4/30/24