Yes, that would be the former Mrs. Vladimir Putin, once the First Lady of the Russian Federation. We know she escaped . . . sorry, was divorced from . . . Vlad the (21st Century) Impaler. And we know what he’s been doing for the past eleven years since they split. But how has Lyudmila made out since leaving the home and hearth (if you can describe the Kremlin in such idyllic terms) of the man with whom she shared her life for thirty years?

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Well, as it turned out, her luck seemed to change for the better. Or at least as much as we can tell from outside observations.

We will probably never know what finally caused the breakup of their long marriage, or what the terms of the divorce settlement might have been. That’s really no one’s business anyway (though I have to admit to being as curious as the next outsider). Thanks to the magic of the internet, though, we do have some information on events since the Putins announced the termination of their marriage, “based on a mutual decision,” on June 6, 2013.

First, Vlad was seen in public — a lot — with a former gymnast by the name of Alina Kabayevna . . . a beautiful example of “arm candy” some 30 years his junior. And everyone thought, “Wow! What a stud he is!” Or maybe only his envious male colleagues thought that. In any event, he was the President, and in Putin’s Russia you don’t criticize the President, so he got away with it with a minimum of snarky (public) remarks.

Alina Kabayevna, as a young gymnast

Kabayevna, reinvented as a politician, with Aleksandr Lukashenko, President of Belarus

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I don’t know if there is an equivalent saying in Russia, but in the U.S. we say, “What’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.” Reverse that, and you have the former Mrs. Putin (or Putina, in the Russian style) leaving married life behind and diving headfirst into a new life as — not a goose — but what we call a “Cougar.” And somewhere along the way, she met Artur Sergeyevich Ocheretny, some 20 years her junior, who very soon became known as Lyudmila’s “boy toy.”

Well, that’s only fair, don’t you think? If Alina is arm candy, then certainly Artur is the boy toy. There’s no gender discrimination here.

And in 2015, just two years after the Putins’ divorce, Artur (then 37) and Lyudmila (then 57) became Mr. and Mrs. Artur Ocheretny. In 2017, it was reported that they had moved to Biarritz in the south of France. Definitely an upgrade!

But who is this man who just seems to have appeared out of the blue? His biography is brief. He is a high school graduate (1995) from Lyubertsy, a town within the Moscow Oblast (Region). After high school, he founded an office equipment repair company. And at some point, he is said to have run a seafood business. From 2003-2008, he became director of something called the Art Show Center, a company that organized various types of events for United Russia, Gazprom, and others. It’s unclear what happened to his earlier entrepreneurial efforts, but it was in connection with these latter event-organizing activities that he was able to meet representatives of the “Russian elite” . . . including Lyudmila Putina. And since their marriage, they are said to have built up a multi-million-dollar portfolio of real estate and other holdings.

Not bad for a high school graduate from a town best known for its “Russian Mafia” criminal gang in the 1980s and ‘90s.

But life isn’t all peaches and cream for this exceptional couple. They are currently in the headlines because the French authorities have seized — as part of an investigation into money laundering — a palatial villa in the French southwestern coastal town of Anglet reportedly owned by a real estate company controlled by . . . anyone care to guess? . . . none other than Artur Ocheretny. A second property — a Paris apartment allegedly owned by Lyudmila Ocheretnaya — was also seized in December.

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Whether Mr. Ocheretny turns out to be a true entrepreneur, or merely an opportunist who married his way to success, remains to be seen. But while all of this is really just fodder for the gossip columns, there is one footnote that I find absolutely hysterical. It involves that ever-amusing Kremlin spokesman, Dmitry Peskov, who always manages to crack me up when he is at his most serious.

It seems that the Kremlin — i.e., Vladimir Putin — has taken something of an interest in this matter. No reason has been given as far as I know, although several fascinating possibilities have occurred to me. But never mind about that. What Mr. Peskov has said is as follows:

“Any encroachment on private property is illegal from the onset. The French authorities are undermining the foundations of their legal system. We have said it many times.” [James Crisp, The Telegraph, April 18, 2024.]

Well . . .

What’s that saying about the pot and the kettle? Here we have the “pot” — the mouthpiece for Vladimir Putin — calling out the “kettle” — the French government — for its seizure of private property in a criminal investigation as being illegal! The Kremlin . . . the very same people who have, if I’m not mistaken, seized about 27% of Ukraine’s private property! And they’re serious! Omigod!! My stomach really hurts now! I’m sorry . . . I can’t go on . . . I’m about to wet myself.

Oh, those crazy Russians . . . they get me every time.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
4/21/24