Easter was early this year, finishing off March instead of waiting for April. And Passover is still ten days away. But since both of those holidays are for specific groups of people, I thought I’d fill in a couple of lovely spring days in April that we can all enjoy. Ready? I’m actually writing this on Thursday the 11th, so let’s start with that, and we can celebrate it a day late:

— National Alcohol Screening Day. I have no idea what this is supposed to celebrate or commemorate, but my first thought is that it is also for a very specific group: people with a drinking problem. Or perhaps it’s just for those who are crazy enough to drink-and-drive, and we should all just expect to be randomly pulled over by an extra cadre of traffic cops with Breathalyzers in hand. Now, I ask you: What kind of a holiday is it when you can’t even offer a proper toast?

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— National Submarine Day. I suppose this is to honor those brave men and women who fight off their claustrophobic tendencies to live in a sardine can 20,000 leagues under the sea. But wouldn’t it be more fun if we all really did live in a yellow submarine? [Cue Beatles music.]

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And here’s one I can really get behind:

— National Pet Day. Whether you’re a dog person or a cat person, or you prefer a ferret, a horse, a tweety bird, or a tank full of fish, is not the important thing. If you don’t love animals at all (people with serious allergies excepted), you are a highly suspect human being.

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That’s all I could come up with for Thursday, so let’s check on Friday’s big events, starting with:

— National Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day. Now, show me anyone, of any age or demographic, who doesn’t like this one. With so many varieties of cheeses, breads, and add-ons to choose from (bacon comes immediately to mind), it’s always a winner — and especially in the winter, with a steaming bowl of cream of tomato soup. Right?

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— American Civil War. It doesn’t seem to call itself a “day,” but it is the anniversary of the date that the Confederates fired on Fort Sumter — April 12, 1861 — and started that four-year mess also known as the War Between the States. This one is not really to be celebrated, but should be remembered so as not to be repeated. Not ever.

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— National Licorice Day. Uh . . . okay, whatever.

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— Cosmonautics Day. I’m not sure why there’s a celebration of the science of cosmonautics, rather than the cosmonauts themselves — those brave men and women who fight off their claustrophobic tendencies to live in a different sardine can, this time 200,000 miles out in space. But someone decided it needed to be done, so there it is. And as it turns out, there’s even a Museum of Cosmonautics, at the Peter and Paul Fortress in St. Petersburg, Russia. So that’s whose bright idea it was . . . The name should have given it away.

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And my particular favorite on this or any other day:

— Day of Silence. Take the hint.

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— And as I left the page, my eye happened to fall on an April 14th event, oddly called “Ambedkar Jayanti.” Clearly not an American holiday, I Googled it and found that it celebrates the birthday — what would have been his 134th this year — of Dr. Bhimrao Ramji Ambedkar, the principal architect of the Indian Constitution and the first Law Minister of Independent India. So, happy birthday, Dr. Ambedkar, wherever you are. Good job.

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With that, I bid a happy April to us all.

TTFN,
Brendochka
4/12/24