It’s probably already too late, but I came across a list the other day of suggested last-minute gifts for the incurable procrastinator to buy — “The 56 best Amazon gifts that will get there before it’s too late.” Some of them were excellent ideas, others a bit on the pricey side, and some just plain puzzling. So in case you’re hoping to avoid that suicidal last-minute run to the mall, let me throw just a few of Amazon’s ideas your way.

Amazon Kindle Scribe. For those who feel compelled to scribble in the margins of books but know they shouldn’t, just $270 will allow them to do all the notating their little hearts desire. Personally, I still love the feel of a real book, hard cover and all — and especially a beautiful leather-bound volume with its new-luxury-car scent. I’ll keep my books — $270 will buy a lot of 3M “stickies” for my notations, thanks.

Fellow Stagg EKG Pro Electric Gooseneck Kettle. No, I haven’t the faintest idea where that name came from, but I can tell you that it has nothing whatsoever to do with a test of your heart’s function. It’s a very attractive, white, electric kettle that is “calibrated for precise temperature control and designed with a spout that makes it perfect for pour-over fans. You can also schedule boils and adjust how long it’ll warm your water after boiling via app, for ultimate control.” That perfect cuppa will cost just $195 at Amazon, and yes . . . there’s an app for that.

Kona Grill Brush. This one’s a lot less pricey — only $21 on sale now at Amazon — and looks very nice for the grill-master in your family. But it’s many months to grilling season, unless they live way down south, so maybe save that one for a summer occasion.

Bedsure Satin Pillowcases. These are perfect for that Secret Santa gift at the office that has to cost $25 or less — they’re just $10 apiece. But I tried satin pillowcases once because they’re supposed to eliminate “pillow face” and not mess up your hair so much. I never did find out whether that was true, because my head kept sliding off the damned pillow until my feet were hanging off the far end of the bed, I got practically no sleep, and wound up tossing them. So, buyer beware.

The Ultimate Game for Couples. Just what you think it would be, this one features “200 unique questions and cheeky challenges designed to bring you and your partner closer together. Play against each other or as a pair for some friendly competition against other couples.” At $25, it might be worth a try; but I wouldn’t recommend it for that office Secret Santa gift. Not unless you want to be accused of sexual harassment, that is.

Oxo Good Grips 3-in-1 Avocado Slicer. “Splits, pits and slices,” and it’s dishwasher-safe. Only $12 at Amazon, but keep in mind that not everyone loves avocados. I do, though, so feel free . . .

Maps International Scratch the World Travel Map. I got really excited about this $29 beauty, until I read that it’s designed to showcase the journeys you’ve already taken, and possibly inspire you to start planning more trips for the future. What I had hoped for was a map that would allow you to scratch off — and thereby actually, magically eliminate — the world’s most notorious trouble-making locations. (Okay, so I have a dark side. Who doesn’t?)

Swedish Wholesale Swedish Dishcloths. Honestly, now — if someone gave you dishcloths for Christmas, at any price, and no matter how luxurious, would you actually be able to give that Academy Award-winning performance and appear truly excited? Yeah, sure you would!

LifeStraw Peak Series Personal Water Filter. This one shows the user lying on her stomach, sucking water from an algae-green stream through this tube-shaped filter. I suppose if you have a friend or relative living near, say, the Ganges River . . . Otherwise, save your $20, or buy it and keep it for the Apocalypse when you’ll really need it.

Starface Hydro-Stars Hydrocolloid Pimple Patches. Personally, that name is enough to turn me away. But at only $15 from Amazon, this might be the perfect stocking gift for that self-conscious teenager suffering from acne. They’re little yellow stars that adhere to the skin and cover up the pimples. And these are supposed to be less conspicuous? Really??

And finally . . .

Fujifilm Instax Mini 11 Instant Camera. For $77, you can have an “adorable Instax Mini 11 from Fujifilm [that] features an updated automatic exposure function, plus a selfie mode. Gift it alongside some instant film [apparently not included] to capture all your favorite memories.” Wait . . . isn’t that why we all have smart phones?

*. *. *

Whew! I’m exhausted from all the shopping . . . and that’s only a small percentage of the list. There are other items — watches, speakers, binoculars, etc. — but those actually make sense . . . something I try to avoid at all costs.

So, happy last-minute shopping, and happy holidays to all.

Brendochka
12/23/23