“Nyet voinye” — “No to war.” Written in the snow, that little phrase gets you ten days in jail . . . in Russia, anyway. Imagine what bank robberies go for these days.

If you’re waiting for a punchline, give it up — this is a true story, not a joke. A man named Dmitry Fyodorov was near the entrance to an ice-skating rink in Moscow’s famous Gorky Park on November 23rd, when he doodled those words with his finger on a snow-covered turnstile. Unfortunately, he was observed and detained by police, and was sentenced the following day for having committed a civil offense: specifically, publicly discrediting Russia’s armed forces.

Apparently, some 20,000 people, give or take a few, have been detained for similar acts, and over 800 criminal cases opened. Dmitry Fyodorov’s case should have resulted in a fine, but he was given a ten-day jail sentence for “disobeying the police” and allegedly refusing to go to a police station. He denied the additional charges, but no one was listening; that’s what the police charged him with, and that’s what the court sentenced him for. [Reuters, Nov. 29, 2023.]

Actually, he was pretty lucky. Imagine if, at that exact moment when Dmitry’s artistic impulses struck on that snowy day in Gorky Park, he had also had to pee and decided to write, instead of with his finger . . . well, you get the picture. I wonder what the sentence would have been for that! (Not to mention freezing his paintbrush off.)

And let’s hope that Banksy never decides to visit Moscow!

*. *. *

Equally amusing — in a diabolical sense — is the recent charge against Vladimir Kara-Murza, the joint Russian-British citizen currently serving 25 years in a Siberian penal colony for treason and allegedly spreading “false information” concerning the war in Ukraine.

Consider how difficult it would be for someone in his position to commit any sort of punishable offense, other than perhaps using the toilet too many times in one day. But poor Vladimir has recently been fined 50,000 rubles ($560) “for not providing a full report of his conduct as a registered ‘foreign agent.’” [Reuters, Dec. 1, 2023.] (Kara-Murza was declared a foreign agent on April 22, 2022, the same day he was detained for having made anti-war speeches . . . while outside of Russia.)

Apparently, a “foreign agent” in Russia must regularly submit detailed reports on their activities and finances. Well, that’s nothing new; the same is true here in the U.S., where representatives of specified foreign entities doing business or engaging in political activities here must file periodic reports under the Foreign Agents Registration Act (FARA). So what’s the problem?

Well, the problem is in the definition of “foreign agent.” It seems that in Russia, that term still carries visions of spies, or intelligence operatives. For some people, the good old days of the Cold War and their spy games were just too good to let go.

I do have to ask myself why no one in Russia has seen the irony — or idiocy, if you will — of expecting actual spies to register their activities. But what do I know?

*. *. *

Then there’s the equally bizarre case of Ilya Yashin, another opposition activist and supporter of the better-known Alexei Navalny (about whom I have had much to say in earlier chapters). Yashin is serving 8-1/2 years in prison for making statements on his YouTube channel about Russian war crimes allegedly committed in the notorious battle for Bucha, Ukraine.

His more recent offense, supposedly committed while in prison — and for which he has been fined 45,000 rubles ($500) by a Moscow court — consisted of his “failing to attach a mandatory rider advertising his ‘foreign agent’ status in capital letters to his posts on the Telegram messaging app.” [Reuters, Dec. 1, 2023.]

Aside from the ludicrous nature of the charges themselves, what’s wrong with this story? Well, to quote Ilya Yashin: “I don’t have any opportunity to post materials, I’m in a penal colony, and before that [I was] in a pre-trial detention centre. I reject the status of a foreign agent.”

Makes sense to me. But somehow, he was supposedly magically able to produce a post on Telegram from prison, and — horror of horrors! — he forgot to write “foreign agent” in capital letters on that post! And you say he was only fined 45,000 rubles? You mean that’s not a hanging offense? Those Russian judges must be getting soft.

*. *. *

And, as a piece de resistance, Alexei Navalny himself — while serving a combined sentence of more than 30 years on various charges — has been presented with new charges under a criminal law regarding . . . drumroll, please . . . vandalism. Now, what do you suppose he might have done? Written “nyet voinye” on the walls of his cell?

*. *. *

I am reminded of a scene in the film version of the Broadway smash hit Chicago, in which Richard Gere — in the role of a slightly unorthodox criminal defense lawyer — likens the trial of a murder case to a vaudeville tap-dance routine. And in Moscow, at least, he may have a point.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
12/3/23