You’ve heard it before: “Getting old ain’t for sissies.” I don’t know who said it first, but he or she sure nailed it. I’ve written at some length about the aches and pains, physical changes, and emotional adjustments we have to deal with as the years slide by. Those of us who are fortunate enough to retain most of our mental faculties still want to do the things we used to do. But we can’t, and so we are told that even though we can no longer climb a mountain, we should be grateful that we can walk at all; and although a bowl of chili would set our digestive system on fire, there’s always a nice serving of oatmeal to warm our tummies.

Crap!!!

I don’t just want to walk around the block . . . again, and again, and again. And oatmeal isn’t chili. I want to keep traveling, and dancing, and eating exotic foods in exotic places with exotic people. And there are so many places I still want to see, and probably never will, before I give up the ghost. Places like . . .

Antarctica, before the ice floes shrink and the penguins become extinct. I want to see those adorable little critters in their headwaiter suits, sashaying around like Charlie Chaplin’s “Little Tramp.”

The North Pole. I want to see Santa Claus. If he’s not there, never mind.

The Swiss Alps. I want to learn to yodel, and make cheese, and sing like Julie Andrews. But realistically, I want to see the beauty of the mountains, the clear lakes, the picturesque towns, and the inside of a Swiss bank vault. (Just kidding on that last one.)

Australia: the Outback, the Sydney Opera House, kangaroos, a pangolin. I want to go walkabout, and sing “Waltzing Matilda” while sitting by a campfire and waiting for my billy to boil. And I want so badly to hold a baby koala. They are simply too cute for words.

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I also want to get a look at some of man’s greatest creations:

Stonehenge. Right at the top of my list is this magical, mystical, manmade monument to . . . what? There are lots of theories, but will we ever know for sure? I want to be there at sunrise on the summer solstice. Surely, then I would learn the meaning of life, or something equally wonderful. Maybe.

The Pyramids. How on earth did they do it with no heavy lifting equipment? And why? What’s inside?

The Wailing Wall at Jerusalem. Not the safest place to vacation just now, but some day. I want to write my prayer on a little piece of paper, roll it up and insert it into a niche in the wall. I just want to stand where my ancient ancestors stood.

The Great Wall of China, and the Terra Cotta Army at Xi’an. China may be politically touchy right now, but there’s no denying the awesome scope of its history and the skills and talents of its people. Did you know that the Great Wall can be seen from space? Or that the Terra Cotta Army is still only partially excavated? I saw a few of those incredible carved soldiers at a National Geographic exhibition in Washington a number of years ago, and now I want to see the whole vast expanse of them, and to walk at least a small part of that Great Wall.

Machu Picchu. Again, how did they do it? And at that altitude! I have a friend who climbed it, and she said she nearly expired from the effort and the thinness of the air. She also said it was worth it. In the 1940s, an entertainer named Jimmy Durante sang a nonsense song called “Inkadinkado.” I wonder whether he was singing about the same Incas. I doubt it; but the real ones sure did do something great.

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I’d also like to see a few things happen while I’m still here to appreciate them:

Peace in the Middle East. I’m sure I don’t have to explain this one. That conflict has continued for centuries, and I doubt I’ll live long enough to see it resolved. But I can dream, can’t I?

Donald Trump apologizing . . . to anyone! (All right — you can all stop laughing now.)

Congress approving the annual budget without threatening to shut down the government . . . year, after year, after freakin’ year! (You’re laughing again, aren’t you?)

And last, but definitely not least . . .

The Terrible Trio: Vladimir Putin, Xi Jinping, and Kim Jong Un. If you’ve been reading my blog, you already know my views. I want these three to disappear from the political scene; all peace-loving people do. Perhaps we could entice the three of them onto one of their rocket ships — preferably one that actually works — and send them to establish the first colony on Mars. Elon Musk can help them with that. And without the Triple Threat around to cause trouble here on Earth, maybe we could then concentrate on clearing up our other problems and once again make this a beautiful, happy world to live in.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
10/27/23