Pssst! Hey, you! Yes, you . . . the senior citizen over there. We need to talk.

Remember when you thought “fixed income” meant that you worked for a regular salary, and not on commission? Or when you thought life would be less expensive when you were retired and no longer needed a business wardrobe or that overpriced downtown garage parking? Or — my personal favorite — when you assumed that the Social Security you’d been paying into for your entire working life would take care of you when you could no longer work?

Well, I remember those days. And now, it’s time for a little reality check. (This, of course, does not apply to those titans of industry, movie stars, or others with unlimited supplies of cash. Those people probably aren’t reading this in any case. No, it’s just for us ordinary working folks.)

Actually, there are a lot of things you may no longer need after retirement, or can manage to do without. (No, not food.) First, you can consider downsizing. I know a number of people who finally came to realize that they didn’t need the big house they’d raised their children in — you know, the one with all the stairs — or a large percentage of the stuff in it. So they bit the bullet and sold the old family homestead, using the proceeds to move into a beautiful, fully-equipped, modern condo. And there they live, maintenance-free, stair-free, and care-free.

Second, depending on where you live, you may be able to sell one or both of your cars, thus saving a considerable amount of the money you previously spent on fuel, maintenance, auto insurance, and personal property tax, in addition to those pesky parking fees. Good move.

And third . . . well, actually, no; that’s about it. Because the rest of life, with its attendant expenses, goes on — and without the nice salary and perks you previously enjoyed.

Now, we could talk about inflation, which has hit everyone like the proverbial ton of bricks in the last couple of years. But that’s not specific to us seniors. So let’s just look at those things that make us special:

– Medical Insurance. You did know you were going to lose that all-encompassing group medical coverage when you retired, didn’t you? Don’t be deluded into thinking Medicare is going to be enough to replace it. For the nearly $200 deducted from my Social Security check each month, I receive coverage that pays only a small fraction of my medical costs. So I have to have supplemental coverage, which (mercifully) does take care of virtually all of the rest — at the bargain price of only $460 a month! Yes, that’s right: $460 per month. That’s $5,520 a year. There are cheaper plans available, but considering the ever-increasing cost of medical care, and the fact that the older you are, the more medical care you’re likely to need . . . well, how do you get along without really good coverage? One stay in the hospital could completely wipe you out financially. And I haven’t even mentioned dental, which is an additional amount each month and doesn’t pay for everything. Ka-ching!

Are you with me so far?

– Life Insurance. Oh-oh — that nice employer-paid coverage has gone bye-bye, too, unless you’ve arranged to keep it at your own expense. And because you’re now however-many-years old, be prepared for a shock when you find out what that’s going to cost you. Way more than you’ll be saving on car expenses, I promise you. Ka-ching!

– Prescriptions. As with visits to the doctor, you’re likely to be taking more medications as you age. Yes, I have prescription coverage, and five of my six prescriptions are reasonably priced. But there’s one that comes in at a whopping $388 out of my pocket every 90 days — and that’s only about one-fourth of the total retail cost. And don’t forget the annual deductible that hits you right after Christmas. But I’m actually one of the lucky ones; I know people who take life-saving medications that cost them, out-of-pocket, more than $1,000 at a time. Ka-ching! (Hey, Congress — if you’re looking for a project you can really sink you’re teeth into, I’ve got one for you! )

– Activities. Now we come to the fun stuff. Let’s say you’re lucky and have aged well, with minimal physical difficulties. So you’re ready to live the active retired life — you finally have time for golf, or tennis, or swimming at that nice club just a few miles from home. But have you checked out their membership brochure yet — I mean, really checked it out, small print and all? Especially the part about the fees? Maybe you did, a couple of years ago when you were still pulling in a nice income. Didn’t seem so expensive then, did it? And all that travel you’ve been looking forward to? Good luck with that, too.

– Other. So what’s left to factor into your new, reduced budget? Well, if you’ve been less fortunate and maybe haven’t aged so well, you’ll be looking at keeping the local pharmacy and/or the good folks at Amazon in business for many more years. Think about such possibilities as eye drops, nose drops, ear drops, antibiotic creams, gauze pads, cotton balls, Kleenex, Preparation-H, incontinence pads, vitamins, denture cream, hearing aids, a blood pressure monitor, a good foot soak, a cane, a walker, a wheelchair, special chair pads, and don’t forget to install hand rails in your shower. (No, those are not all on my personal shopping list, thank Heaven!) And that’s just for starters. You know those catalogs from home health supply companies? Unless you’re looking to jump-start a heart attack, do not open them! Those go directly into the recycle bin or the trash, whichever is closer.

– Entertainment. This is the item that always ends up at the end of everyone’s list, and for good reason. I mean, you need food, shelter and medical care first, if you’re going to be able to have any fun at all, right? So let’s say you’ve managed to find room in the budget for a couple of evenings out each month. My personal first choice is a live theater production or concert. I used to think nothing of paying $100 or more for orchestra seats at the Kennedy Center on a Saturday night. Those same seats, for this Saturday evening’s performance of The Lion King, range from $219 to $459, per seat. Pass. Just a movie, with popcorn and a soft drink, will cost you around $20 per person . . . even at senior rates. And dinner for two at a nice restaurant that doesn’t have a drive-thru or coupons? Ka-ching! Ka-ching!

*. *. *

But don’t start thinking it might be better for your heirs if you didn’t live to 100 so as to save some money for them. Because you — or they — are in for one more shock: the high cost of dying, which, like everything else, goes up every year. So here’s what I suggest. Enjoy the years allotted to you, doing all the things you physically and financially can do. But first, take out one of those “burial insurance” policies — the biggest you can afford — and sleep well tonight. Tomorrow . . . “God willin’ and the creek don’t rise” . . . is another day.

Just sayin’ . . .

Brendochka
7/31/23