On Wednesday, July 19th, a Florida family was awarded a jury verdict of $800,000 for second-degree burns sustained four years ago by their then four-year-old daughter as a result of her having dropped a hot Chicken McNugget, which then lodged between her thigh and the seatbelt of their car. The story goes that the incident occurred while the child was apparently seated by herself in the back seat of the car with her order of the hot food. By the time the mother was able to pull over to attend to the crying little girl, the damage had been done.

Okay, that’s gotta hurt — a lot — and it appears to have left a scar. I sympathize with the little girl. Who wouldn’t? But how do you leave a four-year-old child on her own, where you can’t easily reach her, with a container of food, hot or otherwise? What if she had choked on something? Instead of driving away, how about taking a few minutes to go into the restaurant, or pulling the car into the parking lot, and having lunch with your little one? Anyway, the jury found that McDonald’s was negligent in not warning the customers of the fact that the food, freshly-cooked in hot oil, was . . . guess what? . . . HOT.

All together now: “DUH!”

There have been similar cases in the past, notably one — also against McDonald’s — involving an adult who was burned when she spilled her hot coffee on herself. Really? Again, I don’t question the injured person’s damages; but from a legal standpoint, every misfortune is not necessarily someone else’s fault. I’ve read that it only takes one minute for water at 158 degrees to cause third-degree burns. You certainly want your hot coffee to be at least that hot; I’ve seen estimates of the ideal temperature for maximum coffee flavor at anywhere from 140 to 200 degrees (boiling is 212 degrees). So be careful — unless you asked for iced coffee, it’s going to be HOT.

But trying to put myself in the mindset of those injured parties, I can think of so many instances that I could have blamed on someone else, as for example:

The Slurpee. Tell me you’ve never gotten a case of “brain freeze” from siphoning one of those sugary slush piles through a straw. Clearly 7-11’s fault for serving me an ice-cold Slurpee, right? I’m thinking permanent brain damage here. (That’s sarcasm, in case you hadn’t guessed.)

Books. Admittedly a lesser injury, but a bad paper cut in that webbed place between the thumb and forefinger from turning the pages too quickly should be worth something. Obviously the fault of at least two companies: the manufacturer and the book seller.

Candles. Do they caution you not to extinguish the flame with your fingers? Not to my knowledge.

Mascara. I don’t think there’s a warning on the package that sticking one of those wands in your eye could cause pain and a watery eye. No matter that you tried to apply the mascara while nursing a major hangover from last night’s party; you can also blame the bartender for that one.

Soup. Nobody wants lukewarm soup either — right? So heat it up, then neglect to blow on it before slurping up a boiling hot spoonful and scalding your tongue. It’s clearly someone else’s fault that you’ll be talking funny for a couple of days.

By now I’m sure you get my point. There is no limit to the outrageous excuses people can come up with in order to pass the blame to someone else, just because they can (and, not incidentally, because there may be a pot of gold at the end of that lawsuit). But here’s a thought: why not grow up, own up, and suck it up. Take some adult responsibility for your own actions and misfortunes. And above all, be careful — that hot food you ordered may actually be HOT.

Just sayin’.

Oh, and by the way . . . cancel my order of McNuggets. Thank you.

Brendochka
7/26/23