No, I haven’t suddenly become disoriented — no more than usual, anyway. But I read on Sunday (in CNN’s regular “Week Ahead” column) that tomorrow — Wednesday, July 19th — is National Hot Dog Day. That in itself is not big news to me — I certainly don’t have to run out and buy someone a Hallmark card. But it reminded me of all of the other “days” out there that someone has taken the time and trouble to memorialize, and I was actually curious enough to ask Google for some help. As usual, it came up with way more information than I needed, so I had to make some choices. And now, in the words of the immortal Jackie Gleason, “. . . awa-a-ay we go!”

Naturally, the first date I checked was my own birthday, March 18th. Apparently, I merited two memorable events this year: National Biodiesel Day, which I won’t even try to understand, and . . . wait for it . . . Awkward Moments Day. Yup, you read that correctly: a day tailor-made for yours truly. Whoever chose to create a day devoted to the sort of person who falls down in the middle of the street during the Cherry Blossom Parade, passes out in restaurants, and regularly “opens mouth and inserts foot” — and then assigned that event to March 18th — well, that individual had to be thinking of me.

And now that I’ve stopped ROFLMAO, I can’t wait to check out the rest of the year; it has to be epic. But as it turns out, even choosing one event from each month would make this post mind-numbingly long. So I’ll give you a sampling, and then I’ll give you the link to check out the rest for yourself. First, of course, is . . .

January. This was a tough one to decide — so many good options. But while I was tempted to choose Penguin Awareness Day (they’re just the cutest birds), or National Squirrel Appreciation Day (because the nasty little rodents don’t get any respect), I settled on . . . January 30th: National Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day. Seriously. How many times have you practically gone into a trance while absent-mindedly popping those airy little circles until your fingers ached? Even if you don’t appreciate its value as a protective packaging material, you have to recognize the amount of simple pleasure it brings into the world. And if you get chilly, you can always wrap yourself in it.

February. I’m a little puzzled by National Toothache Day (are we for it or against it?); and World Spay Day has me wondering whether we’re talking strictly about our pets, or if we’re trying to revive that ghastly Eugenics movement of a century ago (Heaven forbid). So I skipped right over them, and landed on . . . February 18th: Pluto Day. That poor confused little hunk of space rock has been through so much: “It’s a planet.” “It’s not a planet.” “It is so a planet.” “It is not either a planet.” “Fine — then let’s just call it a dwarf planet.” Talk about an identity crisis?!! Or maybe I’ve misunderstood the whole thing, and Pluto Day is just the birthday of a Walt Disney dog. Either way, I’m all for it.

July. Skipping along to the current month, there’s no contest. Although I momentarily considered National Be a Millionaire Day, it seemed the odds of that happening were too slim to worry about. And International Town Criers Day is clearly obsolete. So the winner is . . . July 23rd: National Gorgeous Grandma Day. (Hello! The “Applause” sign is on now, and I am taking my bows, thank you very much.)

So you can see how many causes for celebration we have to choose from, and perhaps we could even lobby to have a few designated as national holidays. If your curiosity has been aroused, you can check out the rest at http://www.calendarr.com. (No, that is not a typo.) In the meantime, I will spend the remainder of today, July 18th, celebrating World Listening Day — if someone will please just tell me what I’m supposed to be listening for.

TTFN,
Brendochka
7/18/23